letting go of struggle…
May 17, 2011
I’ve had a tight grip on struggle for as long as I can remember. I’m not really sure of all the reasons but maybe I felt like it on some level it should or had to be that way. It would mean I cared, or was working hard…I told myself it added to my value, or made me who I am. There were moments when all of that was (is) true but recently I’ve had a soft spoken voice in my heart and I am listening…the kind of listening you do when you are a little girl and someone reads or sings you to sleep, when your mind and heart want and are ready to rest.
It is kind and gentle, letting me know it might be okay to loosen the grip, ever so gradually…for fingers pressed white to fill with life blood, to feel what it is like to have hands start to unfold, for old callouses and skin to be nourished, to look, to see, to show, to even honor their work…to let something new fall into these hands.
It some times feels a little scary and awkward to walk around with tired, open hands, with nothing to hold on to…yet tender and good…and something is happening, that one thing I know for sure. Something.