the art of kindness…
October 6, 2007
it’s always been there. ever since i can remember there has always been a place in my heart that held kindness apart. the voice was loud and repetitive but i was worried it was too forward, too much.
“you barely know that person, they will be so weirded out if you do that.” “that” being the act of kindness in my head. the acts are different every time but the voice is the same. i’ve learned to quiet the doubt, she’s still there but she keeps being proven wrong so it’s getting harder to believe her.
maybe that’s why the random acts were the easiest, bums and strangers. connecting for just a brief moment and moving on. it takes more courage in invade someone’s privacy during a difficult time, i constantly question my timing and whether i should step into the space at all. i’ve made mistakes, said the wrong thing, or didn’t do enough yet somehow the power of my intuition has required me to claim this path this year. it has been my work to decide that i really am or at the least want to be kindness girl.
my fears are that people will feel like projects, that my kindness is some kind of compulsion, that the acts really are selfish good deeds, or to presume that i know what will be meaningful or helpful to someone, that i will neglect my family, that i won’t receive the returns, that it isn’t enough. even with all my hang-ups and intensity, the light of kindness is still so needed in the world.
the truth is there are parts i don’t really care about at all. i am uncomfortable with thank you’s or credit, i like to leave quickly, that it’s more of a soulful art to me. in the end, i mostly do it for myself. i love the process, i like figuring out what the thing or need is, i love believing in kindness. really believing it can change something, someone, the world.
this belief makes it feel a tiny bit easier to voice that this is my work, even though at times is still feels awkward as hell. it’s even weirder to try to figure out how i can make money to fund it but it’s too big in my head now. i have to claim the superpower, i am kindness girl.
Kindnessgirl 
December 15, 2007 at 10:00 pm
Serendipity led me to your sister’s art while blog hopping last week and she led me to you this afternoon. I love the magic of serendipity.
I can strongly relate to this post as I’ve struggled with the “what will they think” resistance to my own kindness inspirations. I’ve refused to act on many little promptings due to this fear. But like you, my intuition is calling me in deeper, to be more bold in my service. My online kindness project, The Conspiracy of Blessings, is a “safe” way to practice my intuitive generosity, but I know I can do so much more.
We live in such a cynical world and people are so suspicious–including ourselves–that every act of kindness or generosity has a hidden agenda of some kind. Because I used to give as a passive-aggressive way of binding people to me (the shadow of my gift), I am always on alert for an unhealthy agenda in my giving.
I also have a hard time accepting creative generosity as my bliss because how do you fund that without doing some kind of work I don’t love as much to pay for it? How can someone make a living from creative generosity?
I’m so glad I found you today and learned about your journey. I look forward to witnessing and being inspired by your continued evolution.
Blissings.