it’s time…

July 1, 2012

art by Nora, age 6

I’ve been a little kindness manic lately…the amount of projects that have rolled in and out in the last few months has been insane.

This is both good and exhausting…and the questions are starting rise about the future, and the funds have been super tight. I have been chipping away at my soul reserves for too long…and while watching kindness move has been incredible, the workload is probably not sustainable.

I’ve been saying this for years, but I have to sort it out and get the Kindness ADHD under control or redirected or much intense focus on EVERYTHING …everything…and I say, “yes!”, “sure!” and “of course!” because I can see kindness potential in everything….. this is my art, my life, my messy, messy life. …not all of it is very healthy.

Even still, there are some things to figure out in order to move forward in kindness, and that is becoming increasingly clear for the welfare of my family, for myself…and while I have no idea what or how…I know I will not be able to see it until I rest.

So I checked out this weekend to help with a princess party for a kid I absolutely adore- getting lost in balloon beautifying, watching pure girly bliss and deep play, making rice krispie magic wand stars…and imagining the possibility of being queen for a day.

I’ve been holding tight to a vacation coming- but it’s one that you take by the last hair of your chiny-chin-chin. You know that will be tight too and you count pennies down to the wire, but you know you can’t afford NOT to take it.

and the tricky place is in your head…because vacation is still work with little children and there will be hours of riding in a car, there will be the one stressed out argument about laundry or packing, the emotional family dance of being with those you haven’t seen in awhile, or late nights and sun exhaustion and the just taking care of everything and every one, and “WE ARE HAVING FUN, right?!! It’s vacation, damn it!”

…and there will also be kids totally geeked out over Legoland dreams coming true, and sweet moments of grandparent adoration, a kind mom to take care of me, and there will be glorious, glorious food, and an auto vacation reply on my e-mail, and  family togetherness and time alone with my one true thing- my man.

and I will do the work of letting go, reminding myself to not over function,  to  let art live on- just in a more gentle way with no expectations, to let the grouch and chaos be at times and to be lazy- sort of…and I will try to be quiet and listen to myself after some rest…

which is a tall order for this frenetic and full mind and heart…but it’s time.

*I will be in and out of this space as the heart calls  from now until July 22nd…be well friends. 

9 Responses to “it’s time…”

  1. Jena Says:

    Yes, to all of this. Go!

  2. donna koch Says:

    Really sounds just like ” normal day in the life of…insert name here” sweetheart…dreams of perfect family vacation/bonding time tied up with the inevitable ” are we there yet and he’s touching me” background noise. Holidays filled with laughter and cookies and letters to santa mingled with ” Are we having damned fun yet and shouldn’t these kids be heading back to school soon”…mix in packing up and moving the household of 4 kids and a plethera of pets every two years (military life) and you got LIFE…the good, the bad and the stuff that dreams and memories are made of…
    Nurture your relationship with your sweet husband because when the kids are grown (and this will come to pass) you can look at each other, know you accomplished Awesomeness with your children and remember and bask in the love of the man who was the start of it all; that roller coaster ride of life and kids and love and frustration and love and admiration and love and craziness…
    We will be joining you for Color me rad…my wonderful husband of 30 years and our 4 “think they are grown” young adults so that we can play and laugh and give back and no doubt hear ” he’s touching me”… And smile…

  3. tam Says:

    Off you go and have fun – everything will be right here when you come back.

  4. Annie Delgado Says:

    Have a great vacation!!!

  5. Tess Hoff Says:

    Peace and love be with you!

  6. barefootlisa Says:

    YES! There’s that balance. That need to be out in the world and then to go back in. And then the over-flowing desire to be back out again…once you are refreshed! What a presence you are in the world, Patience. What heart and goodness and loveliness springs from your heart! Yes, go and retreat. Yes, go and be nurtured. Yes, go and let all the projects that are to be birthed rise up in you as you enjoy some downtime!!!

  7. Cindy Tyra Says:

    Enjoy! Familly, Friends, New Faces, Time away from the computer. We’ll keep a watch out here anyone who needs a smile and some kindness. You and yours be careful and as we say in Indiana… we’ll keep the light on for you!

  8. Jen Bailey Says:

    Just go & be. You have well earned it. We’ll be here when you get back. : )

  9. Bessie Says:

    Refresh. Rejuvenate. Relax. Breathe in and out. Soak it all in. 😉

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