i need your love…
May 13, 2012
It was my child that has been the hardest for me lately that has been the most intent on nurturing Mother’s Day this year. There were hours of creating a giant flower card and a trip to the park to pick mulberries and wrap them in leaves decorated with flowers.
It is a sweet moment where the artist’s persistence of creating is for me, the same intense love in which she pours all of herself into is manifested to celebrate my love for her. The exchange was important, for both of us.
She woke me up yesterday, unable to wait to give me her card.
“Oh Luce! I see so much love in this card…thank you! I really need your love.” I said.
“I need your love too mom. ” she replied.
…because there are years when the fullness of your heart tells you all you need to know about your place and role as a mom and then there are other years where you really, really need to know from the people you love that what you do matters, that you are seen, that someone cares and forgives you even if you haven’t been the greatest mom, that it’s okay that you are finding your way, that you rock this shit day in and day out, that the intent of your heart trumps everything. That they know just how deeply you love them.
So years were spent hoping they could see all that and mirror it back to me on this one day…the expectations held were enormous some years and others light as a feather. It wasn’t until I owned my need that there was real space for them to love me. It turned almost comical… “Guys! This has been a terrible mothering year for me, I NEED TO KNOW YOU GUYS LOVE ME! Okay?”
Some children shocked at such honesty, “Mom! That’s not true! You are a GREAT mom!”
While some other 3 year old nodded in the corner, she knew things actually had been pretty rough…but somehow love rises in our authentic need. I said where I wanted to go, or what I wanted and left just a little space for surprise. These were the best Mother’s Days…and some years there was no energy for even that and those are the years when we have to take care of each other.
This is when the circle widens and mothers celebrate mothers. This is when you Ding Dong Ditch flowers to mothers you love my friend. When you text the words you know she needs to hear. When you call her and whisk her away to chalk kind messages of love on other mothers’ sidewalks, or just escape for coffee to listen. This is when you receive what you need by offering it to someone else.
Whatever Mother’s Day you are having, there is space to need love and to receive it. Someone is holding it for you today and tightly, whoever it is, they are. You are loved.
Feel free to leave words of love to other mothers in the comments today…they will be for all of us.