Kindnessgirl

a guerilla kindness project coming 2.14.08…are ya in?

It was a cold winter morning, I could see my breath as I walked towards the local coffee shop. I pushed open the door to a warm rush and the clanging of the bell that hit the door letting the coffee girl know I had arrived. She was in a grouchy mood this morning, my cheerfulness didn’t help either. I didn’t really care as I was too excited about the chai latte she was handing me.

I sat down intending to write about Charles and the stranger experience of my life that happened only a week earlier in the very same spot but I got distracted. There was a woman sitting in front of me, she was very beautiful, the kind of beauty that causes you to look again and longer the second time.

It was her face that told her story so clearly. Her eyes held a deep sadness that acted like a window to her soul. Her partner sat beside her with a baby in his lap, the baby was equally as lovely but with a newness of hope.

I’m not sure why but I began to pray for her, I haven’t prayed in so long: …bring the light to the surface so she can see it today God, relieve her grief and help her to see the truth that lies before her. Send her hope, send her peace, help her to take it deep into her heart…

It took everything in me to not grab her hand and say, “It’s going to be okay…”. I sat thinking how crazy the whole exchange in my head was. How quickly people come and go, even strangers, and yet we are connecting if only for a minute. There is often no need to even speak. Why is it that in this little coffee shop it happens almost every time?
Some places are sacred and they don’t seem to know it. The couches are like pews where you kneel before a great altar (the altar in this case being the coffee table) to lay your burdens down. The communion is a bagel or brownie dipped in a simple cup of joe. You taste and see that the divine understands our brokenness.

I decided it really isn’t even about the couches, the table or the coffee, there is an invitation that resides in the walls. It is one to release the things inside that ail your soul or offer words of wisdom to another, maybe even a stranger. It’s the magic of holy places, and the truth that in the end, there are no strangers.

I was patient, even though I was tortured. I reminded myself that all blogs are born at exactly the right moment. Remember?

So I’m actually giddy to announce we can now all hear the lady in her head 
The universe  and now the blogosphere will be blessed with her presence. I’m so glad she decided not to hold out on us a second longer.

May this be just the beginning of many writing adventures, may your goodness and truth touch all who cross your path, may you claim the joy that is intended for you, may you feel deeply loved and whole…

please remind me in 10 years about these conversations with Jack:

I made a lovely cheesecake for Jack’s birthday the other day, only it was like 2 weeks late.

Me: I’m so sorry Jackie-boy  it took me so long to make your birthday cake.

Jack: It’s okay mom.

Josiah: Mom, you said you were gonna make it and you did.

Me: Thanks guys…

Jack: We always forgive mom.

Our 5 year old neighbor came in singing “We’re not gonna take it…”. There’s nothin’ like a little Twisted Sister on a Wednesday afternoon.  I started singing as we were making cookies together.

Jack: What is that song about?

Me: I think it’s about some kids that got sick of their parents. They just couldn’t take it anymore. Do you think that could ever happen to us?

Jack: No, we’re a team mom.

Bedtime:

He was weepy before bedtime because he couldn’t find the birthday card my mom and dad sent him. He had it tucked in between the grate and the mattress of the upper bunk. The treasured card replaced an old dream catcher we made together he had hanging in that spot. He said he didn’t need it anymore because the card meant his marmie and opa were close.

This child *sigh*….

I’ve been making a lot of assumptions about kindness lately. Like who should be her friends, who should tell her stories and how she should live her life. I’ve been trying to give her an out in our friendship, deciding there is someone better for her. She will hear none of this, her mother gentleness told her to hang in there quietly with me and I would eventually see the light.

I’ve been noticing new things, things I haven’t seen before about her, about myself. The word revolution has been following her around lately. I like this because it means people are starting to believe in her power. I’m not sure she is your typical revolution though. Maybe she is the quiet kind.

She’s always there, but sometimes you have to look for her, she can hide in unexpected places or be right in front of your nose.  You can take her or give her, she’s available to all and endless. Her acts can be small but have great impact. Sometimes she shouts from the rooftops and other times she is only a faint whisper in your ear. She finds the best places in your soul and shines them brightly. She isn’t flashy or showy, she is simple and pure. She’s happiest when you are just yourself. She lends freedom and hope.  She can not be controlled, she just is.

I’m glad she will never give up on me. I hold her close and yet have never been happier to give her away.

inspired by these cool people…

highs:

1. reveling in a new writing project with a great partner while drinking the best chai latte of my life

2. meeting a complete stranger who listens to your personal crisis of the moment and asks the question, “so what are you going to do, are ya gonna step up or step aside?”

3. snow- even if it doesn’t stick. lucy’s delight is enough…

lows:

1. a dear friend experiencing deep grief in her heart.

2. feeling exhausted from trying to sort out my entire life in a day

3. one late nap which means a late bedtime for a busy little girl

highs and lows anyone else?

Here is a list of things I have learned in the last month of my work:

1. I am NOT the mother of the world. This is a huge relief…

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2. Why is my first thought to send this to the fire vicitms? It’s taken 3 speeches from Jorge that sending FIRE is not a good idea after you’ve had one that has destroyed EVERYTHING. It’s just that the candle is so damn hopeful, I can’t help it.

3. I’ve been doing a lot of drop-it-off-at-the-door and run away kindness work lately. I think it’s because I’m scared to intrude on someone when they are having a hard time. I’m unsure I will be or say the right things. This is crazy, I’ve had some cues lately that people actually want to talk to me. Who knew?

4. I’ve been day dreaming about having a kindness worker’s conference. Any one that knows me would be shocked I’m thinking such thoughts as I am pretty much a hermit about this stuff. I’m starting to think people might even come.

5. Lots of people want to give money to the kindness fund, I get offers pretty regularly now. I don’t know what to do with this exactly. Usually words like non-profit and grants started swirling around and then my throat starts to swell. I immediately start to give short speeches on how I don’t really want to answer to anyone, and how much I hate non-profit politics, and oh-my-god, you have to have a board, blah, blah, blah…

6. I’m starting to learn how to avoid places that invite more work when I need to rest and regroup. The phone still rings and e-mails pop up but I’m getting better at navigating and requiring rest.

7. I might not be as much of a loner as I originally thought. I’ve been working with people, dear people lately. It’s been quite lovely. They have rallied with me and taken my load, or shared our collective kindness opportunities I should say. They are rich with wisdom and have generously given all they have (even hair highlights). I think I ended up the winner, feeling loved and blessed.

I can’t wait for my dear friend Sarah to run the Kindness Talent Agency- she’s such a rock star, she has the skills to grow the circle.

8. One last thing….thank you to the lady in your head (you know who you are), your friendship and wisdom means more than you know.

I spent the weekend traveling by myself, the myself part being important as I can’t remember the last time I walked through an airport without a baby on my hip or carrying 2 more bags than my body wanted.

I always prefer to travel with my family because the morbid side of me always outweighs the logical/sane part. We’ve only flown together as a unit so we can all die together should we happen to go down in a fiery blaze. Thankfully I arrived home safely, no plunging to death for me today.

My trip took me to LA to help my sister debut her fabulous t-shirt line at a Golden Globes Celebrity Swag Party called the Boom Boom Baby Room. LA was not ready for her, she definitely mixed up and made a splash.

The hotel was amazing and sleek. The penthouse and 18^th floor squared off with security men dressed in black suits and little ear pieces. I prepared by getting highlights, push-up bras and rock star clothes. I felt glamorous but the simple girl in me is far from LA.

The vendors were like hungry lions pacing for the prey. The set-up was like peeing on your territory, everyone vying for the best spot and view. There was a mild desperation in the room, but this can only come from weeks of all nighters like the college days, except there is no sleeping till noon.

They are mothers, entrepreneurs and business women hoping to delight someone with their idea, be the hot new swag on the block, get discovered. I mean, Welcome to Hollywood, what’s your dream?

We used the magic our mother taught us on the territorial feel in the room. We started helping the other vendors, offered words of support and encouragement, basically we won the Miss Congeniality award. The best part is the magic works every time and the vibe in the room was completely turned on it side, we became the party room.

The magazines, tv people and stars started trickling in. They carried bags and bags of free stuff, more things than you can even imagine. $11,000 worth.

They look more regular with their kids by their sides or in strollers except this is anything but normal. It’s a weird exchange of giving yourself, sometimes even your kid for well, stuff. The kids look tired and ask to not take any more pictures. The parents look weathered, like the end of the day after Christmas shopping in the craziest mall in town. The parents promise to go home but still have to be so “on”. Some are gracious, some are rude.

The vendors are overly personal and persistent, asking for pictures and endorsements. They constantly measure who is “somebody” and who is a “nobody”. It’s all part of the exchange, both parties signed on.

I watch my sister from the corner of the room.

There are hardly any pictures taken with her, she forgets to ask for business cards, she gets lost in real conversations of parenting, she loads their arms with t-shirts hoping they get the one they like the best. She doesn’t know who anyone is, she has made no judgment as to who is worthy of what. I am so proud. Her heart is like a little light, she is magic.

Even still, I found myself standing barefoot in front the the Pacific ocean and weeping. I guess I was wishing it could be another way. Wishing that kindness could be the currency that each human exchanges…

Everyone is walking around in circles at our house, it’s a small house so we keep bumping into each other. The New Year’s start-of-something-new magic has not yet hit. No one knows exactly where to start.

Except Lucy of course, because she never really stopped. A dear friend told her she was a rock star at the New Year’s Eve party,  she’s been proclaiming it ever since. “RockSTAR!” she says on repeat. Never have truer words been spoken. The kid’s dream schedule is party till 1 am and sleep until 11:00pm. I’m almost embarrassed to say she’s been living her dream all holiday break.

Jack suggested I clean the dishes for his upcoming birthday. The laundry has overtaken the hall. Jorge conducted a big family meeting to brainstorm on how we can work this problem of slothdom out. The kids suggested everyone pick up 3 things and take it to their room. I chimed in it might just work if there were like 100 people in our family. So…we upped the number a bit and made some plans. maybe even resolutions.

Shortly after the meeting, Jorge went to the office to surf, Josiah and Jack went to play legos and I retreated to my bed to read Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Let’s just say the resolutions start tomorrow….