despite what you see…

February 28, 2008

julie.jpg

Whatever problem you have, I promise you the Sound of Music can fix it.

Feeling blue or scared? Just think of your favorite things.

Needing someone to take care of you? Are you feeling unable to face a world of men? Find someone 17 going on 18. no scratch that, just someone older and wiser.

Don’t quite fit in? It probably means it’s time to go climb every mountain, just ford every stream. Never give up on your dreams.

Feeling unsure of your self? Despite what you see, I have confidence in me. It’s nothingthe Mother Superior, an old carpet bag and a new adventure can’t fix.

Somewhere along the way I started to tell myself some lies about who I am. It’s so easy to do really, sometimes all it takes is one crappy experience as a kid or a particular placement in your family, a situation you find yourself in, just one little thing that you allow to sneak into your heart. Once you start to believe and invest in these untruths, they become bigger and hard to shake. We often struggle, endure, grieve, create space, make peace and embrace whole parts of ourselves that were never true in the first place.

This makes climbing mountains and fording streams feel damn near impossible. You forget that dreams exist, or they feel a million miles away. Sometimes the only way to rediscover who you are is to leave everything else behind, or start to peel away one layer at a time until you can see again. This requires it’s own sort of endurance, it’s own new space, it’s own struggle in the adventure.

So my truth is coming to the surface, the light is bright and hopeful but what do I do with all the lies? They are gone from my head but they hide in my heart. This my friends, is when you claim the battlecry…and you listen on repeat, on repeat, on repeat.

You call the Mother Superior in desperation for her to remind you of your own truth, you retreat to the abbey when you feel low, the sisters dismantle cars so the lies can’t follow you, and you sing Despite What you SEE, I have Confidence in ME!!! until your heart has no choice but to own and follow…

It tells me all I trust I lead my heart to
All I trust becomes my own
I have confidence in confidence alone
(Oh help!)

I have confidence in confidence alone
Besides which you see I have confidence in me!

Can you believe it’s available in a ringtone and my phone won’t support it? It’s a tragedy!

May your battlecry be all around today, may the Mother Superiors and sisters be plentiful, may your truth lead you…

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5 Responses to “despite what you see…”

  1. Anne Says:

    trust in your heart, trust your intuitions, put your doubts in a box and send them down the river. You are awesome!
    What a lucky soul who will enter into your family as child number 4. Continue spreading your inspiration and kindness, it does make a difference.

  2. Amy Says:

    just what I needed to read today to arrest the downward spiral of self-doubt and turn off the barrage of irrational thoughts. it’s a daily effort to stay on the right path, but at least now I know how to get there.

  3. kate Says:

    stfu! i just sang that ENTIRE song yesterday at WORK. complete with the skirt swirl. and my tone-deaf, glorious voice.

    and then a coworker had the nerve to actually admit that she had never even seen it!

    i am fairly certain we are the only two people in the universe that watched sound of music every day for a decade.

  4. cardiogirl Says:

    Wow, this was an awesome post! I know most of it was tongue in cheek (my favorite kinda post, truth be told) but I did find this strangely inspiring.

    Maybe it’s time for me to rent The Sound of Music. I CAN climb every mountain, dammit!

  5. Abbie Says:

    Oh, my god…I knew I loved you! The sound of music is one of my top 3 faves.!!! Three summers ago, Izzie and I watched it like at least 25 times! Can’t convince any of the other family members of its greatness!


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