dark all around

“That’s just not the way the world works Pache…” he said.

“I KNOW…I know that, I don’t care! …but I am part of creating a new world. ” I said.

It was heated, he was playing devil’ s advocate.  He was just trying to protect me.

…but there is no protection from this dream.

He can’t protect me from this. It scares me a little… and I am overwhelmed.

In that moment, I felt a little crazy and a bit defeated…and doubtful.

…but not enough to stop me.

because sometimes to just have to believe in something that seems completely impossible to everyone around you,

hold tight to a hope that the world can be a certain way (or already is),

trust that we can love in the deepest dark,

know that we can change or find something in ourselves that was always there but we just didn’t know how to let it out,

stand crazy bold in that one thing can change everything,

because nothing changes until someone believes it can.

…so today I am trail blazin’ in the dark. …and I am keenly aware of all the work ahead… and I know on a new level the costs of a dream and the strength required…the risk of creativity and hope…

…and I feel the weight and complication of the world and yet the simplicity and power of kindness.

in the end, the truth always rises… the call is too loud to ignore.

the light

…and I am holding tight to this book today. Thanks Blullers! 

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what do you want?

February 25, 2011

It was a simple question she asked, one I have been struggling with for quite some time. Well, like forever actually.

What do you want?

and the words flowed out, I didn’t think, I just typed.

I want to fuel and think of innovative kindness ideas, market them beautifully, and inspire people to believe in the power of kindness….I want to always be moving, changing, holding tight to humanity.

(and I want to do all that with the people I love)

“Oh My God, I think I just gave a Miss America answer, but I don’t even really care because it’s the truth!”…I wrote back.

And this week, while in the flow of planning, scheming, creating, crafting the next thing, it’s exactly how I feel. In this flow there is such joy, such happiness and all that really matters is so big I can’t see anything else…I can’t see my own self doubt, my fears, my shame, angst or even my intensity. The kindness is so big, not even I can stand or get in the way. It’s so blissful and how it should always be  I guess.

Even in my emotional ADHD, I am finding new answers, new buds are popping up, just letting the nature of this unfold, letting beauty come…opening myself to let it be. unafraid.

If you couldn’t think, process, mull over and I asked you

What do you want?

….what would you say?