please don’t ask…

October 17, 2007

does anyone know how to get out a stain made from an ENTIRE bottle of personal lubricant out of my very worn wood floors? let’s just say i found a very slippery lucy exploring my private stash. i also found condoms mixed with the little people- it’s full body protection.

6 Responses to “please don’t ask…”

  1. kate Says:

    best post EVER.

  2. Jenna Says:


    This is hilarious! I am QUITE SURE not for you, but what a little character your sweet, little Lucy is! This will be a great story to tell in the years to come for which she will want to just shrink into oblivion! Can’t offer any help for the stain, but I am glad to know that the little people are safe and secure!



  3. Julie Says:

    Every little girl knows intuitively that lubricant is good for wood floors. When we were kids, the little play people WERE made of wood. I guess they are plastic now. So, they shouldn’t need condoms. But, the good news is, it will protect them from MRSA!
    Someday, you’ll have to get Suzanne to tell you the story of her oldest son finding cardboard tampax applicators in the trash. He put one on each of his tiny little fingers, walked up to her while she chatted with a friend in the back yard along the fence, and shouted, “Looking mommie! I have long finger nails!” At least Lucy didn’t take her “protected” little people on a play date.
    Love, Julie

  4. kindnessgirl Says:

    oh my gosh julie, THAT is hilarious! the boys used to LOVE pads because they were like big stickers, they made for great storm trooper accessories when they went through their star wars (which they used call star whores) phase.
    i do actually watch my children some days…. 🙂

  5. Beck Says:

    AHHH! A Chemist in the making….she’s being environmentally conscious, developing new uses for existing items! INGENIOUS! One day, she will WOW you in another totally unforgettable way…meanwhile, giggle when you see the stain, knowing she will leave similar marks of distinction in your next home, too!

    Her song will go somethin’ like this……..”lemme give you some JA UU OY, show you how to LU CEN up your hold…lemme show you some JA UU OY, a warm heart is not cold……”

    If the landlord asks about the stain, tell her it was one of the half-dozen, half-baked hvac contractors the real estate agent sent to your home last summer. Tell her the guy peed in the floor when you said the system should be fixed and not replaced…then tell the landlord to deduct the stain abatement costs from her next commission.

  6. kindnessgirl Says:

    oh my lord beck, please, please blog, you are too funny!

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