luna love…
April 6, 2012
Something magical sort of happens when you photograph people you really, really love and know. Your love spills out into the image, even if you are trying hard to be professional or just a fly on the wall. You just can’t help it…this woman, this family, are dear friends and I was so very honored to be at Luna’s birth. Sara and Carlos hold such a sweet energy in the world, I am humbled to know them and be part of their lives.
Thank you dear ones!
Thank you to Sara and Carlos for being willing to share their moment with the world…you can see more from the birth here.
this week…
April 5, 2012
well, last week, but you know…
a tree fell (everyone was okay, except my best friend’s bedroom :(), a new ukulele, a baby born, a birthday full of 12 year old gaming and nerf battles, and lots more notes written (more are coming slowly but surely)…
the church of kindness…
April 4, 2012
Money is short…time even shorter…yet still I found myself wandering my local thrift store because this is what I do when I feel particularly bad about either of those things. There it was, a really, really old church pew. I know it’s old because it’s uncomfortable and so simply made. I wanted it bad. There was no good or logical reason to buy an old church pew, but it’s a good thing I am hardly ever logical I guess.
The Facebook status update went something like this:
i have no $ but bought a really, really old church pew today…and I figure many an old lady or gent said some prayers in those seats…and who needs money when you have the remnants of old lady prayers…
It sort of feels like that today, that you are leaning into something old, or something or one that has walked before you because you know on some level the people before you did too. So the old pew sits, and every morning I sit, for just a minute or two and let it hold all of me.
…and it sits under this window, so now all together, the stained glass window must make it official, colored light and all, I am opening the kindness church. (partially because I can’t seem to sit in a real church these days)
Just like any church, it holds hope and doubt, confusion, anger, truth, strength and a bit of solace. Except in this place, there is also swearing, not lots of sermons (except if someone forgets their jacket and you lose your cool, a kid may school you), lots of messes, a weekly dance party and maybe the occasional atheist, I’m not sure but I love that.
and I am pretty sure the the Dalai Lama was right when he said, “My religion is simple, my religion is Kindness.”
There is no should, or drumming it up, or right way, it is just being. If you don’t feel kind, it’s probably because you need some yourself and if you are scared, there is courage waiting for you, and if there is wonder, there is beauty in trying it out…if there is a place where love and human connection exist, it is in kindness.
So the church is open my friends, come and sit…or find a bus bench, a couch, a subway seat, a sidewalk step, it’s all there too…ready to hold all of you.
this week…
March 25, 2012
well, last week, but you know…
the evolution of ding dong ditchin’…
March 23, 2012
It started with one friend I happened to meet in front of my house one day…over the years he brought some more friends but in the last few weeks every day someone brings someone new. I looked out in my back yard and before I knew it, there were about 20 kids, yep, 20.
And everyday I try to remember their names and we talk about school, and their families and every once in a while kindness. These kids play with my kids, and swing on the tree swing, ask me if they can have another clementine and tell me it’s okay my house is a mess when I apologize…and some days they just come to say hello and other days they stay…they are polite and kind, funny and some times a handful…and I am working my way through meeting their families, still so many to meet….and I love how our unintentional community rec center sort of unfolded together and the light they offer to me and my family.
It wasn’t long before I asked them if they wanted to go Ding Dong Ditchin’. They were totally in and yet still a little cautious. I thought back to the first time we went, and what a dark place I was in (even though you would never know in that old post). I was desperate to know kindness could change things for me, even if my world was falling apart…it was if I knew, somewhere deep, I had kindness… it would hold my hope for me when I was doubting and scared…or maybe it was just so dang fun, I just forgot all about my troubles.
Over the years as things got better, it just represented sheer joy and a thrill…and it turned into our signature act of kindness, which I so love. Even today, I’ll hear my friends talking or say, “Oh yeah, I got ding dong ditched….!!” and it always makes me smile, knowing how far kindness has traveled, and how we turned a prank into verbage of goodness.
…and I love how nervous I get just thinking about it, how my heart pounds, how hard we laugh, how we check to see if they got it…and how the rows of houses, apartments and places goes on and on…there will always be a need for anonymous kindness…
how it checks our perceptions and preconceived ideas about the world and each other, how it invites us to believe kindness is alive and stirs part of us to pass it on. I never, ever would have guessed what would come from one day of desperation and flowers and being with a gaggle of kids…but I am so, so grateful. It feels like I always return to the message my niece Madeleine wrote on the first card we ding dong ditched…Hope is never too far away.
change the world…
March 22, 2012
I found this awhile back along with 1,000 other videos Lucy made of herself on our old flip video…not sure I agree with the grumpy apart, the rest is golden.
all you have to do is be brave and kind…
March 19, 2012
photo by the amazing Meghan McSweeney
I am reading your notes…so many notes. You all are holding so much, but I wonder if we all are…in our own way.
I am amazed by you, and have so much respect. Every night, before I go to bed I think about you all and sometimes wonder what you look like or how your day was, or imagine what we all had for dinner, or hoped your car started, or that the job came through, or that you scraped up enough for rent, or your results from the chemo were good, or that someone called, or that you passed the test, or that you had a kick ass St. Patrick’s day, or that you made up with your dad, or that you didn’t feel so alone tonight.
Then I think about the picture the editors at Huffington Post picked to be the cover photo of the article… it was a picture of some graffiti on a wall, it read- all you have to do is be brave and kind, and love the trees. I searched and searched looking for the author, someone to give credit to for these sweet words because I am holding them so close today.
It’s all we have to do- be brave and kind. And for some reason, that feels like something I can do (even if it isn’t pretty or graceful), even just for today and maybe even tomorrow. It doesn’t say things will be easy or even work out but I am discovering it may be more about how you find you in whatever is thrown your way, good or bad, big or small, no matter what…
Kindness has always come so easily to me….but bravery, well, I often think, “Awww, crap, the universe is going to ask me to be brave?!!”
I resist bravery, because I don’t always believe it is in me…but the truth is, it’s in everyone. It’s in being vulnerable, in realizing the truth (about yourself and others), in handing it over when it weighs too much, in allowing yourself to be loved, in holding something hard so you can see, in standing up tall, in receiving, in forgiving, in stepping in or out, in relentlessly walking the path (even while tripping), in holding love.
…and it’s all so complicated anyway, and yet really, really simple…anyone can be brave, and anyone can be kind.
it’s all we have to do.
we are writing, writing, writing notes…but until then, feel free to share about what is asking you to be kind and brave in the comments today.
this week…
March 18, 2012
well, last week, but you know…
kindness is big and bold…
March 15, 2012
Seeing KINDNESS CHANGES EVERYTHING in bold is making my heart swoon this morning…my latest post for the Huffington Post made the front page of the Good News section and the main front page…and the requests for encouragement are pouring in. If you want to help write, shoot me an e-mail at patience@kindnessgirl…or if you need a note, please do the same. We may put out a call for postage stamps if this thing gets super crazy!
I am so touched that audacious kindness is working…it’s where we are headed friends. Together.
au·da·cious[aw-dey-shuhs]
adjective
1. extremely bold or daring; recklessly brave; fearless: an audacious explorer.
2. extremely original; without restriction to prior ideas; highly inventive: an audacious vision of the city’s bright future.
3. recklessly bold in defiance of convention, propriety, law, or the like; insolent; brazen.
4. lively; unrestrained; uninhibited: an audacious interpretation of her role.
all we have to do is be brave and kind…
“I don’t do this anymore, it just isn’t part of my life…it used to be though.” I said to my dear friend Christa as we sat and watched our kids play on the beach.
“What? sit? or just be?” she replied.
“Both.” I answered.
It was an impromptu trip, an idea you say out of loud to a friend but not really expecting it to happen. You know, the “You know what we should do? we should…” …but this time I just said yes. So we booked a cabin in a Virginia Beach camp ground for a couple nights. I didn’t really have money, time or energy but all of those things are short these days and some times you just have to call it in. Since money was tight, my friend did what any good girlfriend does, she slipped me a $20 and her dear husband Cris went out and hooked us up with a mad amount of groceries…then he sent a lasagna. And with way too many bags (plus some christmas lights)
and even more children, we were on our way.
We arrived and within minutes someone named the cabin, and it turned out to be a very fitting name- The Magic Cabin. I slipped a sign on the door, one invitation of kindness and the magic began. We didn’t really have a lot planned, a little, but not a lot. I was just too tired to do all that making memories stuff, but I am starting to think the best stuff just happens on its own anyway.
It started with a failed and messy Pinterest craft…but no one seemed to care.
and a sweet dinner…with the question answered- “What one thing do you want to do before you grow up?”
then there was nature woodsy stuff…
and vacation surprises and candy…
and beach treasures and kite goodness…
…and there were visits from a kind Granny, and kid conflict, and frolicking, and eating way too many clementines, and chai tea with homemade maple syrup whipped cream, and scary bugs, and laughing so hard your side hurts, and snoring, and exhaustion from packing and unpacking and packing again…and epiphanies about your parenting.
The kind that was so gentle, and unfolded just so, so you could see it on your own, without judgement and surrounded in so much love. I could see just how much my kids need me in an intentional way to hold experiences of kindness for them, and just them at times. For so long I have secretly feared my kids will grow up and feel like they didn’t get enough while I shared and invited kindness for the whole world…and I realized how open they are and how little it takes, and how over the last few years, little by little, I have lost bits and moments of family kindness.
And it was so sweet to just be, to be in the place where it all started, and to be in the only place that matters…and to know you can always call it back and decide to be a new way…and to be a little sad for how you lost your path and yet so hopeful and happy to know what you can do to find it again.
So the last night, we decided to give the kids a blessingway. (a blessingway is a ceremony rooted in Navajo culture and history as a way to “bless the way” of someone walking into a new part of life. Women often give them to pregnant women about to have a baby.) After about the million I have been to over the years, it never occurred to me to have one with my kids.
So we made a fire and gathered a circle with candles and decorated with the left over defunct Pinterest art that Josiah made into a nest. It was perfect. We called the kids in one by one, and whispered by name, “We are glad you are here ______.”
They sat with wide eyes as Christa explained what a blessingway was and the history behind it…and how we wanted to bless them as part of our families together. Over the weekend, the kids had been learning about animal totems and trying to figure out which animal best represented them and their spirit. Some kids knew and others weren’t sure. So we gathered some items from nature to represent the animal we chose for them. We presented the items and told each child the things we saw in them and the blessings they hold.
Josiah was a deer, Roman a buck, Lucy was a bird, Jack was a wolf…and I watched as they soaked it all in. And one we were totally wrong about and have to still figure out. It was almost as if the little guy knew himself, knowing who and what he is so clearly…but we didn’t have the match right. It was a lesson in the value of struggle and finding your way to your kids, to listening and honoring each other in the process. It was the beauty of the kid bs meter, and that it’s worth it to be real and true, whatever that looks like. (and that s’mores can right almost any parent screw up)
It was finally Lyra’s turn and Christa started her blessing. She explained how Lyra was playful and engaging like a dolphin…inviting connection and love. And I watched as Lyra nodded her head in total agreement, while she whispered “yes” as she sat in my lap and listened to Christa’s wise words. Her eyes sparkled, it was as if someone just saw all of her for the first time. I was shocked by her response and how deeply she felt the connection, even at the age of three. It was a true soul experience, for all of us. She hugged and thanked me 3 times after we were done, and asked if we could turn her dolphin shell into a necklace. I don’t think it has left her neck yet.
I walked away once again amazed by how capable kids are, in their minds, in their hearts, in their souls- the magic they are..and how much they hold and have to offer…and amazed how magic comes in so many forms, the magic of not knowing, the magic of struggle, the magic of being discovered and blessed and mostly, the magic of just being.
you can see the rest of the pictures from our adventure here.
hey good lookin’…
March 9, 2012
someday…if it isn’t too late, I want to be in a room with Keveen and Gina from Korakor and Aunt Vi for a sing-a-long…feel the love friends!!
the beauty of now…
March 8, 2012
it snowed…I watched it fall
women and men united found themselves in a moment and held tight together for change on some steps…I learned a different kind of strength
a whole new gaggle of neighborhood kids appeared at my door, bringing along a few more each day…I realized kids need to do a whole lot of nothin’/hanging out and just talking to feel supported and loved
opportunity can paralyze you…the “what do you think is gonna happen?” question is my worst enemy, but following the joy and call of your heart will always move you forward
I got stuck, very stuck…and being stuck gives you time to think about how you got there, so maybe even that is good
I held twin boys…and marveled at the beauty and tender heart of their mama.
I finally started writing notes/messages to strangers, only because I didn’t have anything for you until now…but I do.
my mother superiors (those mothers in my life, both the one of my origin and those gifted to me by the universe) find me every time I think no one knows…they rise
kindness can be so audacious, that’s exactly where I want to be…in the place where it feels impossible, even if it’s scary and unknown, because that is exactly where the greatest magic lies
it all matters…all of it…nothing is wasted…this is the beauty of now.
feel free tell me your beauty of now in the comments…even the gritty parts are good.
this week…
March 5, 2012
well, last week, but you know…
I swear there is nothing snow and puppies can’t fix…
(more from the rally here)
cutting through life…
March 2, 2012
She was not this happy before, I promise you. She was miserable for weeks and there was nothing really to do, except let her grow, let that little tooth do the very hard work of cutting through. All the wondering, is it teeth? Surely it is almost here- fast foward to 2 months later when the pearly white finally pops.
I know this place well myself…I am in it at the moment. It’s the time when you start to think something might be happening, a change coming taking you to a place of experiencing life in a new way. You’ll be actually able to taste and CHEW stuff, bite into something delicious…your world opening up in a million new ways.
Except getting there sucks so bad…remember? For the love of God, who let me invite The Year of Learning into my life? I thought it was going to be taking photography classes and jumping into hard projects or putting myself out there? I had. no. idea. it was going to be learning how to navigate conflict and disappointment, negotiate deals (or rather completely fail in negotiating), standing up and in myself in complicated situations where others may not agree, oh lord, standing in myself, AGAIN…I mean how many ways can one girl learn how to do that?! …and finding through each experience, what I am and what I am not about. Finding kindness again and again, painstakingly again.
…and here is the worst part, I know it isn’t over. I know, way down deep inside that I am not at the place, the day when the tooth actually breaks through…I kept thinking I was, but I know, ughhhh, I know I am not, I am not quite ready to handle all that. It is instead the mysterious in between place, the sometimes miserable, and yet productive. The tooth has always been there…and so I do the work of growing- because this is what we do, because this is life…and because there are 31 more to go.
So my Hyland’s tablet, my frozen bagel or washcloth, my jacked up on tylenol is this today- (thanks Dr. Seuss, you nailed it…and happy birthday, I am so glad you were born)
(p.s. and God bless all the parents holding that teething baby, I know we are hard, I thank you.)
this week…
February 24, 2012
actually from this week…shocking, I know.
the writing on the wall…
February 23, 2012
There are times when I am so wound up in my head, the messages have to be so clear and literally written on a wall or a blackboard for me to really take them into my heart. I tell myself I am not this crazy and that these sweet little messages are meant for other slightly crazy friends that happen to pass by too. It’s nice just knowing they are there, because good words are like friends and always fix me right up.
And so the message taped all around my dining room wall this week reads:
There is a plan unfolding…you can relax and trust it…because you are being held by something so much bigger…the CALL and magic you have given your heart to will not fail you, even if you have no idea what you are doing or what will happen next… the amazing beauty of this precious family and life is in the everyday, THIS moment, right here, right now…soak it all in, be the love.
And one call later revealed the work I thought was due yesterday, isn’t really due for a month…and it felt like a huge pile of grace was dumped on my head. I sat at my table and read my message…this moment, right here, right now. So I closed my laptop and let little girls completely school me on what a girly day should be.
We watched the muppets and I made a flower crown with the left over flowers from 100 days- (where Lucy insisted she take in 100 flowers for the 100th day of school).
Lucy made us a delicious lunch of clementines, granola bars, tortilla chips and bananas.
Complete with puppy dog and valentine rocks and left over flowers.
We gardened in dress-up clothes and cowboy boots…well, some of us did.
And we picked lots and lots of weeds, which may as well be picking them out of your soul too…because everything feels sort of better after your hands have been in dirt…or maybe it’s just being the love.
If you are like me and need a message of encouragement of love or kindness to hang on your wall or write on your blackboard, send me an e-mail at patience@kindnessgirl.com and tell me just a smidge of what is happening in your life (or not and I will pull something out of my arse) and I will send you (via USPS) one hand written message with love on my long register tape and maybe, just maybe it will work its magic like mine did today.
This offer will end on Monday, February 27th, or at 50 messages, whichever comes first. (ETA- we are at 50 friends,but don’t worry if you didn’t make it in, there will be more kindness in the future…i promise…in the mean time though, feel free to leave kind messages in the comments for each other)
Hope you are able to soak it all in, whatever it is and be the love.
thank you…
February 22, 2012
Thank you so much for sharing both your support and concerns about the I Trust Women project. It is not my desire in any way to be a force of division in the world, it is very much the opposite…and quite honestly, I have no intention of Kindnessgirl becoming a platform for politics in the future. It really just isn’t my thing.
I just know I try to follow my heart everyday…and this particular day, it was loud and I’m not really sure why it was so loud, but it was. I thought about it long and hard as I knew it may even hurt some of you and I would risk losing your presence in this beautiful space. This is a scary place for me to be because I care so deeply, about each of you, and your thoughts and feelings. And in some ways, I still have mixed feelings on the subject too. Yet I am grateful to have a space where I can write, be all of myself and follow my heart, wherever that may be.
I hope we can agree to honor our differences and come back together on new projects that call to each of us, because I believe there will be so many more.
much love,
patience
The I Trust Women project will go from now until 2/29.
comments are closed
i trust women…
February 21, 2012
I tossed and turned the last few nights, even during a short get-a-way to the beach this weekend. My heart troubled by all that is going on in my state regarding women’s health and rights. You can read the details of the story here.
I knew kindness was calling me but I wasn’t sure where or how. I called my dear friend Jen to see if there was some way we could honor all women in the midst of all that is happening. I ran an idea by her but it just didn’t stick, so I went to my Facebook page to check-in and found this from another dear friend Valerie:
One thing that really angers me about this whole thing is that it makes me feel like some think I am not smart or thoughtful or trustworthy enough to make the best decisions for me and my family. So angry that I’m sort of paralyzed by it. I’m sure other women feel the same way…but I have no idea what to do about it.
And in that moment Valerie expressed so much, a very basic desire for trust, the kind that we all deserve as human beings, for simply no other reason than that we exist. Jen texted just minutes later and had an idea, and this one stuck.
It is our great hope that we as a community, state and country trust all women to make the right decisions for their lives and families whatever that may be, and we trust women to ask for help if they need it.
We would like to invite you to join us in trusting women as human beings, because it is our right. Here are some ways we can come together for each other, for ourselves and for our future:
1. Like our I TRUST WOMEN Facebook page. Upload a picture of you holding a sign “I trust women.” or “I trust myself” on the Facebook page. These pictures will be printed and sent to the delegates responsible for the Virginia bill #484.
2. Share your stories of trust in the comments. Women you have trusted, or times you needed people to trust you, or moments when you had to really trust yourself.
3. Donate to the TRUST fund (and we instantly all become trust fund babies. :)).
Please donate $4.84 in protest of the Virginia bill #484 to the organizations listed below. Bill #484 requires all women to have an unnecessary medical procedure of a transvaginal ultrasound and view the screen before they have an abortion.
Planned Parenthood (they may require a minimum $5 payment)
National Organization for Women
or another local organization helping women near you.
Tell us in the comments or e-mail patience@kindnessgirl.com to let us know if you donated (we will keep your name and amount anonymous if desired) so we can tally the TRUST fund. We decided to have you donate directly to the organizations to avoid paying the processing fees that would have been required had we collected the funds ourselves. (and because we are tired mothers)
Thank you for being part of this with us…and for standing together for women, for all of us.
xo,
jen & patience
it is love…
February 15, 2012
dude on an electric scooter most excited about cotton candy kindness yesterday, he was awesome
My buddy Nora (age 6) wrote very simply on one of the cotton candy sticks…it is love.
And I think that said it all.
There were drive by cotton candy pick-ups.
People bum rushed by gaggles of small children so excited to pass on the candy love.
There was the most beautiful couple dressed in the most perfect vintage clothes walking away with their pink fluffy candy, like something out of a movie.
There were neighborhood kids that came back for thirds.
There were deliveries being made three streets over, valentine surprises met with so much delight.
There were meltdowns from sugar crashes, it was perfect.
It was a lovely, lovely day because…it is love.
Thanks to all who joined us and those who joined us from a far with so much love, we felt it!
GUYS! I forgot to tell you- It’s Random Acts of Kindness Week! I always forget it is a thing or a special week but we have a mission idea up for you every day over at the Guerrilla Goodness Facebook page if you want to play along!
(and thank you for all who offered me love and hope yesterday- the answer surprisingly came through, it’s a go…more news when I can share.)
give what you can, take what you need…
February 14, 2012
from our friends at James River High School, Richmond, Va.
I’ve been meeting with some kids from the Leadership Center at James River High. I was introduced to them by their Ethics teacher Mr. Couillard, affectionately called Mr. C.
I thought I was going to share my story, inspire a bit, blah, blah, blah….but the universe pulled this HUGE switcheroo on me.
I was stunned by these kids, their heart, their intentions, their focus on kindness and change…So when I got their list of plans for a You Are Loveable campaign at their school, I think my heart just melted. The Junior class took this original idea and ran so far with it with so much soul and creativity, I was blown away.
A bunch of guys giving girls lame pick up lines to make them smile
Somebody to LOVE by Queen playing on the intercom
A post-it kindness blast in the school parking lot
Sidewalks chalked with messages of love
I have looked at the list all week, with this silly grin on my face, imagining the kindness descending on that school in a big, big way.
But then today… Mr C. sent me the picture above of the bulletin boards filled with messages- Give What You Can, Take What You Need…and I started to cry a little…realizing this is the heart of kindness, I have something to give and I need to take something too.
I thought of all the sweet things planned for today- the You Are Loveable messages all over, the Cotton Candy Kindness later this afternoon…those are my Give What You Can sort of things…and then there are the Take What You Need things swirling…I don’t think I’ve taken it and I need it today.
Today I need:
Peace while I wait to find out if a big opportunity is going to happen to carry this message so much further (it feels sort of bleak at the moment, your good thoughts would be appreciated)
Community to gather and stand in some more complicated kindness- like the kind where you have to navigate different needs and still stand in what you believe in- in this case, it’s a skate park and finding the sweet middle place of compromise where everyone is valued and heard
Protection for a tender heart and clarity to see this work and this life for all its beauty- the comparison gremlin is knocking at the door of my soul hard right now.
SO on this day of love, please Give What You Can and Take What You Need in the comments…it can be our virtual bulletin board today inspired by Mr. C and the kids.
And just imagine all those high school kids kindness bombing their school, and people finding a message reminding them we are all loveable, and some grown kid eating pink fluffy candy goodness in the park…and know that kindness changes everything.
the fluffy kind of kindness…
February 13, 2012
Calling all Richmond Folks!! Please join us tomorrow at 4pm at Carter Jones park in Woodland Heights for some Cotton Candy Kindness!! We will do our drive thru again too if you wanna flash by. We would love to see your shining faces on the day of LOVE!!
Feel free to pass on and share!
See last year’s kindness nirvana here.
this week…
February 12, 2012
well…last week, but you know…
you’re okay…
February 10, 2012
written for her son…we all need a mother to sing to us sometimes…you’re okay.
(thanks to the checkout girl for the heads up.)
guerrilla goodness: you are loveable…bringin’ it back
February 7, 2012
written in 2010, but we are bringin’ this one back this year because we could all use a little love right about now…
It all started at breakfast. I told her something terrible I said over slices of cheesecake and diet coke at 10am. The dear friend laughed and said. “You’re so loveable!”
“What?!” while grabbing yet another slice.
“You are!” she held firm and told me stories of people being loveable even at their worst, not to mention half of America is wondering if they are loveable on Valentine’s Day.
and it stayed with me….so here we are at Valentine’s Day and a Guerrilla Goodness mission is born from the kind of wisdom that only comes from real love.
Let’s tell our city, in a million tiny ways that we are LOVEABLE!
Here’s the deal:
Grab a pad of post-its or other pretty paper.
Leave your message (it can be anything) of love for someone to find.
Then trust it is found at exactly the right moment by the perfect person.
Guerrilla Goodness bliss!
here are some good GG spots to leave your message:
bus stops
library books
bathroom stalls/mirrors
car windshields
atm’s
grocery carts
subway seats
dressing rooms
bars
toll booths
the gym
pant pockets
any tiny spot someone might stumble upon
If you decide to join our project in Richmond or some other city, let us know in the comments or upload a picture to the GG Flickr pool or post them on the Guerrilla Goodness Facebook Page.
All is love this Valentine’s Day and I hope you know…you are loveable.
we said thanks…oh, yes we did
February 5, 2012
photo by Sandra Culp Marr
I love it when a mission is so simple and small that it holds its own kind of beauty and unexpected power, maybe it is the kind you just stumble upon. I think when we connect to our most basic shared humanity, magic always unfolds. Two weeks ago, we invited folks to join us in thanking Garbage Collectors around the nation for their important work and place in the world…and boy, did you ever. Stories and pictures came tumbling in each day.
The kind people at GOOD helped spread the word, kids in schools all over made cards for their garbage man and school custodians, and lots and lots of people passed the word on to family and friends. The mission traveled further than any we have ever done…and while numbers aren’t totally in yet, we are estimating close to a 1,000 friends joined us.
Some garbage friends were so busy they didn’t even see the signs, others stopped and chatted, some even came back to thank us…and now more than ever, we are longing to be connected in new and meaningful ways. Kindness is growing bigger and moving faster than I have ever seen..it’s so, so good.
Thank you for being part of this with me…and thanks to all our new garbage collecting friends, we are grateful for you.
And a special thanks to Vejay, Lionel and Joe for taking the time to talk to me and inspiring this mission, we hope you know and feel our respect.
a place all my own…
February 2, 2012
I shared a room (and usually a bed) with my sister for my entire childhood. The only time I ever had my very own room was for the one year when my little sister left for college and I still lived at home right before I got married. I was a child bride at 21 (well, almost 22) and have shared a room with my man and often 2-3 children at any given time for the last 14 years.
There was that stint where all 5 of us had what we affectionately called the “MTV Cribs bed”, it was two queen beds on platforms pushed together with pillows with each of our names on them. It was so cheesy, sweet and so weird. We ran somewhat of a toddler frat house where kids stayed up all hours; we all laid in bed and talked in the dark until we fell asleep every night. And then school happened and the party was over, we resigned to a routine and became responsible parents. Even through all this over the years, we usually all end up in the same room, no matter how much space we have.
This may explain why everyone was so disturbed 2 days after Christmas when I climbed up into the loft to clean.
“Mom! What are you doing up there?” someone small said from the bottom of the stairs.
“I’m cleaning this place out so I can have a studio!” I shouted down.
“What’s that?” she shouted back.
“A studio is a place of your own just for your art and work.” I replied.
“Mom, you don’t need a place of your own, you have us! …and your bed.” she said.
“Exactly! That’s exactly why I need a place of my own!” I said.
And the rest of the day, I cleaned and organized, dragged an old door out of the shed, found some old sheets and blankets. I asked Jorge to help me get the dusty door up to the loft.
“You’re gonna do what?” he said.
He laughed when my next request was for him to carry up an old tree stump two flights of stairs.
2 days later and 2 strands of twinkle lights, I had the prettiest little studio you ever did see. It doesn’t matter that you can barely stand up in the attic, it’s just perfect. And I spent a whopping $6 to make it all happen.
After all was said and done, I climbed up into my nest and the full out family revolt started. Every 10 minutes for the first 48 hours, some one came in to plead their case. Each with their own strategy.
“How’s it goin’ up there?”
“I miss seeing you mom, are you coming down?” (this was 20 minutes in)
“Mom, do you think we should have some girly time all together up there, because I can come up, no problem.”
“Mom, I made a picture to celebrate your studio! Want me to come up?”
“Are you gonna stay up there all day?”
“MOOOOOMMM! I neeeeed a drink!”
“Don’t you wanna watch a movie with me?” (the largest member of our family, who shall go unnamed)
And I held strong, and I kinda missed them (like the tiniest bit), and I realized how productive I am, and remembered I am a clean person, and I sat in awe of the silence when everyone finally settled in…and two weeks later I was working in bed again, but just a little, because it’s just nice to know you can have a place all your own, family revolt and all.
Please tell me in the comments if you have a studio (give us link to a picture) or if you don’t, what dreamy space are you planning in your head? It can even be a Pinterest dream studio- it all counts. I’d love to hear all about it.
a family of love and lost jackets…
January 28, 2012
It was a two hour trip to DC. I was just praying we would narrowly miss the Friday commuter traffic. It was a cousin weekend and the kids could barely contain their excitement because we all know, there is nothing better on the planet than cousins. They are like siblings but with out all the drama and everydayness. Not to mention the meet up and drop off point was IKEA, this meant meatballs and gravy while watching School House Rock and sitting on a bright green ergonomically correct chairs.
We rolled up to the family parking and started to pile out of the car. Jack hopped out with no jacket on and hands dug deep in his pockets, it was about 38 degrees.
“Jack! Where is your jacket buddy?” I asked. There was already that tone in my voice.
“I don’t know, I thought I brought it!” he responded acting shocked.
I don’t really know exactly what happened after that moment but a rant of sorts started. It wasn’t really yelling, it was the kind where I made him feel like total crap for this forgetfulness. I knew it was not just about this moment. It was the four jackets lost before, the four Columbia jackets I had so proudly found at the thrift store, the 57,000 reminders to put on a jacket, to pick a jacket up, the pleading to hang it on the perfectly designed mud room/station hook to make it easy, it was the whole entire spring when this child was three and jumped in every puddle known to man, it was old…and A LOT.
As it was happening, it was almost as if I was out of my body looking down on myself. I knew it was wrong, I could feel it…but I just could. not. stop. This may have only been about 4 minutes of ranting but it felt like 100 minutes or maybe a 1,000 to Jack. I muttered something about everyone getting back in the car and we were going to buy a new jacket.
And then she spoke. That Lucy girl.
“Mom, I am gonna tell you something right now.” Her voice calm but firm.
“Mom, we are a family of love, and you are being too harsh on Jackie-boy right now, and it hurts his feelings mom, it is just a jacket mom, just a jacket. …and jackets don’t matter mom, love matters and I just gotta tell you that.”
And I turned around and looked at Jack, his eyes watering, having just been rescued and righted by someone so small yet so wise, and said,
“You are right Luce. You are right. I am sorry Jackie-boy.” *big sigh* “Oh dear.” and that was all there was to say.
And I felt like a total jerk and so proud at the same time…because on some level there was space with these dear souls for rants, love and truth telling.
We bought a new jacket and I held it as he slid his arms in.
“Maybe you guys are so good, all that is left to complain about is stupid jackets.” I said while I hugged him so tight. He hugged back even tighter.
And two days later, he opened the car door at the car pool line and said, “Oh mom, I know it is some where…” his brow furrowed and eyes wide. I sighed and half smiled, because there is this sort of surrender and calm that comes after the freak out has finally been released.
and because…
We are a family of love, and lost jackets.
guerrilla goodness: the great day of garbage gratitude
January 23, 2012
What do you think the most thankless job in America is? I had my own idea but decided to take an informal poll among friends, family, and of course Facebook. It turns out, garbage collectors won by a landslide. I can’t say I was surprised. From Thanksgiving to Christmas, we create an additional one million tons of waste, which is a whopping 25% more that our collectors have to pick up and haul away.
These are people that are part of our lives, in our backyards or front sidewalk, taking away all our decay, the stuff we don’t want or no longer serves us. Yet even though these guys are in my living space every week, I really had no idea what they might look like or what their names were. I started to wonder so I woke up early one Friday morning and waited for them to roll down my alley.
I must have looked like a total loon waving my hands and carrying my camera but they stopped the truck and hopped out at my back gate. I introduced myself while Vejay, Lionel and Joe pulled off work gloves to shake my hand. We chatted for a moment and I told them I was interested in doing a kindness project for garbage collectors. I asked them what kind of kindness they thought was needed.
Joe leaned against the garbage can and said, “You know, we just need a little respect.”
“Yep, pretty sure everyone needs and deserves that, huh?” I replied.
“Yes, they do. Yes they do.” Joe said.
The kindness mission was sparked. What could be a more lovely and simple message of respect than saying, “I see you, I value your contribution to my community and I thank you.”?
Sometimes it is the smallest act of kindness that makes the greatest impact on a person. Meeting a basic human need may be all it takes to make a change. All I could imagine was Joe lifting can after can with notes of gratitude attached, throughout an entire neighborhood, maybe even a whole city.
So I asked the kids in my daughter’s kindergarten class if they would like to join me in writing thank you notes since they had just been learning about community helpers. The kids were stoked to take the mission on and the kindness started moving. Word traveled and seven more schools wanted in.
awesome thank you note from the kids at Patrick Henry School of Science and Arts
Here is the kindness mission, if you would like to join us:
1. Write a note of thanks to your garbage collector sometime from now until February 3rd.
2. You may want to include a gift card for coffee from your local coffee shop or gas station.
3. Attach it to your garbage can on pick up day for your collector to find.
4. Take a picture and send it to patience@kindnessgirl.com or upload it to our Guerrilla Goodness Flickr pool.
5. Tell us in the comments what city you are from so we can see how far our garbage gratitude is traveling. If you invited your school to join us, let us know the school too. Some schools are including their custodians in on the thank you note kindness too!
6. Hit the Facebook or Twitter button below to share or like…we all know Facebook and Twitter rule the world!
Can you imagine if there was a wave of gratitude across an entire nation? Garbage collectors may get kicked off the top of that most thankless job list. I imagine Joe would be just fine with that.
this week…
January 20, 2012
well, last few, but you know…or maybe the last 3 weeks.
strangers, bears and kindness
January 12, 2012
(sooooo…Huffington Post asked me to blog for their new Good News section. I know, I know, I get to tell kindness stories…swoon! So here is part of my first post below. Likes and shares would help keep me around over there and be much appreciated. I wish I was one of those cool writer types but it’s more of a total performance freak out over here, but I think this is the learning I invited friends! Dear people are offering to help proofread and edit me, there were lots of kind, encouraging words, all things I need to help me take these learning risks. It also helps when you get to write about people like Sarah and Greg.)
I am kind of in love with strangers, the conservative business man in the three piece suit on the metro, the old lady who cuts my fabric at the craft store, the traveling hipster kid dressed in skinny black jeans with the straggly dog.
On any given day, I have at least three memorable stranger experiences. I am not sure why or how, it may just be in my genes. My childhood was filled with memories of my mother having heavy, deep and real conversations in three minutes flat with the checkout girl and toll guy.
Maybe it is the allure that we are connected for just a moment with no past or future to hold, or realizing that there may be less danger in “stranger danger” after all. The simple idea of breaking social boundaries to reach out or offer something to people we don’t know often reveals all kinds of things about humanity we never imagined…
you can read the rest here.
Kindnessgirl 