words on repeat…
October 26, 2012
The words on repeat in my head until I believe them…you see, I told you all I am going to write a book. The funny part is right after I let the words hit the air, everything sort of fell apart. It’s kind of hard to take on one of the biggest dreams of your life when you are exhausted, when you have painted yourself in a corner in every direction, when you still suck at saying “no” to projects and commit way over your head*…when your head is telling you all kinds of untruths about yourself, when parts of you really need some healing.
…but apparently, I am told by my writing doula Chris, that this is often how it goes…it’s the perseverance mountain climb of your entire existence and you just have to keep showing up. So I tried in the beginning but I was just still too into all the projects I said I would do…so I did them and cried a lot, and my husband (and the mother superiors in my life) helped me sort through the untruths and a really low time wondering what the hell I was doing, then a few small miracles happened… and now here I am.
Things are still sort of rocky, and I am still very soul tired…but the beautiful thing is that kindness can find you wherever you are…even the places that feel so unreachable in your heart.
A while back, my friend Kaycee offered her home to me so I could write…I jumped at her offer and completely forgot about it. Before I knew it, I was driving here…alone for 3 days- that is the longest I have ever been by myself in my entire life.
So much kindness and beauty was waiting for me here…so now I show up…for myself for a bit…in the quiet…hoping the words will come.
p.s. i have missed you all…thank you for being my friends.
*i really wanted to do all those projects…i just said yes to too many at one time.
the stories held…
July 22, 2012
My friend Chris once told me writing a book is like having a baby, you are never really ready for it but you just do it…and who knows what lies ahead or if I can even do it…but I am gonna try, I gotta.
(using words like gonna and gotta have to make agents and publishers nervous right about now, but it feels all inspiring and Newsies-like to me)
…and there is no book deal or master plan, but there are stories held and a rumble in my soul that will no longer be quieted with excuses or justifications…or maybe courage is just beating out fear at the moment.
whatever it is, it is requiring me to make space in my life for it, which is a feat in and of itself…because there seems to be no room at this inn, not even an inch. However, I am trusting it will unfold, as I listen, as I clean out each room of my heart, as I stand behind it.
In my first grown up move of very important book writing, I am here today to tell you that I need your help. It seems only fitting that we should do this thing together as we have held and tried to follow kindness so many times before.
the plan and needs (these may change because things always do):
1. I will be posting on KindnessGirl twice a week (maybe more if I have time) and will also be inviting guest posters so the dust bunnies don’t start multiplying in the corner. Please come be friends on Facebook or Twitter, I think it will be easier to update there and then I can see your face too!
2. I am cutting my speaking gigs and projects in half which is going to be super hard for me…light the candles now, giving me the courage to say no and yes to right events/projects. (AND light candles for the right publisher and wise folks to help me along the way)
3. Tell me what you love to read about, what books rearrange your soul, what authors feel like old friends…Anne Lamott and Rachel Naomi Remen do it for me…not that I could ever write like they do but I hope/pray/want my work to reflect something real and true, something we can all hold tight. Please feel free to tell me in the comments, or share your own wisdom for this journey ahead…I can also be reached at patience@kindnessgirl.com
4. I am looking for 2 places on 2 separate weekends this fall that I can retreat to and work. I don’t have a huge budget so if you know of anyone that might be willing to share a quiet space in nature with me I would be so appreciative.
5. I would love to have your blessing- any good thoughts, blessings, strong and kind words, dreams for this book…any love and kind energy you have to share would make it so sweet, and would add a shared intention of hope and goodness infused into the core of this thing…it feels almost imperative to have your joy and voice next to me. I would be so grateful and honored.
Not gonna lie, I am kinda scared I don’t have what it takes to actually follow through…but here we go.
Kindnessgirl 