thank you’s….

July 13, 2005

did you ever get a thank you note that you felt like you should write a thank you back for the thank you? oh…i just got the sweetest, most gentle, kindred spirit kind from someone i barely know.

these sorts of experiences bond me to people. it was such a nothing little care package i sent- i just kept thinking, “i hope this is all okay.” and then it was more than okay. my heart feels full, i want to cry. i feel so blessed and touched to meet people people in pain or hard times. the thank you seems just wrong. when people allow you to be part of their lives during hard times, i don’t know, it just means so much to me. like such a gift, especially when you really get each other. god, if i could live every day of my life taking meals, preparing care packages, and hearing people’s hearts and souls- *sigh*- i learn so much from friends like these- i just don’t know why i don’t do it more. what holds me back? i think of people all the time and never pick up the phone. i wonder how they are doing or know something major is going on- i wonder how it went but i rarely act on these thoughts.

or i just know someone needs something i have to give but i get too busy, preoccupied, or distracted. it keeps me from such joy and fullness in my heart. some days i just want to forget my faith and live my life – forget it all, and just live everyday without the questions, the things that cause me angst, and just do these things that make me so happy. that is what feels real…just love…

so here’s the quote on the cover of the thank you card- (it was from one of my most favorite childhood books…)

“real isn’t how you are made. it’s a thing that happens to you. when a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with but REALLY loves you, then you become real…it doesn’t happen all at once. you become. it takes a long time. that’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. generally, by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and get loose in the joints and very shabby. but these things don’t matter at all, because once you are real you can’t be ugly, except to people that don’t understand.”

-explained the skin horse to the velveteen rabbit-

we have to love each other…there are so many more i need to love…..

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