when unkindness strikes…
May 31, 2009
What do you do when unkindness strikes? The kind that hurts your heart in a deep place. I’m always kind of stunned by this and deeply saddened. Especially when it is cloaked in something else and it’s hard to see at first that you just got screwed over. So vague right? sorry.
I’m not sure what to do except sit in the pain for a little while…and look at it, wonder how it happened, try to understand, and cry, and look at flowers, and hold babies, and let big strong love in the form of your husband’s arms hold you, and try to move on…try really, really hard.
Remind yourself that kindness can change everything, everything.
Kindnessgirl 
May 31, 2009 at 7:32 pm
when unkindness strikes, sometimes the best thing we can do is be made really, really naked and tender by it…no walls, no armor. this is so hard. but if we can manage to pull it off, if we can allow unkindness to unravel us in a certain way, something really beautiful can take place: the end of something actually becomes the beginning of something else.
we launch ourselves into that beginning having been stripped of our illusions. we know the truth. and in that knowing, we are made stronger and our path is made clearer.
a certain innocence has been laid to rest by the unkindness, and we grieve that innocence, to be sure. but in its place is wisdom and discernment. and so we move forward with our eyes open, unfettered by people and relationships that no longer serve us.
we find people and relationships that lift us up, nurture us, believe in us, and share their bounty with us. if we are free of anger and resentment about the unkindness, we can receive these people with pure and glad hearts and allow their kindnesses to shower over us, healing us.
you have done this for me, patience. i, too, was shocked and hurt by unkindness, and your friendship was a mighty and healing salve. it continues to lift me up. each and every day i am grateful that the universe shed my life of those people and their unkindnesses, the way a snake sheds its skin. my life was made new, and room was made for you…
the best is yet to come, friend. you can hold me to that.
May 31, 2009 at 7:37 pm
I confess, I tend to harden and put walls up when unkindness strikes. I don’t trust others and start expecting the worst from everyone.
I must try to look for healing and kindness wherever it is and not let one bad experience color everything.
May 31, 2009 at 7:57 pm
I found what Kelly said to be so beautiful.
I used to always get angry when people were unkind. That’s how I tried to protect myself.
More and more, I sit with the hurt and embarrassment. It is painful! But I feel like my heart is growing and yes – something new begins.
Sending you good wishes.
May 31, 2009 at 8:12 pm
Patience, you are a beautiful woman and I’m so sorry you have been hurt. Kind people are easy targets unfortunately, but those who hurt you will have their day. Karma does exist my friend.
I’m sending you warm hugs and tons of kind thoughts. 🙂
May 31, 2009 at 8:37 pm
i don’t have good words Patience, but i’m here, and i’m sorry this hurt is in your life, and i’m ready to do any little thing ever that will lift your heart.
May 31, 2009 at 9:05 pm
can’t imagine anyone intentionally being mean to you, but as I look around, I know that it can happen.
let me know if you need some farm fresh air. even if, when the wind blows just right, it could be tainted with cow poop.
May 31, 2009 at 9:58 pm
Oh, I love Kelly’s words, too. Know that I’m thinking about you, Patience, and sending lots of healing energy your way.
May 31, 2009 at 11:04 pm
When there is unkindness, I try to remind myself that it’s almost never about me. It’s about someone else’s stuff, and that person is probably hurting. Sometimes it makes me feel better. Not always, but sometimes.
You are such an inspiration, and I hope that kindness heals your heart. Because you’re right, it can change everything.
June 1, 2009 at 8:54 am
Since you have all these other gentle, sweet souls at your disposal, let me offer to be your muscle and kick some ass for you. I jest, but that is usually my first reaction to unkindess directed at me or my friends–anger at the person who did it. When I feel hurt by someone, I love when my friends rally around me, validate that my perception of the cruelty is real and true, offer me tea and sympathy, and drop lots of f-bombs when talking about whoever hurt me and what they did. But I am probably less evolved!! 🙂
But it really sucks when unkindness as masked as something else–care and concern for you, inattention, indifference, etc. Then you feel like a crazy person for being so hurt by it, and it’s hard to know where to put all that hurt.
Give me a call if you need to hear some f-bombs dropped.
June 1, 2009 at 9:43 am
Oooh, just let me know, I’ll pull out all of the lightsavers (sic) in my house and I’ll come and obliterate the culprit to the swamps of Louisianna where they can be bitten by thousands of mosquitos. Then, because kindness really is the way the world needs to be, we’ll mail some calamine lotion. I love you girl, my heart is heavy for your sadness – but as each day of sunrise occurs, the pain shall lessen. And, You are So Loved!
June 1, 2009 at 7:22 pm
Patience- I am with Sarah and am ready to kick some ass for you. I feel my own pain deeply, but want to protect those I love …. so do know that you so very loved. And of course, time heals all wounds. Hang in there and remember blueberries will be here before you know it!
June 1, 2009 at 7:52 pm
I’m like Sarah, I get gnawingly angry and more than anything, I want to be validated. When somebody hurts me, I need people who witnessed it and understand. I usually want people to stand up for me to the cruel person, but that usually doesn’t happen. And that hurts, too.
Kelly is right, we learn and grow from these times, and grieve the pieces of us we lose along the way. If only growing didn’t hurt so much. I’m so sorry you’re hurting.
June 1, 2009 at 9:11 pm
I personally do not handle unkindness well. I am kind to everyone and almost expect (maybe ridiculously so) that people will be kind back. It is the karma aspect and what I project to the world. My self conscious nature worries sometimes that I am at fault, but sometimes unkindness just comes. No reason, no real understanding. Find comfort in those things that radiate kindness because unfortunately, we can brighten the world with our own actions, but we can’t control it. I am here if you need me.
June 1, 2009 at 11:08 pm
kindness can change everything, everything. kindness can change everything, everything. this is our new mantra over here and i’m holding you in my heart.
xoxoxo,
c
June 5, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Reading your post, and the response from Kelly really helped me with a struggle I am currently feeling. It is in regard to a major unkindness done to me…and losing a friend. I am hurting, but your posts helped me to put my pain in perspective more, and even though I do not know you & your group of friends, I want you to know you have helped me. I appreciate your words and your efforts make the world more beautiful. Thank you for being kindness girl!
June 7, 2009 at 9:37 pm
For kindness to exist, its opposite must also exist. For the joy that is brought by kindness to fully live, its rage inducing opposite must also be given space. And like or not, admit to it or not, these opposites not only exist in “the world” but also reside in each and every one of us.
I am so sorry for your pain, your loss, your rage and your sadness and the implication of defeat this “unkind act” has left you with. I am sorry you have been forced to face these front and center and that your core has been shaken.
It is because you can feel unkindness so deeply that you have been able to so freely share your own kindness and love. There is so much love surrounding you, it is humbling. It doesn’t make your wound any less painful, it doesn’t diminish your need to rage and lash out or just be sad and quiet… but just like we hold our children when they cry, so they will know that though they hurt, they are loved… we all hold you so you know you are loved and hope for you that this pain eases quickly and doesn’t scar too deeply.
I hope for you that having your core shaken only makes you more confident in your own kindess, more confident in that love that you choose to share. More confident eventually, anyway.
(And, if you need another member of the muscle-f-bomb-posse, gimme a ring! I’m so there! I’m also so there for the hug-cry-love fest that should always follow hurting…)
Sending love~Jennifer
June 26, 2009 at 9:06 am
This string has helped me too. I’m MUCH older (71) than you all are, yet the thoughts you’ve expressed are a balm to me as well as to you. We are one in being feeling, thinking, kindly people, women who hold each other up when the universal impacts of meanness hit us. One is never too old or too young to be gob-smacked by hurtful acts, so it’s great that here, in the ether, you all are, sharing wisdom and nurturing as old as time. Thank you.