the old luggage tag and small acts of love…

November 18, 2007

He left three weeks ago, it has felt like an eternity and just yesterday all rolled up into one. I figured out a way to live with out him but not really, his old luggage tag was in the fridge. In the chaos of trying to leave it found it’s way there and I never had the heart to take it from it’s friend the milk.

Every open of the door I caught a glance of his writing and our old address. We had a baby in the living room of that house, it was Jackie boy’s favorite color, our family bed was in it’s hay day, a summer of deck parties every weekend, it was where our friendship traveled to a whole new place.

“Mom, what is this?”, Josiah asked as he pulled out the milk for his cereal. “It’s my sanity love, just put it back, okay?”, I said. His eyebrows crinkled and the crazy morning continued. We were late for school so I told Josiah he would have to grab breakfast in the cafeteria and eat it on the way to class.

Yes, free breakfast and this isn’t exactly a low income crowd either. Josiah loves these breakfasts more than life itself because they offer all the things I never buy or make, like sausage on a stick wrapped in a pancake with a side of donuts. In Josiah’s heaven, the streets will be lined with glazed donuts.

This is also the school where they have too many parents who want to go on the field trips. The teacher picks one parent for each trip, this essentially turned it into 1 million dollar lottery. People are probably selling their spots on ebay or something.

Josiah was anxious, he desperately wanted Jorge to go to the upcoming trip to the Valentine Museum when he returned . It would be Jorge’s first Monday back and the idea of having your papa go on a field trip after being gone for so long made this the forefront of many conversations. “Mom, you know what you have to do if you want your papa to go, you have to be first.”

We were toast. Being first, early, on-time, it does not exists in our world. I was wishing I could just make a direct plea to the teacher explaining why this is so big in Josiah’s mind and heart. Pick me, pick us… but I remembered that even though the disappointments of life completely suck, they are sometimes masked as opportunities so I figured Josiah could navigate his way through.

He hopped out of the car and ran to the cafeteria, I totally forgot about the whole “first” conversation. I just hoped he had enough time to eat.

The car pool line for pick-up was slow that afternoon. Josiah climbed in the back and I asked him all the usual questions…

me: “How was school today, anything good happen?”

J: “Mom, you are not gonna believe this, I ran so fast to the cafeteria but the food was all gone.”

me: “Oh, that’s terrible! I’m SO sorry Josiah, were you so hungry?”

J: ” Yeah, but it’s okay mom, cause I was FIRST, I was FIRST! Papa is going on the field trip!”

It was if we had won the mega triple jackpot. Sometimes it’s okay, even if you miss out on the donuts, especially if you are with the ones you love…

2 Responses to “the old luggage tag and small acts of love…”

  1. kelly Says:

    oh my god, i just…….i think i’m going to cry. oh, here they are: for real tears. oh, i just want to squeeeeze every last one-a-ya! your family is just so pure in its unabashed love and adoration for one another. you know, when i was pregnant–no wait, BEFORE–with caleb, his little spirit used to come perch in my heart and have conversations with me. he told me all about how he was going to come and stay and be our little boy–and sometimes the doubting, analytical, science-y part of me would frown at these conversations and i would think, “wow, i really need to see a shrink.” and yes, i probably DID need to see a shrink, but that wasn’t why. so one day in one of these pre-conception conversations, caleb said to me, “oh mommy, i can’t WAIT for daddy to be my daddy. i’ve been waiting sooooo long to be his boy. and mommy, i’m going to love you, too, but……daddy is gonna be my favorite. you understand, right?” Me: “of course, buddy. of course.”

  2. Amy Says:


    The memories of the green house stay with me as well…there is much I miss about those days. I am always thinking about you!

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