Kindnessgirl

After the third day of moving, being tired of at yelling at kids who are just being kids, it was time to turn this truck o’ grouchiness around. We played a familiar game, 3 wishes, where everyone gets to say 3 wishes for themselves or for someone else. Given our state, I decided everyone should get to say what he/she was hoping for tonight during our bath.

Me:

1. I wish I wasn’t so tired and grouchy. I’m tired of yelling.

2. I wish we could go strawberry picking tomorrow and have a lovely dinner together.

3. I wish I would care about each person during this craziness and not be so uptight.

Jack:

1. I wish our baby was here.

2. I wish we were big brothers already.

3. I wish we were done moving.

Josiah:

1. I wish we didn’t have to go to anymore stores and wait a lot.

2. I wish we were all moved in.

3. I wish the Lego Indiana Jones game was here.

Lucy:

1. I wish I were a puppy dog.

2. I wish I was a kitty.

3. I wish I was a bubble.

I love wishes, they seem to open tiny doors and let everything out in the wide open even if they don’t always come true. We sat in the moment until it was time to wash hair. For some reason, maybe it was a hope to help Jackie who HATES to get his hair washed, but Lucy started feverishly rubbing his head with me.

“Look Jack, it’s like a hair blessing.” I said. Josiah put his hands in the magic mix. Six hands, lots o’ love, and Jack didn’t even mind the soap….
“We love you Jackie, these are blessings on your head.” I said.

“All you need is love Jackie!.” Josiah threw in.

Lucy just kept making the bubbles bigger and bigger.

Each kid got a turn and a tired day ended with wishes and blessings. “Can we do this every night?” Josiah asked. I don’t know, but I do know that I wish I did this more often. Let the yucky feelings hang in the air, giving them their place and then pouring love and hope on top. Who can’t use a wish, a kind touch and a blessing?
hair blessings on you this night…3 wishes anyone?

In an effort to keep this blog from becoming too Mary Poppins (another Julie A. favorite), I offer to you some recent family developments:

1. I was convinced Mother’s Day should be canceled a couple weeks ago. I had a huge revelation about Josiah and how I have been hurting his feelings due to personality differences…Luckily time is his love language and has given me a chance to look for different ways to understand and connect.

2. Jack has about 5 school bags, it’s because he is incapable of remembering or finding ANYTHING. He also completely unaware of dressing himself.  There hasn’t been one day this week that I haven’t had to ask him to turn his shirt inside out, or remind him that the zipper belongs in the FRONT of him on his shorts. He’s 5.

3. Lucy has reached a new level of drama. I heard her tell Jorge the other night in her highest voice, “Mama just doesn’t understand Papa, she doesn’t understand. I need my Josiah, I need my Jackie-boy.” Ummm…if this is what 2 is bringing, what does 13 look like?

4. I had my first official cry in the move-while-you- are-pregnant-to-a-smaller-house-with-no-storage phase that is my life currently. *sigh* this too shall pass…

I’ve been feeling all sorts of angsty lately.  I’m not sure if it is watching my sister carry a life long mission of hope to Rwanda or an old friend turn herself into a fitness model in 12 weeks, but I’ve been trying to figure out why all of this is stirring up so much in me.

I think it’s because something big is brewing, something besides my belly.

Angst is kind of like an old auntie. She can be annoying at moments but she always has good advice.  She shows you there is something new to uncover and experience, even if it takes some work to figure it out.

The trick is to listen and honor your own path for it always brings the greatest joy. So while I watch the loveliness of adventures to Rwanda and washboard abs, I think I found my next mountain.

It’s a marathon, not in size,  an actual marathon. I’ve discovered I really gain lots of energy from challenging and seeing what my body can do. I need a big goal, something I’m not totally sure I can do but want to try.

So, move to 1300sq. ft house with 5 people first, have a baby second, marathon 2009 third. Can you dig it? I’m feeling hopeful and better already.

Where is your old auntie taking you? follow her, she knows the way.

She left this morning. I feel she has been waiting her whole life for this moment but it’s really just the beginning. She is the queen of hope, and now she is taking her light to faraway lands.

Ever since I was a little girl she has held it in her hands, offering to all she meets. This power sometimes felt like a mixed blessing, it needed time to mature and grow. All the longing and angst is over now, the process, these people, everything was ready for her wide open heart. I have a feeling Rwanda holds a gift almost as big as her….may the two share all they have with each other.

traveling mercies and love….

kg

I am always nervous before I go for a sonogram. I find myself watching the discovery health shows the night before. I spend the rest of the evening convincing myself all will be well when they tell me I am in fact having a dwarf baby the next day. The weird part is, I do think I would be okay.

We sat in the waiting room with a wiggly Lucy requesting that we draw various animals on the back of crumbled up papers found in my bag. I laughed at Jorge’s attempts at a cow.

Renee never opens the waiting room door, she just calls my name in a loud bellow from the next room.

“I remember you, I did this pretty one right here right? That was a long time ago and you’re back again.” the big, lovely African- American woman says.

“He just keeps getting me in trouble, what can I say?”, I reply.

“Like you weren’t there?” she says with one eyebrow raised. I laugh.

“Yeah, thanks Renee.” Jorge agrees.

Lucy, Jorge and I file into the dark room. Lucy would prefer to lay on the table with me except I barely fit on the table myself. “Scoot over, there’s room for her.” the older woman persists. I give in because there is no crossing Renee or Lucy for that matter. They understand each other even though the last time they met was when Lucy was only a shadow on the screen above.

We all stare in amazement at how busy this baby is. Jorge’s goofy grin returns, it’s the one reserved for all things baby.

“My, my, look at that.” Renee says.

“Spill it Renee, we’re dyin’ here.” I say.

She makes us wait as she spells our news on the screen. Girl. I instantly feel a camaraderie with Lucy and her sister. We are the girls now, equal in number to the boys. It’s all too cheesily perfect. I never walk in with preferences and I always walk out feeling that things are exactly as they should be. Everyone is especially giddy today.

“Oh wow!” Jorge says. I smile.

“I’m hungry mama.” Lucy says. “Didn’t you bring her some snacks?” Renee asks.

“I know, I know, I was too excited, I forgot.” Renee ignores me in deep effort to get her measurements. This baby girl is not cooperating. She is way too busy to stay still for pictures. The minutes pass and I gently urge her to be kind to Renee.

“Oh, she’s not gonna do it, she has too much goin’ on girl.” Renee insists. My girl stops for a brief second and Renee gets the shot. “I guess she’s listenin’ to you.”

We laugh, tell a few more stories, and gather our things to leave.

“You have a good Mother’s Day now. ” she instructs as we leave.

“Do you have any babies of your own Renee?” I ask.

“No, just these babies here…” she says.

“Well, that’s lots of motherin’, so Happy Mother’s Day to you….”

It’s just that some woman carry the motherin’ for us all. They call us out, they listen and nod, laugh when we are being ridiculous, they remind us of truth within, they remember the place we are in, they bring peace to our chaos, they are constant.

All the mothers in the world, so divinely placed, we honor you. Please feel our love and know we would be a puddle on the ground with out you. Of course, you would tell us we would be just fine.

And we are, just knowing you are there, in dark sonogram rooms, grocery store aisles, next door, a phone call away…

Blessings on your head.

Could he be any dreamier?

I love in the spring and fall when you open all the windows and it feels like the outside is inside. The air flows almost as if there are no walls and your bed is in the middle of a field somewhere. Practically living in the park helps the whole experience. The house is just okay, no real charm, no rich soul in it. I guess it has left it all to the nature that surrounds us. The greedy person in me wishes for both.

As we are preparing to move to a new place in our city (yet again), I am soaking all the loveliness in while wondering what the next space holds. We crave change in our family, we get restless looking for the next place to explore. We are all like this, no one blinks an eye at the idea of packing up and moving on. This disturbs me just a tiny bit wondering if my children have any roots at all.

“Home is wherever we all are, it’s in us, not the place.” Jorge says. This makes perfect sense, for now anyway. The roots are deeper than I realized and growing all the time, leaving the ones of my origin, digging deeper into the soil of this family, unmovable yet willing to travel anywhere together…