boxed in…

July 30, 2006

i hate feeling like i don’t have any options. it must be a letters thing
or something. i like to know there are in fact at least 32 flavors when i’m deciding on ice cream even though i always choose the same two. mint chocolate chip and some form of peanut butter and chocolate in case you were wondering…

i have felt very boxed in, trapped, at the end of my rope sort of feelings in my job for the last year. i desperately wanted to quit but was afraid to give up the money, flexibility, and extras it provided my family. as time went on the scale started tipping, was the work drama worth all of that ? after awhile it seemed that there had to be some greater lesson, the kind you have to sort out or learn or you’ll just be carrying that shit with you to the next place you go. so after being completely broken down, i surrendered and accepted the truth . i gathered my strength and faced the demon head on and then something weird and kind of amazing happened. i felt free, like suddenly there were lots of options- even in my shitty job.

when the dust in my soul settled, it was quiet. it hasn’t been peaceful in so long. i got two calls that week, someone offered me a job somewhere else and a call for an opportunity i didn’t even realize i’ve been preparing for all along. one of these isn’t even really an option, it’s more like in the dream category. i guess we are never really boxed in. it’s just that we might not consider the options we have. or maybe we are trying to make the path instead of the path finding us…

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