when they hold your heart…

November 6, 2010

I asked him if I could take his picture. Not his most favorite but it must have been the look in my eye, he said yes. At the end of our short session, he took this picture of me…no make up, no walls, wrinkles, tired yet open, the cup starting to fill once again. That smile was for him…just moments ago right after this picture…

…I told him I really felt his love, his care and it meant a lot. He told me to put down the camera.
I dropped it to my waist.
“No, put the camera DOWN.” he insisted.
“I’m not shooting, I promise.” I explained.
He gave me a look as if to say, “just do it”. I laid it down, and he dove into my arms.
“You were always mine, ever since you were a baby.” I whispered.
“I know.” he said as he squeezed a little harder.

And yet, I’ve always been scared of this time…the time when they grow beyond you and away….away. How will it be? Knowing how life changes and should.
I gave them my heart so long ago, so willingly and lately I think they know it in a new way and have carried mine so tenderly in return. I have no expectation or need for them to, love flows from the top down, kids never holding more than they should but their kindness, their awareness, their way…well, I am so grateful. Everyday that goes by and they grow, I pray I remember days just like this, when for just a moment, they held my heart.

10 Responses to “when they hold your heart…”

  1. kelly Says:

    oh my god, oh my. i am crying. i see this love between you all the time, and yes, it is top down, but those kids are so generous with you with their loving kindness. it is only because you have filled them with such love that they are able to reflect it back to you. but you know this. i am crying, too, because i feel like i just peeked into the looking glass at my future with these boys of mine…oh my. the whole-hearted love, the bittersweet letting go…

  2. YMGH Says:

    Such a lovely post and such sweet boys!!

  3. Amber Says:

    Parenting is so, so bittersweet. Sniff!

  4. Kelly Says:

    Okay, it’s only 9:51 a.m. on Monday and I’m crying already. So lovely.

  5. Tears rolling down my face. Glad I work at home. You are beautiful.

  6. Trish Says:

    By FAR your best blog post EVER. So BEAUTIFUL. Please put these words to music or speak them in film content as you did on your prior post.

    I want to purchase a print from you with the last paragraph of what you wrote. Let me know when I can purchase it. Room is waiting on my wall.

  7. Meg Says:

    Wow. Such a lovely post about such a lovely bond.

  8. Pippa Says:

    You made me cry already, I only hopped over from Jen Lemen for a quick look and got sucked in LOL!

  9. pagalina Says:

    Gosh, this just slayed me. SLAYED.

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