cutting through life…

March 2, 2012

She was not this happy before, I promise you. She was miserable for weeks and there was nothing really to do, except let her grow, let that little tooth do the very hard work of cutting through. All the wondering, is it teeth? Surely it is almost here- fast foward to 2 months later when the pearly white finally pops.

I know this place well myself…I am in it at the moment. It’s the time when you start to think something might be happening, a change coming taking you to a place of experiencing life in a new way. You’ll be actually able to taste and CHEW stuff, bite into something delicious…your world opening up in a million new ways.

Except getting there sucks so bad…remember? For the love of God, who let me invite The Year of Learning into my life?  I thought it was going to be taking photography classes and jumping into hard projects or putting myself out there? I had. no. idea. it was going to be learning how to navigate conflict and disappointment, negotiate deals (or rather completely fail in negotiating), standing up and in myself in complicated situations where others may not agree, oh lord, standing in myself, AGAIN…I mean how many ways can one girl learn how to do that?! …and finding through each experience, what I am and what I am not about. Finding kindness again and again, painstakingly again.

…and here is the worst part, I know it isn’t over. I know, way down deep inside that I am not at the place, the day when the tooth actually breaks through…I kept thinking I was, but I know, ughhhh, I know I am not, I am not quite ready to handle all that. It is instead the mysterious in between place, the sometimes miserable, and yet productive. The tooth has always been there…and so I do the work of growing- because this is what we do, because this is life…and because there are 31 more to go.

So my Hyland’s tablet, my frozen bagel or washcloth, my jacked up on tylenol is this today- (thanks Dr. Seuss, you nailed it…and happy birthday, I am so glad you were born)

(p.s. and God bless all the parents holding that teething baby, I know we are hard, I thank you.)