4 things you can do as we grieve together…

December 16, 2012

sandy hook love

…it’s one of those times I don’t know what to do. I just keep looking at my own seven year old with her deep brown eyes and soulful heart… and wondering how I am going to send her off to school tomorrow. I know logically she will be fine but I can’t shake the feeling of a safety gone or being undone at the core.

…and there are no words.

…and we draw closer and hold tighter to those we love.

…and we wonder and wish there was something we could do. anything. ..because the sadness is so deep and the whole world is grieving.

stella art

In the end, we just have each other, our love, our sadness and kindness. Lots of you in the Kindnessgirl community have reached out and wanted to come together in some way. I wasn’t sure I had it in me to plan anything, nothing feels like enough, and I just wanted to hold my kids on the couch and watch movies, read books. Then I realized I could lean into you all and your ideas…that our love could be simple and quiet… that even in our grief, we are in this together.

So here are a few ideas from our community, you will know the one meant for you:

1. If you are looking for something to do with kids and other family members for the Sandy Hook Elementary School Community, please send notes of love to
Sandy Hook Elementary School
12 Dickenson Drive
Sandy Hook, CT 06482

If you are wondering how to talk to your kids about the tragedy, my dear friend Ann Reavey (a school guidance counselor) has a wonderful post full of resources here.

This is also a great article for helping the victims and info on what organizations are doing what.

I made 2 cover photos for Facebook inviting folks to share in sending their notes of love to the Sandy Hook community that you are welcome to use and pass on. They are here and here.

2. On Monday night, light a candle or leave a candle with a blue or colored bulb in your front window  in love for all those lost and the people that loved them so deeply. This can be a sign of our solidarity and support. You can send a picture of your candle or your family with a light to our Guerrilla Goodness Facebook page.

3. Do one act of kindness for a child today in honor of those little boys and girls lost, and the teachers that protected and loved them…you can share your act or ideas in the comments.

3. Just wondering how everyone is feeling today….sometimes just sharing our stories draws us closer together and makes us feel less alone.  Please feel free to use this as your community space to grieve and share whatever your heart is holding. The comment section is your seat at the circle today.

sandy hook love2

May kindness and love lead us now…may we hold tight to each other.

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11 Responses to “4 things you can do as we grieve together…”

  1. anne Says:

    Thank you for this. As a mother of a 6-year old and a public school teacher, I don’t even know where I am in my thoughts: grieving for those parents, hugging my babies even closer, wondering what questions I’ll hear on Monday.

  2. cj snyder Says:

    My great grandson, whom I guardian, who is only just 4 and goes to headstart has been, primarily, shielded from the newscasts. I reviewed his building in my mind ~ it appears secure, but then so did Sandy Hook. Evil can go where evil will go. His classroom, a big open square with no secure places and one door in/out is a nightmare for this sort of breach. The truth is that I am without solution and, while having gotten past throwing up, am still breaking out in spontaneous groans and tears. How much more so those who are actually involved. I can’t, truly, imagine and can barely process… Innocence does indeed die with a whimper!

  3. Jen Bailey Says:

    I’ve been kissing my almost 7 year old’s face over and over. Squeezing him a little more tightly. He thinks it’s funny. For me-it’s like I must reassure myself he’s still there, he’s okay, he’s safe. I’ve been lighting candles and shedding tears since Friday. It feels so futile. My son is like my heart running around on the outside. I cannot imagine what it’s like to have your heart ripped away from you. I’ll keep lighting those candles and shedding those tears and holding those grieving families in healing light and love. I just don’t have the words to even say. Thank you for your gift of words and kindness Patience.


  4. Thank you for your post. Bless all the children and their families.

  5. jules423 Says:

    My card will be in tomorrow’s mail and I will have a blue candle on my windowsill. We have all been shaken by this tragedy. I take much strength from Robbie Parker’s brave and beautiful words spoken yesterday, one day after losing his precious little girl Emilie in this horror. I will never forget what this incredible man said – ever.

  6. Heath Capps Says:

    Shared in all the places I can. God’s work! God’s peace to you!

  7. Leslie Says:

    Thanks so much for your list of suggestions. I shared your photos and insight on my blog as well.

  8. Kristi Says:

    I am a public elementary school librarian. As I pulled into work this morning (Monday) I looked at the outside of our building with different eyes. So many windows. So many points for possible breaches. I saw my principal standing outside the building and was reminded again that I know, without a single doubt, he would offer his own life to protect our kids, just as Sandy Hook’s principal did.

    I greeted children entering the building, hugged our 1st grade teachers, and had to leave the room so I would not cry in front of the students. While it is quietly on the lips of all faculty members, who have sad eyes today, I have yet to hear a student mention it. I expect one will before the day is through, but I believe many parents have attempted to guard the innocence as long as possible.

    I have been engaging in Random Acts of Christmas Kindness since Thanksgiving, and it has lifted my spirits. But today I am weary. Today, I just want to grieve for those beautiful children…for the redheaded little boy who had so much sparkle in his eyes and big, toothless gaps in his happy grin, for the sweet blonde with the shy smile, for the little brunette whose dimples were deep and precious.

    Teaching is hard work. Yes, the summer vacations are nice, but no dedicated educator chooses teaching as a career because of the summer vacations. The preparation and paperwork are never-ending. They follow you home at night and back again in the morning. Parents are not always supportive. Sometimes they’re downright rude. Children have not always been taught to respect others, or to take responsibility for themselves and their actions. Regulations change nearly every year and everything you’ve spent months and months building has to be rebuilt with different guidelines. Yes, despite what anyone tells you, teaching is hard work.

    This week, tell your child’s teacher you appreciate how she pays attention to his need for encouragement. Tell him that you appreciate the patience he shows when your little one is extra-talkative or energetic. Tell her that you trust her with your baby’s life, because you know she will do everything in her power to protect him. Tell him you think he’s a terrific teacher, because he probably is. Christmas gifts of candy or mugs full of hot chocolate mix are wonderful, but a handwritten card genuinely expressing your gratitude would be appreciated even more. Knowing parents support your work as their children’s teacher brings encouragment and strength. In the shadow of this weekend’s deep darkness, take the time to say, “Thank you,” to your child’s teacher. Bring a little light into the darkness.

    • kindnessgirl Says:

      ohhhh, Kristi, thank you for this…thank you for loving children with all of your self. We are so grateful for you.


  9. […] Yesterday, the girls and I sent poems and drawings to the address below. The following image is shared with you by the generous Patience Selgado, a.k.a. Kindness Girl: […]

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