our lives are not our own…
January 19, 2013
One of my dreams is to be an old lady one day that slinks around in the night leaving notes of graffiti love…today I was grateful for a winter walk after being inside just one moment, one hour, one day too long and for these words. The words were left down the corridor of stairs that lead to the river…we are bound to others.
Came home to find out the words are from Cloud Atlas. (i guess now i must see the movie)
The full text from Cloud Atlas is:
“Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb, we are bound to others, past and present. And by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future. ” – Robert Frobisher
snow bliss…
January 18, 2013
Ohhhh, there are just some nights you will always remember… tell us the ones that are still bright and clear from your childhood on Soul Parenting today.
carrying it together…
January 10, 2013
“Remember when I nursed for 11 years and woke up one day and just couldn’t anymore?”
and
“Remember when we co-slept for 12 years and then one morning I decided it was over?”
and
“Remember when you worked that exhausting manual labor job to keep food on the table and never complained once and I took care of everything at home and worked side jobs for the first decade of our marriage (and complained a lot) and then we were completely exhausted for like 2 years?” I asked him.
“Yeah, I totally remember all that.” he said while folding the 13th load of laundry.
“Yeah, I kinda feel like that about everything right now. Now that I finally have a vision and plan for KindnessGirl after all these years, I mostly want to hang out, make new friends (especially artists) and take pictures of all of that and just love on people in RVA. …oh, and I want to not really take care of the house at all…like ever again.”
“I think you should do it.” he said. …and in the next breath, “Hey, did you just drop these on the floor?!” as he picked up a clean pair of jeans that I had indeed chucked when I decided not to wear them due to a food baby I have been growing.
“Haaaaa, I think I am turning into YOU and you are turning into ME!” …and that is sort of wonderful for both of us.
…because there have been so many days of way too early mornings, 13,000 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches made, late arrivals to preschool with disheveled children, heart shaped watermelon cuts, late nights of toddler acrobatic nursing sessions, taking on two more writing and photography gigs than I should, looking to find $2.43 in my checking account with 3 days away from pay day, waiting for witching hours to be over, dragging babies and small children to the grocery store in footy pajamas, wishing he didn’t have to work 80 hour work weeks and phone calls to sisters to talk you off some parenting ledge, and crying because it feels too big, just too much…and telling yourself that it’s all okay, because it is.
…and for every one of those parts of life that are hard, there are 10 more that are dear and good. …and some days you remind yourself you come from generations of privilege and tell yourself to shut-the-hell-up,
and other days you just cling tightly to those to get you through
and then other days you swim in everything good and feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
You still carry it all, because you are the mom. It’s your job, it’s the call before you and because you want to do it…you chose it…you really do love it.
and yet many days I felt alone…in the weight, in the beauty, in the warrior moments of love.
…but we will always do what love asks of us…and now I am seeing more and more, so will the people we love, the very same people that we have loved into the world.
*
It was a hard day all around, I was dealing with a bruised ego from some other life lesson. They seem to never end. I couldn’t quite find the words to say, ” I just feel so shitty about myself today guys, it’ll pass, it always does…”.
Instead I was quiet and sullen. I tried to rally with a trip to rock hop but Lyra had a head first meeting with the iron gate and couldn’t quite recover from a swollen eye and so offended such an object would hurt her. She then stepped in a huge hole in a rock and was muddy waist down, this sent her over the edge.
The whole crew decided they didn’t want what I was planning for dinner and begged for something else. I was too tired to hold court and was secretly relieved to get a trip to the grocery store by myself. It’s totally a new experience to finally have a child old enough to stay at home and have moments in the car filled with silence.
“Mom, can I do anything for you?” Josiah asked. I knew he felt me, even without my words because kids in middle school know the pains of bruised egos and life lessons.
“No…I don’t think so.” … because we are programmed to take care of our children, not our children take care of us. …and this is how it should be. But I pulled the ever the strong, I-can-keep-it-together and everything-is-fine matriarch schtick…which I think is probably a load of crap. …for all of us.
I shopped and returned home to find a bathed Lyra, watching a show quietly on the couch with a calm heart. …and Lucy and Josiah sitting at the kitchen table finishing her homework- he helped her do 2 days worth and write a story. More than I could ever accomplish at one sitting.
…and in that moment, like so many other moments both good and bad in life, I was melted. …because this was more than mother and son and family dynamics, it was about being human. He was helping me because he knew I was struggling, he helped because I wasn’t doing such a good job on my own, he was doing it because we are carrying it together.
He knows this, deep in his heart just because of the beauty of who he is, because of the pain of feeling less than at times, and because of our love, our imperfect and big love.
I feel less alone in some ways as I watch them grow into older, bigger people…and the wave of parental solitude will come again…but even then, I know….we are all human, we all know pain, we all love, we are all carrying it together.
all that matters…
January 8, 2013
If we can find the place…
where our hearts are bigger than our egos
where we step into the joy of being
where we trust the deepest parts of our truest selves
where play is the thing
where all people can love freely and are supported and protected
where everybody’s mama is your mama
where we fall over all our faults and broken parts and keep crawling or rise back up
where we embrace the world for everything she is and is not
where we love big and in messy ways
where we become gentle with our tender hearts and others
where good food and shelter are in everyone’s reach
where we believe in good and the goodness of others
where we hold the space for a change no one around us thinks is possible
where we hold prayers and hope close
where we look with eyes wide open at suffering and can no longer abide it
where we live to create and create to live
where all we can see is all that matters
where we treat each other like blood, like brothers and sisters, even if we get on each others nerves
where we believe we can heal each other
where we hold tight to our shared humanity
…where we stand boldly in kindness
this is where I am going…this is what I want to be part of creating with all of my messed up heart…this is what I want to leave for my children.
…because kindness changes everything.
chihuly magic…
January 5, 2013
I love art…I love art so much I would marry it and have bunches of creative babies with it. It grounds me, I go to it when I feel lost, I look to art to help me figure out the parts I can’t express or discover parts I never knew were there.
I often say, “I think art may just save us all in the end.”
I believe it will rescue my city…you can feel a shift even now.
This is why I am so blissed out to have access to so many beautiful works of soul and truth so close to me at The Virginia Museum of Fine Arts. There are even moments I feel like I am at a mini-MoMA .
I want my kids to know the power of creating, to connect with the artist that lives inside all of us- even the math loving, linear types- art is everywhere, in everything. I want varied art, lots of public and street art to be part of their every day lives. I want museums to feel like home.
So off we went. …and of course there is always the obligatory reciting of the “museum don’t touch” rules first.
Chihuly was here…Chihuly is magic and pretty much how small children see the world I bet.
They didn’t even mind waiting in line for tickets.
It also helped there was a very rad app to play with too. The kids were out of their minds.
Some time to kill means a minute to feed children already way past their lunch time… but these are the sacrifices you are willing to make for art- food can wait but it’s kinda nice when you don’t have to…and there is yummy food to eat and something pretty to look through. AND you discover there will be a My Neighbor Totoro showing at this magical place too!
…and then the Chihuly magic mixed with the art magic mixed with the family magic…it’s a beautiful thing.
They wandered around in awe of beauty and color…I don’t even think they spoke for a bit.
…and then they did. They had questions of wonder and calculation…how does he DO that?
…and then it’s over and you suddenly wish you weren’t walking to the car.
…and you are delighted to hear one kid proclaim that she is going to have a show at the museum some day…which is pretty much the loveliest thing this art lover has ever heard. …and even if she doesn’t, it so nice to know art can light her way.
Find out more about the family programs at VMFA here and don’t miss Chihuly, it’s magnificent!
*just so you know, no one paid me anything, or gave me any free tickets to the museum for this post- just an art girl at heart sharing the loveliest of days.
all we held, together…
January 1, 2013
My laptop is full…literally, full of so many moments and kindness missions. Here are a few that we held as a kindness community this year:
January:
It was a wonderful way to start the year, to be connected to each other and offer some respect and gratitude.
the great day of garbage gratitude– thanks Joe, Lionel and BJ!
I started a new gig blogging for The Huffington Post– which has been so weird for me, still never sure what to write about over there and have lots of writer anxiety about that gig…hoping I can get in the flow in 2013.
February:
My dear friend Jen and I started the I Trust Women project…learned so much through that whole experience…about myself and voice in the world. I lost quite a bit of followers from sharing my views and heart, it was hard to know that some would disagree with my decision but also really important for my development as a person and a woman.
March:
A couple of really lovely people in my life joined me in an offer to write encouraging notes to anyone that might need it. True story: I am STILL returning the requests…so please don’t worry if you haven’t heard from me, they are still coming. I just hope it is at the right time, even so late.
April:
I became friends the wise and soulful Suzanne Vinson and together we released Kindness Changes Everything stickers…it was so, so wonderful to watch the truth of everything we believe in with all our hearts on KindnessGirl pop up all over the world. It was humbling and so exciting!
May:
I got brave and together we hid 200 magic wands all over the city for The Magic Wand Project and The Magic Wand Project for Kids .
It was the first time I tried one of those crazy ideas I was always hesitant to try. I showed me that our city and people are so ready and open for whatever kindness our heart is calling us to. We can trust ourselves and the path of kindness.
a side note: a few initial negative comments made this article about the project by StyleWeekly go bananas… I was even grateful for those, it (and kindness of course) helped it move in a way I would have never expected. We are guessing there are about 2K wands out in the world.
Suzanne and I also learned about being Brave and Kind when we released this sweet piece of S’s beautiful art.
June:
June brought the I Am Kind campaign after Karen Klein was verbally assaulted on a school bus. So many rallied around this woman who endured something so awful. It exposed all the goodness in the world when people poured a million dollars in care for her and gave us an opportunity to show our commitment as fellow human beings to stand in kindness in a new way in our communities.
We also partnered with our dear friends from American Bear and created Kindness Captured. A nasty storm made for lots of downed trees and foiled our plans here in RVA but I hope to still get a chance to do this project in 2013.
July:
I felt so humbled and really grateful to Bill Lohmann from the Richmond Times Dispatch for an article he wrote about Kindnessgirl and my life of trying to do kindness work. I loved it because he really heard me and the article was so honest, he really shared my heart and hopes for this work mixed with my flaws and broken parts.
We also jumped into color and had a Kindnessgirl Team at Color Me Rad 5K…and a mini-kindness mission after. There was even a ukulele song invitation for the occasion.
I decided to write a book and received so much love and support from you all. After that I promptly fell apart, I was so down…and I am still not quite sure if it was the book or what…but I felt very overwhelmed and had a really hard time seeing/knowing the truth about myself and my life, and this work.
August:
It was quiet, and I spent most of the month trying to get my head on straight again and getting my kids back to school. The sweetest part of this time was that Jorge took care of me. He was my mini-depression doula. He knew just what to do to guide me through…he knew that place himself and I felt safe in his knowledge and care. It was good to receive, and to just be needy…and to know just a little about how he felt and all he went through. This was also the month that we celebrated being married for 14 years and 20 together. 20!!! so crazy…
September:
Gratitude called me back to my work and to my place in the world. When you can start sinking deep into that place, it feels like everything else sort of follows. I made a gratitude wall with my girls inspired by Kliewer family’s wall of goodness.
…and there were lots of births this month which brings you back to the beginning and everything important. It was also the month when healing found my family in a most profound way.
October:
Ohhhhh, it was reDONKulous….4 speaking gigs, 3 projects and couple writing deadlines all in the span of 10 days. It was the culmination of a very hectic year. I took on way more than I should have and finally learned some huge lessons.
I also launched (with some friends from Shop Class RVA) Tag, You’re It RVA!, a city wide game of tag.
November:
It was all about Soul…in November I started Soul Parenting – a Facebook page for folks to share stories and pictures about the messy love that each family holds. …because I believe we were never meant to do it alone.
December:
I vowed, determined, prayed that all the work was done for the year. Rest was so needed, I think I cried at the drop of a hat at that point…but the universe had a different plan. The first week of December I had 4 different calls and meetings about the development of KindnessGirl and where we are heading. It was brutal because I was asked to look at things I had been avoiding and at a complete loss of what to do.
One really pivotal meeting with Tiffany Jana, Matthew Freeman and Carra Rose from TMI Consulting started the avalanche of clarity. They approached me to help with a project and ended up helping me with something completely different. They were wise and kind. The truth of where I was at was laid out in such a way that I could finally hear it and SEE it…and myself.
An amazing plan and incredible clarity unfolded at lightning speed after all that, and I think I have a really good plan/hope/dream for inviting kindness into our lives in a new and broader way…and to start clearly communicating and standing in all that this thing holds and is about.
I was feeling so content and happy to have a plan and direction…and was thinking the work for the year was really, truly over when the Sandy Hook tragedy happened. *big, big heavy sigh* It was almost impossible to do anything, the grief and sadness were so big and so many were holding it so deeply. We shut ourselves off from the media world for our kids but I knew we were going to have to tell our kids at some point.
And the last project of the year was inspired from that talk, In honor of Emilie…and I learned once again that kindness rises in the darkest moments, that we as a people met the darkest dark with the brightest light…and that the only way to restore any hope and truly honor those lost is to be kind. It was so painful and sad. Still sending so much love to those families…may kindness hold them as they hold grief so tightly. May we continue to honor those they love with our kind acts.
When I started to write this post I honestly had no idea all that was done this year. I rarely even think of the projects and the creating, crafting and promoting once they are done. Everything rises from everyday life and then we move on to the next thing. It’s good to look at it all together, and see all the paths we walked together.
I feel a deep gratitude to you all. Thank you for being part of this with me, for giving and loving, for seeking and finding kindness…together. Your kindness to me means more than you know…
much love for 2013… it will be bold and require bravery my friends. I am excited and a little scared but very,very sure that kindness changes everything.
Kindnessgirl 