a very pregnant turkey…
September 17, 2008
I roll (literally) out of bed because this is the only way I can get out these days. I look at myself in the mirror.
“Yep, I look done, cooked.” I say to myself.
It’s Thanksgiving dinner and all the side dishes are piping hot, ready to go. The glasses are on the table, the ice is melting. I open the oven door to a perfectly brown turkey and then stick the thermometer under that bad boy’s leg- it barely reaches 175 degrees. The turkey is NOT done, even though it looks perfectly ready. Damn…
That’s me. I have that haggard sort of done pregnant face insisting that I’ll probably be giving birth by tonight or tomorrow. When is the full moon again? How many centimeters am I dilated already? except, apparently I’m not cooked all the way, I’m like at 180 degrees. and technically I have 2 more weeks…but there is just one huge problem.
I’m so off my game, I couldn’t be further from the field. I’m one of those very pregnant people who lives life until the very last second and then I drop a baby. It’s a much more pleasant way to be at the end. One more time at the gym? one last dinner out? of course we can pick apples! This strategy has served me right into labor.
example:
6:45pm- I was watching Napoleon Dynamite thinking to myself, “Why can’t I pay attention to this movie?”
8:57pm- Lucy was in my arms.
Today (and the last 5 days), nothing is working…I feel like ass. I’m nauseous and exhausted, my body and mind hit a huge wall even I can’t climb over. So I lay in bed hoping this is not my life for the next 2 (or God help me, 3) weeks. I am more disturbed by my inability to do it the way I want than having to wait.
My midwife (who is like yoda) assures me you do not enter birth this way, and that I should feel better by the weekend. This little hormone shift is also indicative of 4th baby and a sign of going to the end, needless to say this was not encouraging news to me.
Especially after only being able to stay a whole 25 minutes (they are usually an hour) at my appointment because Lucy was a total pill. I cried the whole way home…my only comforting thought was that nobody knows when except baby girl, maybe that’s exactly how it should be.
Truth be told, I don’t even like the turkey, the stuffing is the best part and is definitely worth the wait…
so dear internets…what say you to this almost done brown turkey? how do you do the end? what wisdom are you hiding under your turkey leg?
Kindnessgirl 
September 17, 2008 at 6:52 pm
you are the cutest turkey i have ever met.
September 17, 2008 at 9:50 pm
What I say to the pregnant turkey is this: lose the “shoulds”: that you should be going apple picking or that you should be resting or that you should be feeling better.
Whatever you’re doing is what you should be doing, by definition!
Think of that baby girl as puppet master inside you, pulling all your strings…maybe to make you feel like shit so you’ll rest, maybe giving you a short but unexpected burst of energy to help you rally, maybe giving you the weepies to let out some energy that you need to let go of. One of your super powers is going with the flow, but damn, girl, you have been pregnant for, what, 150+ weeks in your life. No wonder you are DONE!
My last piece of advice: get babysitting for Lucy for your next appointment so you can get your full hour of soul care. Heck, if we are in town, just drop her off on the way to Nancy’s. (We’ll be back Monday night).
This is all happening as it should, and I can’t wait to meet baby Love!
September 17, 2008 at 9:51 pm
p.s. I am full of crap, as you will see if you look back at blog posts at the end of november when I was DONE. I was miserable and whiny and not very zen at all! I did some painting on the birth tub, which helped for about a half an hour! But it did help!
September 18, 2008 at 7:50 am
the only thought that comes to mind is: everything in God’s time. My expectations often sabotage my days, and I get how awful it is to feel awful (and to know I may be feeling awful for many days to come).
If it helps, know you’re never alone on the path. And that when it’s most difficult, we’re praying and cheering and hoping for a smooth stretch (for us all).
peace and love
September 18, 2008 at 8:37 am
I think your body is waiting for you to enter your cave… to turn everything else off, to focus on yourself and your baby… *your* needs, *your* feelings…. and life just hasn’t allowed you to do much of that lately. You got a lot going on in your cave!
I hope this weekend brings rest for you.
September 18, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Oh man, I feel your pain. I am a very very impatient person and pregnancy is no exception. The last month I was crazy and the last 2 weeks were insane. I was just plain nuts. I wanted to climb out of my skin. I got sick. Oh it was just awful. But then one day i woke up and I was not depressed, or anxious or sick. The next day I felt even better. I went to get my car’s oil changed and my car washed. I had to start timing my contractions at the car wash. =)
Perhaps this is the last gasp. Maybe your body and mind are in a manic state of sorts because they know its close. But then something clicks and peace will settle in and then I bet it will be any minute after that.
I don’t think there is any thing magic you can do to find peace, or rest, or settle down or chill out. Just tell yourself that how you feel is OK, its fine, its normal, and your baby will be here soon, when she is ready, probably with very little warning and a lot of drama because that’s how girls seem to be. LOL
You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers and I’ll be checking your blog for updates (found you thru Nikole =) )
do whatever makes you feel better right now. cry, walk, clean, eat, sleep if possible. do nothing. whatever makes you feel less nutty. Man do I remember those last days!! whew!
September 19, 2008 at 10:27 am
after completely losing it several times you brought me your sister’s card that said “peace is holding you now” and some fresh cut flowers. The flowers were still alive when Ruby was born. I made art. It was all I could do. The wolf nose sense of smell hit a new peak 48 hours before she came, love you.
September 23, 2008 at 7:15 pm
thank you dear internet friends…you always have a way of sending me in the kindest direction with out making me feel like a loser. blessings to you all….