Kindnessgirl

Josiah went to the opera, before that it was the symphony, he hardly ever has that much homework and his birthday just brought him video game nirvana, a DS 3D. We wandered the park after dropping him off at the opera fieldtrip with his class…

Jack: (said with a quivering lip) Mom, when you were a girl, did you ever struggle with feeling jealous of your sisters? I don’t want to feel it, but I do.
Me: Oh Jackie-boy, I am a middle child, you have NO idea my friend!

I pulled him a little closer, he began to weep. Oh, the stories I could tell this child but mostly I am so amazed by his self awareness, it took me so much longer to even see that I was jealous in the first place. I think it was just two years ago actually, my dear boy is so far ahead of me.

Me: You know what I am wondering about right now? I think how you are feeling is really good.
Jack: Good?
Me: Yeah, maybe that little feeling of jealousy in your heart is really just a sign, a little clue that you are ready for your own adventure. Sometimes you don’t even realize that you need or want something until you see it happening to someone else. I think this is your chance to have an experience that is just yours. It feels bad now but I bet when you are doing the thing in your heart, you won’t feel so bad about Josiah. I know you love him. It’s really important that we figure this out, I know you have been talking about guitar for like forever, we should totally go this week and make some plans for your next best thing.
Jack: Thanks mom…
Me: It’s okay Jack, to feel this way…It’s kind of beautiful actually. It means something is about to happen for you, it means you care about yourself, it’s good.

….and he was still a little sad, because that moment is hard, but I think we are supposed to feel it, to know it… let it do it’s magic, even if it takes awhile…without judgement, so we can let hope creep in and grow.

So we went to dinner together and ordered fountain drinks because that is always exciting, almost as good as the opera.
“Mom, should I share this cup with the girls?” he asked. (my poor children)
“No, I think you need you your own tonight.” I said matter of factly.
“Really? Oh thank you, thank you mom!” with eyes beaming.
“It should probably be root beer too…” (the no-soda ban lifted)

…and that is all it took for the night to be big, or big enough…and yet, like Jack, I am still finding my way, everyday trying to follow my own heart, believing in the beautiful path meant just for me.