making friends with your irrational thoughts…
September 5, 2011
lyra grace
Her eyes alone can tell you she is almost three, ready to take on the world with the waffle headband and cherry boots she’s been rocking all summer. I have looked at this picture about 1,000 times this morning, mostly because she is making me crazy and I need a little reminder that I am actually in awe of her. She’s demanding and passionate, insisting that everything be done just so and now. She’s completely irrational.
For months I’ve had my eye on getting some big kindness work done, calling into being the ideas and dreams I’ve held close for quite some time. Something so exciting coming just this week (stay tuned) became a sort of deadline, the spark needed to set the roaring fire going. I’ve known for months, feeling the weight of the time approaching and still I procrastinated. It’s like almost impossible for me to work any other way, not to mention my kindness ADD where I am constantly distracted by the never ending opportunities surrounding me every where I go.
As I was gearing up my inner three year old this weekend, to call in all the help I need to pull something grand off, the flu descended upon my house. Well, upon Jorge actually.
The flu, THE FLU. We went from pulling all nighters, throwin’ back the redbulls and high fivin’ in the morning over the amazing work done to please, please oh God, please don’t let it spread, massive amounts of Emergen-C, Lysol is now your best friend, hazmat quarantine, I can’t believe he is more than man-sick and HOW AM I EVER GOING TO GET IT DONE? …and I was mad, so mad because I thought it was going to be my time, mad that I procrastinated, mad my children were needier than ever, mad that my poor husband had the flu.
How can you be mad at someone who is deathly ill with the flu?! Hello irrational thoughts…
The weekend went by, I gave impeccable care to Jorge with almost no bedside manner, barked at children and was generally grouchy and miserable. So this morning I woke up, threw on a waffle headband and some running shoes, prayed that Pandora would hold out and not stutter and freeze on my crappy phone and ran. And for some strange reason, the Girl Talk channel spoke to me, the Universe conspired and played the exact right song after song until I reached the park where I promptly sat down and cried. …and I felt better.
On the way home a wise friend told me I may want to make friends with those irrational thoughts, sit in the humanity for a bit…so I could let them go (and not resent my dear family or treat them badly). …and she was right because even when you are 3 or 34, you really just want someone to hear your rant, hold you and tell you all will be fine…whether you can’t have ice cream for breakfast or your spankin’ new kindness website won’t get done in time.
It’s really all okay… because the ice cream and website will be super sweet when the time is right. and you will get it…because you have your power headband on…and your cherry boots.
Kindnessgirl 
September 5, 2011 at 7:42 pm
I love you, pache…has it really been 3 years? she’s irrationally beautiful and so are you. yes, it will all work out…at the right time.
September 5, 2011 at 9:10 pm
Relieved to hear there are other inner 3 year olds at work in other women/households nearby– not a week I wanted to make friends with the irrational side of humanity and not sure I have, but there are a couple of silver linings’ glinting at me and a telling dream. I will be looking for a monthly meetup of women in the same boat just to check in and keep the irrational side from getting the better of me and growling at my family! Consider being a part of it? 😉
September 5, 2011 at 11:40 pm
Only YOU could have captured that precious girl in that gilded moment or juggled the chaos of the FLU or thrown on a waffle headband to run out the angst of wanting to accomplish so much in seemingly precious little time. YOU rock no matter what state you feel you are in or surrounded by! Big Panda Bear Hugs from one who is always so inspired by the KINDNESS of YOU.
September 6, 2011 at 12:46 am
And we will be here…. patiently waiting for the right time to view the new website. Everything in it’s time. This week, next week or next month… it will be worth the wait and we are patient. (We love you!)
September 6, 2011 at 10:42 am
Irrational thoughts can sometimes work for us…I totally hear ya on procratinating…I think I work more efficiently when I procrastinate…that’s what I tell myself, anyway…and It DOES seem that no one is needier than when there is a big deadline ahead…it will all get done…in time…be kind to YOU right now…you need it tooo!!!
September 6, 2011 at 10:43 am
Oh…and we LOVE you…and your sweet, kind, enormous heart!
September 6, 2011 at 10:43 am
Ahhhhh, another patience moment. You leave me feeling so much better about life in general when I just take the time to read your posts, etc. Thanks for being awesome.
September 7, 2011 at 7:47 am
love your post, we all need cherry boots and someone to listen to us.
September 7, 2011 at 8:11 am
I’d like to take this opportunity to channel my grandmother and say, “OH FOR CRYING OUTLOUD!!” You poor thing!
September 7, 2011 at 9:45 pm
It never ends, does it? At least, I mean, if we are lucky. Love you.
September 7, 2011 at 9:51 pm
That little girl reminds me of my baby girl! It will all work out!
September 8, 2011 at 9:13 pm
patience, you are amazing. your kindness is so real and honest. if you can have a hard run and a good cry and still be patience, then i think i can get through hard days, too. the cherry boots photo is precious. hope everyone is feeling better at your house!
September 16, 2011 at 7:41 am
Thank you so much for being REAL!
September 25, 2011 at 10:29 pm
[…] best news of the week was that, Jorge and I finally got it done, didn’t kill each other AND there were LOTS of high fives all around! Thank you my friend, […]