Kindnessgirl

art by Nora, age 6

I’ve been a little kindness manic lately…the amount of projects that have rolled in and out in the last few months has been insane.

This is both good and exhausting…and the questions are starting rise about the future, and the funds have been super tight. I have been chipping away at my soul reserves for too long…and while watching kindness move has been incredible, the workload is probably not sustainable.

I’ve been saying this for years, but I have to sort it out and get the Kindness ADHD under control or redirected or something..so much intense focus on EVERYTHING …everything…and I say, “yes!”, “sure!” and “of course!” because I can see kindness potential in everything….. this is my art, my life, my messy, messy life. …not all of it is very healthy.

Even still, there are some things to figure out in order to move forward in kindness, and that is becoming increasingly clear for the welfare of my family, for myself…and while I have no idea what or how…I know I will not be able to see it until I rest.

So I checked out this weekend to help with a princess party for a kid I absolutely adore- getting lost in balloon beautifying, watching pure girly bliss and deep play, making rice krispie magic wand stars…and imagining the possibility of being queen for a day.

I’ve been holding tight to a vacation coming- but it’s one that you take by the last hair of your chiny-chin-chin. You know that will be tight too and you count pennies down to the wire, but you know you can’t afford NOT to take it.

and the tricky place is in your head…because vacation is still work with little children and there will be hours of riding in a car, there will be the one stressed out argument about laundry or packing, the emotional family dance of being with those you haven’t seen in awhile, or late nights and sun exhaustion and the just taking care of everything and every one, and “WE ARE HAVING FUN, right?!! It’s vacation, damn it!”

…and there will also be kids totally geeked out over Legoland dreams coming true, and sweet moments of grandparent adoration, a kind mom to take care of me, and there will be glorious, glorious food, and an auto vacation reply on my e-mail, and  family togetherness and time alone with my one true thing- my man.

and I will do the work of letting go, reminding myself to not over function,  to  let art live on- just in a more gentle way with no expectations, to let the grouch and chaos be at times and to be lazy- sort of…and I will try to be quiet and listen to myself after some rest…

which is a tall order for this frenetic and full mind and heart…but it’s time.

*I will be in and out of this space as the heart calls  from now until July 22nd…be well friends.