but how did…

July 24, 2008

These conversations never come at a planned time, and never when you have a moment to collect your thoughts. It’s probably exactly how life should go, it’s a kid’s evolutionary inner truth-o-meter that ensures they get the whole story. It’s almost as powerful as their innate ability to somehow bug you when you are on the phone even if they are in another room entirely.

I now file it under the “kid’s superpower” category, it must be embraced and even honored.

Here’s how it went down:

Scene: 3 kids in the backseat on the way to the outdoor summer movie.

Jack: Mom, when is our baby coming?

Me: I’m not sure exactly but I think at the end of September or October sometime…kinda after the time you start kindergarten.

Jack: How does the baby get in there?

Me: Well, the mom and the dad make the baby together. inner thought- (oh crap, I just invited the next question, dammit!)

Jack: but how do the mom and dad make the baby?

Me: The dad gives his sperm to the mom who has the egg and then the baby starts to grow. You know, like how my belly is growing, our baby is growing inside? (this is where the conversation ended last time.)

Jack: but how does the dad give the mom the sperm?

Me: (awww man, we are at the point of no return) Well, you know how boys have pen*ses and girls have vag*nas right?

Lucy: raises her hand and yells loudly- I have a bagina!!!

Jack: yeah…?

Me: Well, you know how a pen*s is kinda long? (I can’t believe I am doing this. Where the hell is Jorge in these moments?) and you know how the vag*na is like a hole right?

Jack: yeah!

Me: Well the boy puts his pen*s into the girl’s vag*na and then the sperm comes out of there…and then it goes up to the girl’s egg and sometimes a baby grows.

I swear this conversation was as casual as chit-chat about what color the sky is or where we should go for dinner.

Jack: Oh, so did you and papa do that?

Me: uh-huh (thinking this is surely enough information for one day)

Jack: So do you do that just when you want to make a baby, is that the only time you do that?

Me: (OMG!!!) Actually no buddy, it’s feels really good and it’s a special (i knew the word “special” would somehow find it’s way into the conversation) way to be really close to somebody you love and care about. BUT your body has to be ready for that, you know? you have to be a big boy like papa for it to work.

So now the entire back seat (ages 8, 5, 2) has had s*x explained in detail without ever using the word or your mother sitting you down to read you a “book”. I hope this is a good thing…all I need is for my kids to be educating the neighborhood now.

Jack: I’m think I’m ready for a baby.

Me: panicking- I don’t know buddy, I think you have to be bigger first for it to work.

Jack: NO mom, for our baby to come.

Me: Oh yeah, gotcha buddy. (oh sweet Jesus, thank you!)

I text Jorge- I just had to explain sex in detail to ALL our kids.

Jorge’s return- that’s awesome! can’t wait to hear about it…

Me- Where ARE you in these moments?

Jorge- lol

Jorge tucked Jack into bed that night…”Hey buddy, I heard you were asking mom some questions about babies and stuff today.” Jack smiles shyly “I want you to know something Jackie, you can ask me anything and I’ll always tell you the truth, okay?”

Jack nods and goes to bed.

truth telling over for the day….what will tomorrow bring?

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16 Responses to “but how did…”

  1. Sarah Says:

    HAHAHA I just wrote about the same thing on my blog! Someone told R that mommies and daddies make babies by banging their feet together. I should give her to you so you can give her the straight scoop!
    Sounds like you did a fabulous job!

  2. Flory Says:

    Hi Patience! I was just browsing around and looked at your blog to see how you and your family were doing…and didn’t realize you started a new blog…and that you’re having a 4th baby! Congratulations!
    This post had me cracking up. I can’t believe Josiah is 8!
    Anyway, glad to see you and your growing family are doing well!:)

  3. Ann Says:

    Wow! That was amazing! My conversation with the girls was very similar (in a car and the questions just kept coming — “but how can you decide to get pregnant or not?” started it off), I followed it up with a book for Nora since she’s the scientific sort. I felt like I was talking a bit too casually (I was very flustered) — you did so well!

  4. kristen Says:

    You Rock! Way to go mama!

  5. Pam Connolly Says:

    Patience…
    I am so happy you write this blog…I am lol reading it because I can just see Jack in the backseat saying this.
    What did Josiah say? I miss you at the Y, we’d love to see you. Love ya, P

  6. Amy Says:

    oh please, please let me be so brave and nonchalant when our time comes!!

  7. Amy Says:

    You did a great job! The beauty of being a teacher is when I get asked those questions I have the luxury of saying…”go ask your mother!” πŸ™‚

  8. Mary Ellen Says:

    Whew! I’m just glad that I’ll know what to say now too. πŸ™‚

  9. Kristin Says:

    I’ve got a big smile on my face reading this post. My kids have seen TONS of birth photos & have cheered during birth videos when the baby arrives. But, we’ve only gotten as far as the Daddy has the sperm & the Mommy has the egg & they get together to make the baby. Maybe we could elicit your services for teaching the rest of the story. πŸ™‚

  10. YMGH Says:

    Pache..that was great!!…I love Jackie Boy!

  11. Maureen Says:

    Hi Patience–
    I’ve been reading your blog for the past few weeks and really enjoy it. I have two 8 year olds who haven’t yet asked about sex, but I think you may have inspired me to be a bit proactive in having “the” discussion with them. Thanks!

  12. Melissa Says:

    Oh, Lord have mercy. I have tears streaming down my face, I’m laughing so hard! I can only imagine how you must’ve been sweating that one. Thanks for the chuckle!

  13. kimmy Says:

    Well done Patience! Way better than the copy of “Where Did I Come From?” that my mother gave me and I, in turn, shared with all the kids in the neighborhood.

    The sp*rm carried top hats and flowers…that’s all I remember:)

  14. Abbie Says:

    Oh, Jackie-boy…who WERE you in your former lives????? Wow, Patience…can I send my overly-interested girls to your house for some sex-ed 101?! love you so much!
    abbie

  15. amy Says:

    SO REFRESHING to read an honest conversation about where babies come from…kids need/appreciate that straight talk. Good work!

    xo

  16. Emily Says:

    Oh my goodness, I LOVE parents like you. I can’t stand trying to deal with the craziness that comes into my classroom sometimes- honesty is SO always the best policy with your kids. Why don’t all parents understand that? The banging your feet thing together that someone else commented about, seriously? Oh my lord. Sounds like a great start to frank conversations for years to come with your children. -e


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