opa is very smart…

March 26, 2005

we just returned from a week of cuban food (lots of it), lounging around, a night at the fair and spending time with my parents.
i haven’t been to my childhood home in a few years now, my parents just keep traveling here on holidays so it’s been awhile. i wasn’t really prepared to go there. the house hasn’t really changed, but the walls know such history and just being there made me feel nostalgic.

i started thinking about my mother and how she cried everytime we were leaving after a visit with my grandparents. she wasn’t sure she’d see them again, in that house, that one she grew up in. it was like 15 years she cried like that…it seemed a little silly at the time but now i totally understand. it isn’t that i think they will die anytime soon, it’s just that being there reminded me that they will die someday.

the sweet look on their faces as we drove away, i etched it deep in my mind- like those moments in time that you never want to forget because they seem to encompass all the love you feel for each other.
even sweeter, is realizing your kids have their own relationship with your parents. my parents are REALLY good grandparents, they know how to play with little children. they are kind and patient, and delight in them fully. josiah was so taken with my dad, it was healing for me to watch them together. like whatever our relationship lacked is being made up in the expression of love on my children. i could see through watching them together how he has always felt about me, whether he was always there to express it or not. it’s taken me a long time to see this.
my boys relished in the gentle instruction of their opa. “mama, you know opa is very smart.” josiah said as we left. “he knows about all kind of stuff.”
i just felt wise in the knowledge of his love. the love of both my parents…their deep desire to love us the best they knew how and with everything they are. this transcends any mistakes they might have made. i understand it more and more as i go along in my parenting. i hope my kids know someday, despite screwing them up, how deeply i love them…

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