we are connected…
December 16, 2011
“I thought when you girls grew up you would just have happily ever after sort of lives…” my mom said on the phone one day. “I didn’t think you would have struggles, I just never thought about it I guess. Nobody tells you that…” she went on…
And then it occurred to me, I felt the same way. I never imagine my children will grow up to face hard things. It sounds almost silly to say it out loud because of course they will…but somewhere, somehow, maybe I thought I was carrying it so they wouldn’t have to. That if I tried so hard…to figure it out, to lay a path of love that they could just walk it with no harm to any part of their minds and hearts.
The ridiculous thoughts of mothers…even mothers that know there is great beauty and love in hardship, that finding our way through pain helps us really see the world and know we are alive, that kindness can find us anywhere, that each step, even the screwed up ones take us to a new place of understanding, that our joys are as great as our sorrows, that this is the human condition, that this is where we find and hold the light.
Then a few days later while putting up Christmas lights, Christmas magic descended on this mother…Lucy gave me a new perspective, something else to hold on to.
She will often randomly wish me a “Merry Christmas MOM!”, while brushing her teeth, or eating an apple or right before she shuts the car door to go to school…I wonder why we all don’t do this, like everyday of December is Christmas.
While we were stringing lights, just she and I in the dark one night, her Merry Christmas struck again.
“Merry Christmas Mom! The lights, the tree, the snow, the hot chocolate, the sledding, the love…Merry Christmas for ALL of it mom!” she proclaimed.
“Oh Luce…what a girl you are.” I replied.
“We are so connected mom.” she said very matter-of-factly while she fed me the strand of lights and I wrapped the tree.
I thought she meant the lights, my literal-teacher mind kicked in, but I threw in the deep, you know, just because that’s where I live in my head.
“We are, aren’t we? In so many ways.” I answered.
“We ARE mom, we are so connected, even in trouble, even when I have trouble! We are connected right?” she said.
“It’s true. Especially then.” I said.
And it was clear, there is no protection from life, even she knows that…but there is a love that can buoy us…and there is a shout of a Merry Christmas in the most mundane moments…
there is a place…
there is a way…
that we are all connected.
Kindnessgirl 
December 16, 2011 at 10:19 am
OH Patience! What a wonderful post! Made me cry! Thank you! I needed that this morning! Merry Christmas! We ARE all connected!!
December 19, 2011 at 6:13 am
thanks Jeri…I think I really needed it too. 🙂
December 16, 2011 at 10:43 am
i am so protective of my 18 month old son – i get weepy when i think of people being unkind to him in the future and i get fiercely protective of him. it’s hard to know that i can’t protect him from the hurts from the world. but i CAN let him know that we are connected and always will be ESPECIALLY in those tough moments. *sigh* being a mom is hard, but i find so much comfort in your words. merry christmas!!!
December 19, 2011 at 6:14 am
being a mom is hard, isn’t it? …i understand my mom so much more, and have a new respect for all she held. thanks lisa!!
December 16, 2011 at 11:13 am
Beautiful, indeed. Thanks so much for your constant reminders of beauty and love all around us. We ARE all connected and so blessed for it. Your daughter sounds like quite the love bunches – tell her I said to never change that about herself. 🙂 Wishing you all a most blessed Christmas surrounded by peace and joy in the new year and always…
December 19, 2011 at 6:15 am
oh she is…i told Jorge i think she is winning the christmas magic award over here these days. hope your christmas is sweet too Paula!
December 16, 2011 at 1:03 pm
I’m so grateful for you and your beautiful words. You say the things I don’t know I need to hear.
December 19, 2011 at 6:19 am
oh thank you L for the kind words…i never know what i need until it all sort of falls around me, if that makes any sense at all! hope you have a wonderful christmas with those sweet kids of yours!!
December 16, 2011 at 1:25 pm
I’m trying to hold back tears as I sit at my computer in the middle of our busy office. I’m with Lydia–thank you for saying what I need to hear at just the right time. Merry Christmas for all of it and all of you!
December 19, 2011 at 6:17 am
xoxo Sally!! hope kindness finds you in a special way this holiday, may it be returned to you for all the times you have offered it! (i know it meant a lot to me! :))
December 17, 2011 at 9:22 am
oh dear friend, your way with words, her way with words, I am so blessed to have you in my life. I love you.
December 19, 2011 at 8:35 am
so much love to you my mother superior! don’t know what i would ever do without you…
December 18, 2011 at 7:38 pm
So so lovely. Your images here, your words. What an eye you have, patience. wow. you inspire me. and as a psychotherapist, your daughter’s words “we are so connected” – that is my ultimate hope for my kiddos and me…. and that they are connected to their hearts and others through acts of compassion. thank you for this post. you are alovely mom!
December 19, 2011 at 6:21 am
as are you my friend! Loved those kindness candles! 🙂 so appreciate the honesty and insight on your blog!
December 19, 2011 at 9:41 pm
I read this a few days ago…and I’ve thought of it non-stop since. We ARE so connected. Thank you.
December 30, 2011 at 3:27 pm
I love that expression of being connected. My 7 year old niece, Serrilah, has an old soul and is one of my best friends and she knows me and speaks to me words that I need to hear and it is amazing to have that connection, in good and bad times. 🙂