I want you to know…

you can crash and burn at trying to be brave and kind…and it’s okay.

it’s a different kind of bravery to decide to care for yourself or lick your wounds

being who we really are brings us much closer together than trying to be something we think we should be

your words and comments stay with me, I think it’s so rad when you guys talk to each other

I am more intense and less gentle than I thought

I am learning so much about myself right now, this is both marvelous and maddening

I am still not done writing notes of encouragement- this pains me everyday, I know people are waiting

I want to learn how to listen as an act of kindness

I am finding my way

This is coming soon, very soon from the soulsisters…and I can’t stop staring at it and holding it in my hands

we can be brave and kind together,

because kindness changes everything.

(and I hardly look like this picture, it’s a really good picture.) 

Whatever problem you have, I promise you the Sound of Music can fix it.

Feeling blue or scared? Just think of your favorite things.

Needing someone to take care of you? Are you feeling unable to face a world of men? Find someone 17 going on 18. no scratch that, just someone older and wiser.

Don’t quite fit in? It probably means it’s time to go climb every mountain, just ford every stream. Never give up on your dreams.

Feeling unsure of yourself? Despite what you see, I have confidence in me. It’s nothing the Mother Superior, an old carpet bag and a new adventure can’t fix.

Some where along the way I started to tell myself some lies about who I am. It’s so easy to do really, sometimes all it takes is one crappy experience as a kid or a particular placement in your family, a situation you find yourself in, just one little thing that you allow to sneak into your heart. Once you start to believe and invest in these untruths, they become bigger and hard to shake. We often struggle, endure, grieve, create space, make peace and embrace whole parts of ourselves that were never true in the first place.

This makes climbing mountains and fording streams feel damn near impossible. You forget that dreams exist, or they feel a million miles away. Sometimes the only way to rediscover who you are is to leave everything else behind, or start to peel away one layer at a time until you can see again. This requires it’s own sort of endurance, it’s own new space, it’s own struggle in the adventure.

So my truth is coming to the surface, the light is bright and hopeful but what do I do with all the lies? They are gone from my head but they hide in my heart. This my friends, is when you claim the battlecry…and you listen on repeat, on repeat, on repeat.

You call the Mother Superior in desperation for her to remind you of your own truth, you retreat to the abbey when you feel low, the sisters dismantle cars so the lies can’t follow you, and you sing Despite What you SEE, I have Confidence in ME!!! until your heart has no choice but to own and follow…

It tells me all I trust I lead my heart to
All I trust becomes my own
I have confidence in confidence alone
(Oh help!)

I have confidence in confidence alone
Besides which you see I have confidence in me!

Can you believe it’s available in a ringtone and my phone won’t support it? It’s a tragedy!

May your battlecry be all around today, may the Mother Superiors and sisters be plentiful, may your truth lead you…

Jack was beside himself as he saw his first lightning bug of the season the other night. And speaking of lightning bugs- do you call them fireflies or lightning bugs? …I can’t decide which is more magical these days- lightning or fire! (feel free to weigh in)

There may not be enough money for a pool membership around here, but by golly, there will be outdoor movies, and smores, and shadow games and Adventure Time, and popcorn! Jorge had a lovely techie hook up and scored a very old projector but as long as it plays the The Muppet Movie, I think we are golden.

(AND we figured out it also serves as dance party maker via you tube videos!)

Spill it friends…tell me your Summer on the Cheap ideas in the comments! …and your suggestions for an outdoor movie (both grown up and kids movies- not necessarily together)…AND lightning bug or firefly?!!

I knew it was gonna be bad. Lucy’s beloved kindergarten teacher (the one that totally gets her), Mrs. Hines blew a disc in her back. This poor magical teacher soldiered on for weeks trying shots and meds but in the end she needed surgery. She was going to be out for 4 weeks.

Lucy did surprisingly well the first 3 weeks, the substitutes were rough but she stretched herself. She cried a little here and there but we looked at pics of Mrs. Hines, told stories of her goodness, counted the days until she would be back and Lucy pressed on.

The fourth week came, we were mad excited and then the bomb got dropped. Mrs. Hines would not be back for 3 more weeks and the substitute was awful. Luce started to fall apart. Mornings and nights of crying, stomach aches, my girl was down right almost depressed.

“I’ve just been waiting so long mom!” she said.

“I know baby, I know.” I replied, not really knowing what else to do. *sigh*

About a week later, she came to me one afternoon about to cry…and to be honest, I just didn’t have it in me to do it again. I sent her to Jorge thinking he could put in a few Mrs. Hines coping hours. Apparently we were all done with the situation because a few minutes later she came back.

She sat down hard in the chair, tears rolling down her face.

“Mom!” it was the tone of pain, and I instantly looked up.

“Mom, I am not getting the support I need!”  I sat shell shocked by her honesty and ability to call it in.

Her shoulders slumped.

“Mom, I need a lot of love to get me through this. ” She said while heaving.

She is six. And I was in total attention and awe…that she could say what every person on the planet feels and so desperately needs in the middle of something that feels so big. Why don’t we all do this? Just lay it out.

I had done every ritual I could think of…except the kitchen altar candle.

“Oh Luce, the only thing I can think of is when I am really sad and just can’t hold anything more I go to the kitchen altar candle. You know that one next to the sink where I do dishes? I just write down everything I need and what my heart is feeling and I light the candle and let the candle hold it for me. Do you want to try it?” I said.

She nodded her head and promptly filled up 5 slips of paper with her needs.

And when it was time to light the candle I remembered I had something special in the car. My dear friend Suzanne had just sent me one of her sweet sacred strikes. A tiny match book covered in her art with this message:

use these strike on box matches to light a candle in remembrance, as a prayer, a wish, or a blessing, as you strike the match, breathe deeply, breathing in love and breathing out love. breathe peace. breath hope. breathe light and love.

…and I looked at her little face as she breathed deep, following each instruction, taking all of it into her heart. I let her light the match and candle and we sat quietly for a moment. Together.

she asked me to take a picture of her face so she could remember

The next day she carried the tiny piece of art that came with the matches in her pocket to remember someone and something is holding it for her…and that the love you need to get you through is possible.

Maybe we just have to ask (but why is that so hard sometimes?)…or call it in the place of vulnerability and courage…and light a candle.

The candle is in the comments today my friends…feel free to write on your slips of paper, there is all the love you need…

Guys! Remember our friends Sarah and Greg from American Bear: An Adventure In The Kindness Of Strangers? Ever since that article Sarah and I have been dreaming up a kindness event that we could do together (we’ve also shared our various stranger stories and had epiphanies about our Numerology numbers! Yay for 11′s! ) with our communities.

We are so excited to tell you

Kindness Captured! A Day In Bravery And Kindness

is coming to 4 cities (maybe more!) at the end of June.

Look for more info soon…can you stand it? SO exciting!

Holla in the comments if you want in, or are intrigued, or maybe just mildly curious!  This is the summer you guys…it’s going to be a helluva summer filled with so much kindness!

After the Oprah article hit there was a swirl of energy, the kind of swirl that turns you upside down and you start imagining all kinds of things. Book agents reached out, a TV show producer wrote, all kinds of lovely and dear people filled my inbox with stories and interest.

I started to believe that I was on a new track, that the fairy godmother of goodness herself had come down to make kindness big, big, BIG!  I felt grateful, overwhelmed and humbled…and I braced myself for what was to come. …and then, it just sort of never came. Time between communication started to grow longer and longer.  I got a little crazy starting to check my e-mail 42,000 times a day,  rereading my exchanges…

Was that too forward?

Did I sound weird?

Oh God! It is so obvious how crazy I am! They wanted less crazy, less passionate, more normal.

I am so not smooth or cool, my brand is hilariously real, not polished at all.

And after awhile, this got so tiring that I went back to the thing I love and realized that I had the same exact feeling planning a kindness campaign in my alley with my garbage men that I did when I got the call I was going to be in O Magazine- the rush, the excitement, the thrill.

This feeling would last until the next kindness project was over, or there was a quiet moment, or a new opportunity fell through again…the thoughts would creep in again. I was confused because while the big doors were closing, everything in the grass and roots was beautiful and thriving.

All the places in my everyday kindness world were rockin’…hard. It was almost as if while I was losing my way there for a bit, waiting for the one shot, the small was getting deeper and wiser, despite my doubt and uncertainty…somehow my heart was still winning. How could that be? How could things be going so well and I feel so off at the same time?

I kept thinking, “If I just knew what it was, what I am missing, what track I am on, I can fix it, course correct, fix myself or accept it…this thing is worthy of all that.”

And then one day, out of the blue I got an e-mail…from one of those dear people I met as a result of  O Magazine…a friendship that had grown over letters exchanged with sweet Lisa, she had become a bonus mother and mentor and yet we’ve never even met in person. I didn’t ask her for advice, there was no great drama that day but her words came like a salve of understanding over everything, the wisdom that made the pieces finally fit…

She wrote:

Just have faith in that, trust that what you are doing is exactly right. The “how” is none of your business because as you trust the “what” (being and spreading kindness in our world) the how will come to you on a need to know basis. Kind of like traveling a road in the middle of the night. Your (flash)Light can only shine so far along the path. But you keep putting one foot in front of the other, trusting that the path will reveal itself as your light reaches it.  

My heart was instantly shifted. It had never occurred to me that I was on a “need-to-know” basis with the universe…that maybe I am not supposed to know at all or that it isn’t my job to try to figure it out. My light right in front of me is all I need and that it will grow stronger and brighter if the path ahead requires it.

That thought was so freeing yet totally frustrating at the same time for the girl who wishes she could control it all, work harder, do whatever it takes. …and here we are at a gentle surrender again…

…because the “what” is my love, it always makes sense even if it’s hard or unclear, and I know how to follow it. I can wake up and do that everyday. I am already doing it, it is enough. Kindness doesn’t need me or my crap to be together to make an impact on the world.

Maybe it was never meant to be so complicated. Maybe you are meant for something but the how is none of your business and your heart just needs to get completely lost in the what. Maybe the unknown is a kind gift, making space for the greater joy and all that already is and is to come.

Are you sweatin’ the unknown today? or wishing the light was brighter in front of you? Feel free to tell us  about it or offer your words of wisdom or hope in the comments. 

photo by Erin Spengeman

Almost everyday I get an e-mail asking about the Kindness Changes Everything stickers my friend and artist Suzanne Vinson created as the beginning of our Soulsisterhood. I am happy to tell you they are back, along with a bunch of new ideas for more art, more soulful living and more kindness in the world. Suzanne and I keep getting together and we’re all, “What if we did this?”, followed by a, “OOOooooo, YEAH! and THIS….” and I leave each talk with a bursting heart and mind. We can’t stop planning and dreaming…and being late for preschool pick-up. It’s so, so sweet…and I am learning so much along the way.

So you can get them here…still the same price ($3 for 5 and we’ll send 5 more for you to pass on) and all funds go into The Soulsister Jar of Kindness to fund more kindness projects.

The jar is almost full… so today we would love to share with you that for our first Kindness event we will be creating a gathering of women for a time of total soul care…for women that are working really hard and have given every last part of themselves, for those that need a space to just be, for women that need a nourishment they don’t even know about, for women that need to receive what they have given…sound like you? We don’t know who or when yet? but we know where and what it will look like…we’ll keep you posted.

Until then, consider this our invitation:

Welcome to the Tribe…a soulsister gathering of care.

AND…on to the new! We also have a 5×5 limited edition print of Kindness Changes Everything  just like the sticker (but bigger) for those that want to keep the kindness a little closer or leave something a little bigger! You can order it here.

AND we wanted to run something by you all! Someone asked us if we would be willing to translate the Kindness Changes Everything into other languages and go global with our sticker love! We thought it was a fantastic idea and started working on it but ran into a few questions…we thought maybe you all could help us.

For all our Spanish speaking/Spanish loving friends (and anyone else that loves to share opinions!):

Does the translation have the same ring and feel?

If we made this into a sticker, would you want to share it? Is there a need/desire?

What is the first word/thought/idea/feeling that came to your mind when you saw it?

Thank you so much for all the sticker love and friendship! We are so excited to see where this next batch ends up and the stories and kindness that will follow!

xo,

Suzanne & Patience

photo by Jason Roop

Thanks to Style Weekly for sharing The Magic Wand Project with Richmond in this week’s issue on news stands now. You can read the article here.*  I am so grateful!

Here’s some info:

You can read more about the project here. I would love to know

If you could be part of one thing to create GOOD in RVA (or your city),
What would it be?

You can read about the Kids project here.

We are inviting kids to discover their kindness magic and do 3 acts of kindness and then pass on the wand or hide it for another kid to find.

What is so crazy is that in less than a week, Magic Wands are popping up in Kansas,  Washington and all over Virginia.

We would love to see schools get involved, if are interested, you can download a tag and make your own wands  with your class! (or pass a wand around  filling up your school with kindness! )

It was my child that has been the hardest for me lately that has been the most intent on nurturing Mother’s Day this year. There were hours of creating a giant flower card and a trip to the park to pick mulberries and wrap them in leaves decorated with flowers.

It is a sweet moment where the artist’s persistence of creating is for me, the same intense love in which she pours all of herself into is manifested to celebrate my love for her. The exchange was important, for both of us.

She woke me up yesterday, unable to wait to give me her card.

“Oh Luce! I see so much love in this card…thank you! I really need your love.” I said.

“I need your love too mom. ” she replied.

…because there are years when the fullness of your heart tells you all you need to know about your place and role as a mom and then there are other years where you really, really need to know from the people you love that what you do matters, that you are seen, that someone cares and forgives you even if you haven’t been the greatest mom, that it’s okay that you are finding your way, that you rock this shit day in and day out, that the intent of your heart trumps everything. That they know just how deeply you love them.

So years were spent hoping they could see all that and mirror it back to me on this one day…the expectations held were enormous some years and others light as a feather.  It wasn’t until I owned my need that there was real space for them to love me. It turned almost comical… “Guys! This has been a terrible mothering year for me, I NEED TO KNOW YOU GUYS LOVE ME! Okay?”

Some children shocked at such honesty, “Mom! That’s not true! You are a GREAT mom!”

While some other 3 year old nodded in the corner, she knew things actually had been pretty rough…but somehow love rises in our authentic need. I said where I wanted to go, or what I wanted and left just a little space for surprise. These were the best Mother’s Days…and some years there was no energy for even that and those are the years when we have to take care of each other.

This is when the circle widens and mothers celebrate mothers. This is when you Ding Dong Ditch flowers to mothers you love my friend. When you text the words you know she needs to hear. When you call her and whisk her away to chalk kind messages of love on other mothers’ sidewalks, or just escape for coffee to listen.  This is when you receive what you need by offering it to someone else.

Whatever Mother’s Day you are having, there is space to need love and to receive it.  Someone is holding it for you today and tightly, whoever it is, they are. You are loved.

Feel free to leave words of love to other mothers in the comments today…they will be for all of us.