Kindnessgirl

my house would be clean if:

the single working mother …..if i were married and didn’t have to work so much.

the working married mother …..if my husband would actually pick up his clothes and i didn’t have to work.

the stay-at-home mom …..if i didn’t have to haul kid’s to soccer, dance and spanish oh, and i had a part-time maid

the stay-at-home mom with merry maids ….oh my lord, if i only had a live-in, the house would be perfect and i’d work out all the time.

(this is totally a lie btw, because her house is almost always spotless and she works out but it’s something women just say in social situations)

the stay-at-home with the live in… oh my god, i do NOT know what we would do with out Rosa!

then there are all the people in between who are wired for keeping a clean house and orderly life no matter what the circumstances, come hell or high water. i’ve been thinking a lot about this lately, not a clean house but how people live their lives. how i live my own.

do you ever have times when all the really important things line up in front of you like a big billboard reminding you that the things you think matter never make it to the board? all that matters is staring you right back in the face. you realize you have been giving too much of your heart and precious self to parts that sometimes torture and weigh us down.

the kindness girl in me reminds myself of course, that those actions are somehow valuable and brought us to this place of discovering our true loves and for that i am grateful…..

so today, my friends, all that matters is:

halloween cinnamon rolls and little boys that are dying to be ninja’s tonight…(much to my own personal horror, it’s a lesson in tolerance)

sending pictures to a papa far away who ranks halloween in his top 3 holidays due to candy goodwill…

that money can not buy happiness…

my friend and partner is deeply missed…

kind friends, fellow mothers/sisters make the village very alive today…

that peace and kindness are still so needed in our everyday lives and world…

may the halloween happiness visit you today and bring heaps of joy….

it is the holy season of trees. it is the time when nature teaches us how to live. she shows us in the prettiest ways, calling for us to follow her to the path of winter. maybe she knows we wouldn’t come if it was any less spectacular. her leaves gave us shade when we needed it most and now is so beautifully making space for how the new season will serve us best. we must shed all that keeps our grounding from feeling the warmth of the sun, especially during the deep cold of the winter.

i must admit, i feel partial to the leaves, wishing they could stay in the red, orange and yellow hues and never have to go.

I keep a running list in my head of the cool people/parents I want to know at Jack’s preschool. I sometimes admire from afar and wait far too long to introduce myself. It’s a shame really, because my intuition is almost always spot on and I end up wasting perfectly lovely friendship time in the process. Brea Doutt has been hanging out at the top for over a year now. Pretty much anyone with 2 kids with cool names AND a tiny nose ring should be at the top, ya know what I mean? Besides being a fashonista, Brea has a matter-of-fact kind (as in kindness) way about her. It is with this kindness and deep heart that she has found herself on a mission she was not expecting.

Brea’s mom was diagnosed with ALS in March. It’s a destructive, mean disease that moves quickly and destroys everything in it’s path. I’m not sure anyone knows exactly how they will feel and respond when faced with something so big, so hard. Especially when we are mothers and we never really stop needing a mother. Brea did not waste any precious time. She just started moving, holding the space for hope by educating, spilling her newly acquired knowledge to those close and far away.

I listen to her speak, I watch her face.

“I can’t explain it, it’s just my life now.” she says. There is no wavering in her voice, it just is. This mission, this path that was so unexpected and yet Brea embraces it with grace and determination. She speaks from the knowledge of mother love, my mind starts to wonder how proud her mom must feel.

All I can think is how crappy it is for this to be the way you find a new purpose you didn’t discover yourself or imagine you would ever be choosing to look so squarely in the face.

“Can you believe that there are as many people living with ALS as there are MS in the United States?” …..she goes on. We discuss the need for research and what role people’s perceptions about the disease play. It seems there is not nearly enough funding which makes it difficult to drum up hope and the possibility of progress. This is where Brea’s path is laid out so clearly for her. She has to tell her story and listen to others, and then hope the word will spread. She will forever organize walks and dinners, constantly thinking of ways to generate awareness. At the end of the day she will return to her mom, who must have known all along that her girl would take this mission, even the unexpected one, so deep into her heart….

You can read more about ALS and Brea Doutt here

does anyone know how to get out a stain made from an ENTIRE bottle of personal lubricant out of my very worn wood floors? let’s just say i found a very slippery lucy exploring my private stash. i also found condoms mixed with the little people- it’s full body protection.

It’s been awhile since an altar has been holding sacred space on a ledge somewhere in our little house. There were too many conflicting thoughts for the intention to be a presence. I was staring my doubts (or sometimes ignoring them completely) about my faith in the face and found myself feeling bewildered and kind of sad. It isn’t as if they haven’t been there for quite some time but it was the first time I actually considered giving up believing altogether. This would have been to give up on hope for me.

And while I could have never imagined that I would have embraced some of the ideas I have, I am beginning to find comfort in them. This gives way to the return of old rituals with a new twist. The spaces are wider and more open, this particular brand of the divine is full of beauty, grace and mystery.

Around this time, my kids decided it was indeed time for us to return to the parts of spirituality that bring us peace. I had no idea I had stopped all encouragement in the area of their own personal spiritual development. I guess it was on hold in my mind.

“Mom, you nevah play (pray) for us anymore. you gotta do that mom, okay?” jack said the other night before bed.

“Yeah mom, you have to pray about papa leaving on his trip, we need that mom.” josiah’s voice kind of wobbled.

It’s like the time you forgot to pack the snack, or came late to school- the riot act card is kept handy in their back pockets for such events. So I said a prayer, things were added mid-prayer and they went to sleep.

The next day we wandered the surrounding parks collecting nature’s goodness and dug candles out of old cardboard moving boxes . A tiny silk journal that I found at the thrift store holds our blessings and wishes. I’m not sure exactly how but acorn people with their little natural hats were the finishing touch.

We light the candles every few days and every time we end up singing happy birthday at least 4 times, as all candles mean birthday to Lucy.

I love altars, I love how they remind me of the things I care about or sometimes just want to care about. They hold promises, truth and hope all together. They can guard sadness and anger, they keep secrets and wild thoughts. The altar has returned…

p.s. thank you jen for introducing the beauty of altars to me…

synge and some other friends who are joining the recycle christmas challenge had some great ideas…

1. amazon.com and half.com are great for buying used books, movies and cd’s. you just can’t wait until the last minute, shipping can take forever with these transactions.

2. ebay is awesome for big lots of construction toys (i.e. legos, bionicles) and countless other things. it’s great to get buckets full of some kid’s old toys- there are sure to be parts or old lines that even my lego obsessed boys have not seen yet.

3. kid-to-kid (thank you nan!), once upon a child might be a good place to start for toys if the idea of the thrift store skeeves you out completely. the stores are cleaner for sure!

4. homemade loveliness- one year my youngest sister asked 4 of her friends to make a cd with their most favorite music in the whole wide world. her friends happen to be like the coolest people in america- experts on all things hip, indie, fresh and cool. this said sister then gave them as a gift to my oldest sister who is ever on the quest to stay ahead of her own personal cool curve.

5. send e-mail christmas letters (unless the idea of pretty paper in your hand is good for your soul) instead of cards- save paper, postage and standing-in-line post office hell.

6. forget the coupon books, go local- just forget the homemade coupon book for a massage, foot rub, do the dishes- no woman ever actually collects on those anyway. if you want to give an experience, go local. save your pennies and buy gift certificates to your local coffee shop, sub shop or burger joint. if you wanna spend the big bucks, head for your local spa or your favorite massage therapist hippie friend that you met at yoga.

7. etsy– not exactly recycled but good for artists everywhere. promoting the starving artist is also good for the earth and you are sure to find something amazing and unique. here is a great place to start. and when you decide you have to break the recycle christmas oath, you should just run here. you’ll be laughing all the way home.

7. be picky! don’t buy it just because it’s a good deal. think about the present part. is it meaningful? does it fit (soul, not size) the person? are you excited to give it?

one more….jorge reminded me how every year (not on purpose) we wait to get our tree until christmas eve. he says we help a tree (a la phoebe from friends) fulfill it’s christmas destiny. not exactly green buying a tree in the first place but i just haven’t worked my way into fake tree yet. i need the smell and needles all over the floor, maybe even the special rare find of a bird’s nest , the charlie brownier the better, or it’s just not christmas. bonus- they are always pretty cheap by then too.

recycling has never been so fun…

it’s always been there. ever since i can remember there has always been a place in my heart that held kindness apart. the voice was loud and repetitive but i was worried it was too forward, too much.

“you barely know that person, they will be so weirded out if you do that.” “that” being the act of kindness in my head. the acts are different every time but the voice is the same. i’ve learned to quiet the doubt, she’s still there but she keeps being proven wrong so it’s getting harder to believe her.

maybe that’s why the random acts were the easiest, bums and strangers. connecting for just a brief moment and moving on. it takes more courage in invade someone’s privacy during a difficult time, i constantly question my timing and whether i should step into the space at all. i’ve made mistakes, said the wrong thing, or didn’t do enough yet somehow the power of my intuition has required me to claim this path this year. it has been my work to decide that i really am or at the least want to be kindness girl.

my fears are that people will feel like projects, that my kindness is some kind of compulsion, that the acts really are selfish good deeds, or to presume that i know what will be meaningful or helpful to someone, that i will neglect my family, that i won’t receive the returns, that it isn’t enough. even with all my hang-ups and intensity, the light of kindness is still so needed in the world.

the truth is there are parts i don’t really care about at all. i am uncomfortable with thank you’s or credit, i like to leave quickly, that it’s more of a soulful art to me. in the end, i mostly do it for myself. i love the process, i like figuring out what the thing or need is, i love believing in kindness. really believing it can change something, someone, the world.

this belief makes it feel a tiny bit easier to voice that this is my work, even though at times is still feels awkward as hell. it’s even weirder to try to figure out how i can make money to fund it but it’s too big in my head now. i have to claim the superpower, i am kindness girl.

in case you do not know, you should be thinking about christmas right now. christmas is in full swing at costco, it’s practically nipping at our noses people.

this makes me laugh because ever since i was a little girl, i have thought about christmas in august and september but not enough to actually buy or do anything. it’s more of a fantasy of holiday preparation (just the parts i like of course) and then when it actually comes i tell myself i’m too tired and we should keep it simple.

after some mild obsessing over our local thrift stores, i have a brilliant idea. i think we are having a mostly recycled christmas. i say mostly as to not get all into the rules but keep it fun. if there is something new i really want to buy for my loves, i will.

i recently realized my kids do not care if something is new- they are just thrilled with whatever the thing is. this has become so common that i think they are starting to forget things come in packages.
let’s face it- when you can get a very new looking kids trek bike (with the agee’s sticker) for $25 it’s gotta be better than the crappy wal-mart bike i can barely afford right?

or as a kid when you really believe that the green chuck taylor’s you found will make you run faster and jump higher all for $5…this is a good life.

every visit is like a treasure hunt and i love finding a good deal. what i realized is that there are plenty of nice things (even formerly expensive) that have barely been used. i like to think of it as the ultimate handy me down from the rich relatives.
it feels much less icky on the consumerism monster end and somewhat green even though we are still label shopping. the kids were into it so i think we are good.

so let the recycle christmas begin…

ughhh….have you ever had a conversation where you are absolutely sure you said all the wrong things? i had this very kind last night. i so desperately wanted to relieve the person’s pain or find a way out, my power of suggestion was in overdrive. not to mention i barely know the dear soul.

i think this was the time i was supposed to just listen. sometimes you have to let grief or a problem just sit in the air, this is very hard….especially when the person is so dear. if you are reading, so sorry dear friend. i will come to coffee with duct tape over my mouth next time, i swear…..