the half open heart…

October 26, 2010

my view from the couch

Thank God for Ben Folds…how does he always know what to say? He has a song for every shadow thought I’ve ever had. All day I’ve been listening to this song . I let myself kind of feel everything dark for just a little while…while slowly soaking in the thought that I’ve stood on both ends of the song.

It seems that whenever my own crap creeps to the surface, my instinct is to very quickly shut the doors of my heart. Throw down that lock to wait out the dark, because to feel it, to see it, to really look at it is so damn hard…so awkward, so un-doing, so humbling, so human. I try to avoid humanity apparently, which only ends up exposing just how human I really am. So the work before me recently has been to open the door, to push it open, to stand in the door way and be kind of undone.

I am exhausted, but half the door is open and that is good enough for now. I must do it…I must because…

I refuse to believe that people can’t change.

I refuse to believe we can’t forgive each other.

I refuse to believe that conflict can’t lead to very genuine and sometimes vulnerable honesty that produces compassion and understanding.

I refuse to believe we are meant to stay in this place.

I refuse to believe that there is no kindness magic.

I refuse to believe that love can not cover every hurting place in our hearts, even that which is deep and unseen.

I refuse to believe kindness can not change everything…

and so this door, even half open, will show me everything I need to know. and more…

what do you refuse to believe?

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6 Responses to “the half open heart…”

  1. jeroldssis Says:

    I’ll slip inside the open half of the open half of the door and stand right there beside you. I got your back, girlfriend. 😉

  2. Lance Says:

    You shine goodness…that’s what I witness every time I’m here.

    I refuse to believe that is not a deeply meaningful characteristic.

    I refuse to believe that does not touch souls…

    Peace,
    Lance

  3. Amber Says:

    I refuse to believe that I am not good enough. Or that you are not good enough.

    I refuse to stop believing impossible things.

    I refuse to believe that brussel sprouts were meant to be eaten.

  4. tisha Says:

    Love…love…love 🙂

  5. Yvonne Says:

    I agree with Lance. You are such refreshing goodness and light. I love visiting this website and am always touched by your words, thoughts, actions and photos. Thank you for spreading that which we all need. Kindness.

    Yvonne

  6. alisha Says:

    I refuse to believe that doing the right thing is not always the best choice.

    I refuse to believe that growth does not follow difficult days.

    I refuse to believe that we are meant for small things.

    thankyouthankyouthankyou for this post. I insist on believing that when we share raw and honest parts of our heart, we heal others as we heal ourselves.


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