the truth about trouble….revisited.
October 24, 2011
jackie boy, (because that’s what we called him back then, he thought it was his actual name for forever), age 6, 2009
With another kid just turned 6, and the realization that our time with little kids is dwindling…I went hunting for memories over at the ole’ PBS Supersisters blog. I came across this little story…and I remembered that night like it was yesterday and reminded myself the truth about trouble (I kinda need it.)…whether we are 6 or 60, we can probably all stand a little more love when we are screwing up.
March 17, 2009
It was late and they were fighting again. Jack knows just how to push Lucy’s buttons to get that shriek out of her. I try to ignore it most of the time because that little girl can sure hold her own. This time however, she cried, it was the hurt feeling cry. It seemed the usual little sister and big brother bother had a little mean thrown into the mix. It was a sign something needed to be said.
“Jack, buddy, I think you’ve reached your limit my friend. I gotta take some Wii time away tomorrow.” I said.
There was a look of instant panic. It’s kind of rare at our house to have an actual punishment, lots of logical consequences but this, the Wii, it was a biggie. He started crying and it soon escalated into a full out tantrum. A tantrum at the age of six. I was kind of stunned. I started questioning my decision a little since the response was so strong and so rare for this kid. I guess maybe it had been building for awhile and a release was in order. There were so many big feelings and that can be tricky sometimes. I wasn’t sure what to do but then instinct took over.
“Jack, do you know what can happen sometimes when you are getting into trouble a lot?” I said.
“No, what?” He said while trying to catch his breath in between the sobs.
“You can forget that you are loved. And the truth is, when lots of trouble is around it’s a time when you need love the most. Do you think that could be happening to you right now?” I said.
His little face kind of changed. His eyes crinkled and his own hurt feeling cry started.
“Yeah! I need more love mom, I need more love.” He threw his arms around me and buried his head in my chest and sobbed big, heavy sobs.
“I know Jackie, I can tell. And I know you are a kind boy with a good heart, I know this about you, it’s okay. And papa is away and he is the one who snuggles you so much, I think you are missing that too.” He nodded and we sat together in the moment.
We climbed in bed, all four kids. My arms too full with babies to even hold him but he snuggled up against me. He fell asleep with a red and puffy face and a quiet sigh, the drama behind us. I closed my own eyes knowing we would all wake up to less Wii, but maybe a little more love.
this week…
October 22, 2011
well, last week but you know….
Breathe it all in, Love it all out art idea piece is compliments of this rad diy project and blog…and vintage card catalog compliments of some thrifting, yard sale-in’ besties who shared their double score. Best present ever.
a thank you from Jimmy’s mom…
October 20, 2011
Big Bro Tony, Monica, Dolores and baby Mason (thanks to Tony V.-Dolores’ significant other for taking this picture)
Two weeks ago, I invited you all to join me for a kindness mission honoring Jimmy and Dolores, a reader and new friend. You can read about it here. It was wonderful of Dolores and her family to share their story and memories of Jimmy with us- we are so grateful!
I was blown away by the response, so many of you gathered loved ones and friends for this mission. It felt like every time I opened my e-mail there was another picture and note. It was so sweet to me because it was so simple, so full of love. Thank you…just thank you.
Dolores wanted to thank you too…here is her note to you:
First let me thank you, Patience, for getting the whole wonderful Dinner With Jimmy mission started. Without you none of this would have happened. Also, thank you to all the wonderful, kind people who took time out from their busy lives to celebrate my son, Jimmy’s, short sweet life without even knowing him and even sending pictures of it all. If anyone had a dinner without sending pictures or an acknowledgement, I want to thank them, too. I can’t believe how many dinners were celebrated in Jimmy’s honor (or may still be). It even stretched into Canada.
All of this has renewed my faith in the kindness of other people, but you and your website are a testimony to that. I’m not the only one who faces each day without Jimmy. His Big Bro, Tony, does, too. Tony now has no siblings. They did everything together. Tony sends his own special thanks for remembering his Li’l Bro. Yesterday we had our own special Dinner With Jimmy. I made spaghetti & meatballs. It was his favorite. I taught Jimmy how to cook, but when it came to this he outdid me. Please look for two pictures of our celebration which I’ll send separately from my ipod. It takes too long to type this much on the ipod. The first pic is of me, Jimmy’s Big Bro, Tony, his wife, Monica and their beautiful three month old baby, Mason. The second pic is of me, Monica, Mason and my significant other, Tony V. Big Bro was taking the picture.
Jimmy didn’t live long enough to see his little nephew, Mason, but he was such a perceptive and loving person I’m hoping he was able to see and taste all these wonderful dinners in his honor and to see his nephew, Mason. Jimmy loved to laugh and he loved family get-togethers as you can see from the first photo you put up of me and him. Thanks again to all.
Peace,
Dolores here and Jimmy There
Thank you for making this one of the sweetest missions we’ve ever done- your kindness changes everything. Special thanks to all who helped to spread the word and to Lara and Debbie for writing about it.
7 things to do when you are grouchy…
October 17, 2011
The staycation kinda bombed, the bliss and the we-can-do-it togetherness is sort of waning due to even greater uncertainty- it’s like there is always one more step beyond the edge…and I am tired, passive aggressive and oh so grouchy…and what do you do with that the one step beyond? because THAT is the killer step…and then I wondered, how would I tell you that or what do I even DO about it? I have no idea. While in the shower, I thought to myself, “Awww screw it, just say THAT!
Almost every time I hit that point, things become a little bit clearer- not always better but maybe it is some way out. So this is what I am planning to do today, in all my grouchiness, feel free to join me if you are feeling grouchy too.
1. Yell, Growl, Do a marge simpson groan, Send a text. Any physical sound or form of frustration will do. The kind that lets the inside get outside with out hurting anyone else. You may have to go outside, nature can hear you and absorb, she’s super old. Send an SOS text to a friend, especially if you don’t feel like really talking.
2.Take an Emergen-C, Chug a glass of water, Eat something green. I know this is the very LAST thing you feel like doing but chances are even if you don’t feel totally connected to your body, it is in need of some care if you are grouchy. It can’t hurt.
3. Make your bed or shower,Take a nap. I promise you, clean sheets are the way to a new mind and heart. If your bed is already made religiously, a nap is probably in order. If you can’t turn your brain off or if you have small children- just lay there and close your eyes- rest, that’s right, rest. Showering is also helpful, who knew? Running water is a thing.
4. Just finish one thing. If there is total chaos around you or if you are overwhelmed, just do one thing, nothing else, just one. It doesn’t even have to be big. Mine is this blog post, I already feel better and dishes and a meeting are still waiting for me.
5. Say no to one thing. You don’t have to explain or apologize, just go to your e-mail right now and say you aren’t available and thank them, tell them you look forward to seeing so-and-so at the next meeting or event, or next opportunity- trust me, there is almost always another opportunity.
6. Make a sign. If you suck at telling people what you need, make a sign. I always get defensive and try to explain why I need all that, which is very little to begin with, just forget all that.
I need…
I need you to hug me…
I need 30 minutes by myself…
I need to know I’m not alone…
I need time with you…
I need to go see a movie…
If your people feel annoyed or angry, they probably need something too. Tell them to make a sign and then maybe you can help each other.
7. Kindness will melt you, Remind yourself you are loveable. – what would you do for a grouchy person that you really love? Do whatever that is for yourself.
In grouchy solidarity, text me “grouchy” to (407) 900-KIND and I will send you an encouraging, yet loving grouchy message back today. I know it will make me feel better too.
Texting closes at 10pm EST today!
guerrilla goodness: message to the world…
October 16, 2011
I want to think again of dangerous and noble things,
I want to be light and frolicsome,
I want to be improbable and beautiful,
as though I had wings.
-Mary Oliver
I love the idea that messages are left in the world for us to discover. I was reminded of this one via my friend Jaime, I’m not sure she even knows she passed it to me, but she did…that Mary Oliver gets my gut and heart every time.
I bought some register tape (about 2.5 inches, maybe less) for the kids as part of our art studio and stumbled upon it the other day. It’s wonderful when something can go on and on, even longer than you imagine. I realized the paper is also the perfect size for in between the chain link fence- my guerrilla mind exploded!
So here’s the mission:
1. If you could leave the world a message, what would it say? OR maybe you need to leave one for yourself? What would leave your heart full or give you courage to take a next step? (whatever that may be)
2. Buy some register tape- any old office supply place has them.
3. Write a quote or a message to the world, yourself, a friend…leave a few. They also work on wood fences but need more space for the words and are a little trickier to thread through.
4. This mission is a little harder to do with out getting caught because it takes time to get it securely weaved.
Plan it for some one when they aren’t home (and NOT on the neighbors fence!) or go early in the morning to a park, or other public space- night may get you in trouble. Also be sure to pick up your trash in a week or two, or after the rain.
5. Take a picture!!! Whip out that trusty iphone or droid, share your message with US!!! We wanna see and be inspired! You can post the pic on the Facebook Guerrilla Goodness page or send it to me and I can do it for you!! patience@kindnessgirl.com
Have fun!
Oh! and don’t forget, our Dinner with Jimmy Mission ends on October 18th! You can still e-mail me your pics to be forwarded on to Dolores.
ETA- I think the register tape would work around trees and poles!!! oh, the kindness ideas never end…
this week…
October 15, 2011
well, last week, but you know…
Ummm, not sure what gang sign the girls were throwin’ in that picture but hoodies and rain must do that to you…
Food deliciousness was brought to you by Pinterest (pumpkin scones) and sweet paul lemon feta dip via soulemama. Jorge is officially in love with pinterest as it has brought him a whole new world of treats unlike the usual 5 things I make.
i swear…
October 14, 2011
We were on a staycation this week…well, it ended up as a bit of a disaster, I’m calling it the workcation, but there were some truly lovely lazy moments. I swear some of the best family times happen on lazy mornings when everyone congregates to one bed and hangs out…doing a whole lotta nothin’. (except the climb-over-the-rail and fall on the bed trick)
the great pumpkin and doing it yourself…
October 12, 2011
her first, totally, completely self carved pumpkin:
There is this sort of evolution to discovering you can do something yourself. I know it sounds super trivial or simple, but I feel kind of like a little girl every time it happens.
Something presents itself- usually pretty organically.
An idea pops into your mind.
If you’re me, you wonder if you indeed can do it.
You gather your tools and courage. (for some of us or for the biggies, this can take FOREVER!)
You make many, many phone calls to trusted advisers and dear friends that serve as beloved shrinks to be sure this is indeed a good idea.
You sort of fumble around in the beginning.
A tiny misstep here, a major screw up there.
You scratch your head, or wail- depending on how big the required course correction.
You feel like it may not happen or you dig in, deeper than ever.
You look at it from all the angles.
You finally realize, you were meant to do it all along. You had it, deep in your heart you know it.
You hold it up to a light.
You did it. YOU did it.
You worship it…and yourself. (maybe just for a minute or maybe for a really long time)
You bliss out…until the next something presents itself. But every time, you hold a bigger piece of yourself.
Thinking of you today, for whatever something is waiting for you discover- you are doing it.
lots o’ dinners…
October 11, 2011
We had our first dinner with Jimmy by candle light last night….my, was it lovely. Jen made to die for manicotti and salad, Vic and I made bread. Lillian (age 7) proclaimed that she only loved our cooking, the mothers in her life. It was joyful and sort of peaceful, even in kid chaos. There is something about intentional gatherings, bright orange pepperberries at a pretty table and comfort food on a fall night. We ate way too much, I think Jimmy would have been happy by the fullness all around.
…and your moments are coming in, daughters coming home from college for meatballs, the sweetness of preschool grand daughters who still can’t say the word spaghetti, homemade marinara being stocked up for the winter, large casserole dishes of lasagna shared with gaggles of kids and friends…thank you for joining in on this kindness mission. I think it may be one of my most favorites yet.
Our simple love and kindness holds so much…
You can still join us!! This mission ends on October 18th! Send us a picture of your dinner with Jimmy to patience@kindnessgirl.com or upload on your facebook page and tag Guerrilla Goodness, or put it on the GG page- any way you want to share! All pictures and messages are being forwarded to Dolores and her family.
Hope you are enjoying your fall with the ones you love!
Kindness for YOU starts on October 31st so don’t worry if you haven’t signed up yet or were wondering where your e-mail is, it’s COMING!!
on kindness, the psychoanalysis…
October 7, 2011
A book review of On Kindness by Phillips and Taylor- the psychoanalysis of kindness:
The punch line of the book is that we are, each of us, battling back against our innate kindness, with which we are fairly bursting, at every turn. Why? Because “real kindness is an exchange with essentially unpredictable consequences. It is a risk precisely because it mingles our needs and desires with the needs and desires of others, in a way that so-called self-interest never can. . . . By involving us with strangers . . . as well as with intimates, it is potentially far more promiscuous than sexuality.” By walling ourselves off from our inner kindness, we end up skulking around, hoarding scraps from the lost magical kindness of childhood, terrified that our hatred is stronger than our love.
So willing to take the Freudian leap my friends…to recognize the humanity of our hate and then discover that our love is indeed stronger.
No wonder we are a little bit scared, we are holding change.
this week…
October 6, 2011
well, last week, but you know…
guerrilla goodness: dinner with jimmy…
October 4, 2011
From Dolores- This is a picture of me and Jimmy. We had just finished bowling and were both happy. That’s why he has such a beautiful smile on his face.
Shortly after the O magazine article came out, I got a lovely letter from a woman named Dolores. She wrote:
Hi Patience,
Your little acts of kindness are great!! I’ve been looking for ways to do something in remembrance of my son, Jimmy, who passed away in Oct. 2009. He was an adult, but it doesn’t matter how old they are when you lose them, the loss of a child is something you never really get over. He was handsome, kind, sweet, thoughtful and a good cook. Maybe you have some ideas.
Thanks. Dolores
I thought about Dolores a lot the next few days, maybe it was the mother in me connecting to the mother in her, no matter how big or little our boys are- we love them dearly. So I wrote Dolores back and asked her what Jimmy loved to cook. She said he made the best spaghetti and meatballs, and other Italian dishes. It all sounded so wonderful to me, as food holds lots of community and love.
While cooking a dinner myself one night, it sort of hit me. I wondered if Dolores would mind if we joined her in remembering Jimmy, remembering his kindness through cooking, to honor the way she loved him and the way he loved to love. Dolores and Tony (Jimmy’s brother) said yes!
So here’s the mission:
1. Make your best Italian dish!
2. Invite a friend to share it with- I’m sure this part will be NO problem!
3. Send Dolores a picture of you, your dish, family or friends via Kindnessgirl (patience@kindnessgirl.com) or post a picture and send us a link, or blog about it! Or even just tell us what you made in the comments. You can also post a picture on the Guerrilla Goodness Facebook page too!
4. Let’s see how many people and yummy dishes we can offer as kindness!
This mission will end on October 18th, two weeks from now! Invite a neighbor, an old friend, someone you love…we can’t wait to hear about it!
Calling all foodies! Please share your recipes or ideas, we will link to your blogs! Gluten free, Vegan? Let’s see how wide and far this mission can go!
eta: you can see pictures from the mission here!
creating kind spaces…
October 2, 2011
Fall found her way to us this weekend so I pulled a folding table out onto the front porch, well, that and the laundry has been folded so nicely on the dining room table (thank you Jorge) for over 2 weeks now. Who knows when the clothes will find their way to the drawers?
So our family is about to take on a new adventure. It’s the kind that will require a bit of sacrifice from each one of us. I have to be honest and say I’ve been dwelling on the sacrifice part all weekend long, with a touch of worry thrown in. I find when I get stuck and need to be in a new head and heart space, the best place to start is my home. Maybe it’s because hope is cultivated in the places we find rest in, our haven.
A dear friend brought a beautiful bouquet of flowers from the farmer’s market, I carved pumpkin and gourd votive candle holders, we made homemade pizza with pepperoni stars and I wrote messages left on each plate.
The kids took turns reading their messages, the energy shifting little by little, someone made a toast and then Lucy decided we should all make a wish on our pizza stars. Most members wished for more pizza and voila!- more appeared. We talked about all the things that would suck about the changes ahead and all the parts that would be great.
My message said- Our LOVE is BIG and can hold and fuel our dreams!
Boy, is it true. I wonder why I don’t do this more. Invite our worry and uncertainty to a giant beautiful table of humanity and love, with space to voice our concerns but meet them with intentional hope and goodness. I think this may be the way to do hard and great things, along with some pepperoni wishing, of course.
What helps you when you are worried or facing something big? I usually start with a freak out and end some where in something beautiful, eventually.
this week…
September 29, 2011
well, really last week, but you know…
Some of you have asked about my camera…I have a trusty old Canon 20D with a 50mm 1.4 lens, almost all of my work is edited in Lightroom 2. Someday I’ll have a super shiny Mark II but for now, my old dog does just fine.
…and I did NOT get a 3rd dog but we did have 4 dogs and 4 kids last weekend, that was crazy, and fun…Lyra is still asking for Sallie. Who knew so many of you let your dogs sleep with you? Learned that this week on Twitter, it was kind of nice actually.
I also did not make those incredible rainbow dipped oreos, but my dear neighbors Jen and Nora did, can’t you just see them on Pinterest?
growing up girl, being brown and other hilarious parenting mishaps
September 27, 2011
She came to me with her head dropped low, in her school uniform navy blues and khakis, her socks rolled down to her ankles like all respectable almost 6 year old girls do.
Lucy- Mom, I have a problem.
Me-You do? Oh please tell me.
Lucy-Well, sometimes when I’m in the bathroom at school, the kids think I am a boy.
Me- Hmmm, does this bother you?
Lucy- Yeah, it kinda does.
Me- Okay, well why do you think they think you are a boy?
Lucy- Maybe because of my short hair?
Me- Gotcha, is that why you want to wear that one dress every single day?
Lucy- Yeah.
Me- How do you feel about your hair?
Lucy- I like it.
Me- Well, there are few things I think we can do.
I instantly felt the dagger of your-kid-is-now-in-the-world and you can’t totally protect her heart, so you have to teach them to find their own. While this is important, it’s the absolute worst in parenting. I suggested that maybe we could get a few more dresses and some very girly rad hair clips to which her face started to brighten up but dresses and clips are only half the solution.
Me- So I can work on those things but you should probably know something…
Lucy- What?
Me- There is one last thing you have to try on, it’s super powerful.
Lucy- WHAT?
Me- Have you ever tried to stand in YOURSELF?
Lucy- Nooooo, how do you do that?
Me- Well, I just sort of learned this trick myself, so I’m still practicing, but you take a big breath, stand real tall and stick out your chest…tell yourself- I LIKE it, all of it, all of myself…and then, you walk away.
You should try it!
She jumped up, stuck her chest out, said the words, and pretended to walk away. We did it together about 3 more times, I found a cute hair clip and we made a date to go shopping and I high fived my parenting self until the next developmental catastrophe- either hers or mine pops up in the next 10 minutes.
I walked into the kitchen to find Jack looking forlorn. Bring it on universe, I got it, I’m on FIRE!
Jack- Mom, it is okay to be a little brown? (my husband Jorge is Latino and deliciously brown!)
Me- Yes! Of course it is, it’s awesome to be brown! Women all over the world are slapping on lotions just to be the color you are, it’s like a bajillion dollar industry! …and on I went for about 5 minutes.
Jack- No mom, my poptart, it’s a little brown here, is that okay?
Me- Oh, yeah, I would totally eat that bad boy…
And on I go, stumbling through the various parenting adventures on standing in yourself and being okay with brown poptarts…
guerrilla goodness, oh, guerrilla goodness!
September 25, 2011
For the longest time, every time I even said the words Guerrilla Goodness or thought them in my head, I saw this gorilla with a kind face throwing hearts over the city in my mind. You know, like King Kong, but understood and loved. Not to mention, guerrilla, gorilla… these sorts of things geek me out. I didn’t know how I would make that little guy come alive but a good friend (via the internets) Alyson Plante, did her magic and here he finally is. I can’t tell you how happy he makes me!
I gaze at him on regular basis and smile, because so many of my kindness dreams are coming true and he reminds me of that. So take a look around the new shiny Guerrilla Goodness site, be enchanted by the kindness and sweet gorilla. Join us over on the Facebook page to gather and share ideas, meet other kindness folks or just hang out. We would love to have you!
The best news of the week was that, Jorge and I finally got it done, didn’t kill each other AND there were LOTS of high fives all around! Thank you my friend, you are loved more than you will ever know!
backyard love…
September 22, 2011
I swear I am not a wedding photographer…Ashley and Mark had the sweetest backyard wedding complete with home brewed pomegranate beer and a taco truck, not to mention such deep love from friends, family and each other. A wedding photographer was not in the budget so I snapped just a few pictures while I was there. Thank you friends for including me on such an amazing day…it was beautiful in every way.
the ordinary jazz hands…
September 20, 2011
My life sort of feels like a musical at the moment, of the Maria Von Trapp, High School Musical variety. The moments of climbing mountains, finding dreams or just trying to get my head in a new game are bountiful, oh, and there are LOTS of jazz hands.
I have moments of being paralyzed, just in awe of the swirl of recent goodness, wondering how I ended up here exactly and overwhelmed by what to do next. Then I glance over at the dishes piled up in the sink, or a small child insists on a princess cup, or you sit with your best friend at the kitchen table listening to stories of her artist amazing mom who passed away too soon, or an old neighborhood kid needs a ride home because he missed the bus and it is now raining, or you obsess over what words you should say to make something right to a friend, or you head out to a bereavement photography session, or you realize there is no milk for the cereal in the bowl…and life rolls on, as it should.
And you realize the magic of your life lies somewhere between the jazz hands and the ordinary. That great joy and hardship (along with with the mundane) almost always exist together. I always thought it was one or the other, forcing you to choose. It is when we honor and allow both to be that we find peace.
Your beautiful and messy life, the great successes and all the ways you can barely keep up, it is a gift to the world and to yourself.
kindness is…
September 19, 2011
Kindness is not being nice, it is the act of seeing the human soul.
this week…
September 18, 2011
well, really last week, but you know…
If you are a new friend from the O Magazine…here is a good place to start! So happy to have you…
when kindness takes over a city…
September 16, 2011
birthday tattoos, one for each wrist
I woke up to 35 yesterday, so many blessing to count. After some just okay years, as far as birthdays go- I could have never imagined the doozy of a day that was waiting for me. There are years when you are sort of surviving your life, happy to at least be still truckin’ and then there are other years when you celebrate livin’ life- really living and knowing you are standing in yourself, right where you are meant to be.
This was a living year.
Around 11:30am I checked in with social media to find this on Richmond.com:
Yesterday we shared the story of Richmonder Patience Salgado and her Guerrilla Goodness missions. Salgado, known on Twitter as @kindnessgirl, is featured in this month’s O, The Oprah Magazine for her everyday acts of kindness and today, Thursday, Sept. 15, Richmond is celebrating Salgado’s birthday by doing the good for her.
Salgado’s friend, Kira Siddall stealthily used Twitter to send out a message to all of Salgado’s friends and follower with a simple birthday request:
“Do a small act of kindness. Tweet details to @kindnessgirl. It’s her 35th bday, let’s make RVA kinder to celebrate. SPREAD THE WORD.”
Needless to say, I was floored, speechless. After such a week with so much genuine joy, love and well wishes, now my beloved city, would show their love and kindness in this way- it was overwhelming. So I went to my Twitter account and there they were, tweet after tweet after tweet, all with small acts of kindness. 200 Facebook friends shared Kindness Day on their walls and so it spread...a city taken over by kindness.
Things like:
@MolleeRVA : I mailed a tiny pumpkin and a thinking-of-you note to a friend who recently moved. #smallactsofkindness
@jenniferemiller: I bought groceries for my elderly neighbor.
@PaulaBHough: brought chocolate bars to mothers grp + xtra 2 share. Then gave bars to random strangers in your honor.
@Julie_Bondy: sent birthday cards to friends this week instead of the usual FB post. Real mail is more fun!
@johnhaydon: @kindnessgirl Happy Birthday. I’m making a donation to a local animal shelter. #kindbirthdaywish
@horhey: In honor of @kindnessgirl , paid someone’s toll this AM. #smallactsofkindness
@fyeahmotherhood: In honor of @kindnessgirl’s birthday, I’m tonguekissing everyone I meet today. Kindness for all!
@ksiddall: Happy bday @kindnessgirl! I’m guerrilla Goodnessing w/ Starbucks cards to celebrate! Be kind today RVA 🙂 http://t.co/oeMlHVGU
@heyart: Buying extra McNuggets to share with all of my mates at work today in honor of @kindnessgirl’s birthday!
@sheenajeffers: In honor of @kindnessgirl’s birthday, I donated $50 to wounded soldiers (thank you ALL for inspiring me to be and do better)!
@gregorysheldon: In honor of @kindnessgirl’s birthday, I gave my favorite barista a $5 tip. cc: @KSiddall
@rvafamilymag: In honor of @kindnessgirl , took my CSA share veggies to daughter’s school for the teachers. #smallactsofkindness
you can read some of the rest here.
I know, I know the potential power of this thing, but to see it move, to watch people gather and find their own way to express it- well, it wakes something up inside you didn’t even think was asleep, and invites you to imagine what can come next. It makes you feel hella proud to be living together, side by side with these people…and makes you want to share and make the circle wider- so wide you can’t even see to the other side but just feel your hand wrapped around the person next to you.
So someone wrote me this week and asked if they could start a Guerrilla Goodness chapter in their town/city- With a resounding “YES!” my e-mail was returned to her through the internets. If this is something you might be interested in, please write me at patience@kidnessgirl.com. I am a total mess right now, not even sure where to start to organize and plan, but I would love to help you (if you feel called) so you can join in this deep joy of living life in a kind city too.
Thank you Wren, Jen, Kira and Chad for the sweetest celebration and to The Empress (new friends Melissa and Carly) for offering your soulful space and amazing food with us. We can’t wait to come back!
Oh, and I got TATTOOS!!! So ridiculously exciting…and a story for another day! Thank you all for making my birthday one I will never forget.
AND chocolates are coming friends, they sure are!
guerrilla goodness: the chocolate chain
September 14, 2011
There are about 57,000 other things I should be doing right now…like answering e-mails for instance! All I can think about is chocolate…and your outpouring of kindness to me from all the O excitement. I feel like I just had a baby, emotionally exhausted and totally blissed out.
So I wrote last night to the Facebook crew (so nice to have new friends, please join us!!):
“GUYS! I think we need some sort of kindness chocolate chain letter exchange…don’t you need a little something chocolatey like right now?”
And you answered because we all need a little bit of something chocolatey…and Laura had an awesome idea of buying a chocolate bar for yourself and then one for a friend and passing it on, and on, and on…and I thought that was fantastic…imagining how far the chocolate chain might go! So instead of laundry and an insane amount work, I promptly went out and bought an obscene amount of very lovely chocolate this morning.
So here’s the deal:
1. If you are not totally freaked out to Facebook friend a complete stranger or send me a mailing address to patience@kindnessgirl.com, I will SO happily send you a 2 bars of chocolate- one for you, one for a friend or one for you to leave some where anonymously.
2. Along with the bar, you will leave a little encouraging note asking the next person to do the same.
3. If strangers isn’t your thing, start your own chain! The encouraging news is chocolate is almost everywhere (thank God!)
4. If you are in Richmond and want to join in on the chocolate postal kindness magic or chip in with some bars, contact me and we’ll gather chocolate and mail these babies out together!
I can only imagine what chocolate and kindness can do together!!
(for all the pretty lovers- the sunflower doilies were found at the dollar store! The dollar store, I KNOW!)
ETA on 10/2- I have now reached my chocolate gifting limit loves (100 bars! woohoo!!! if you e-mailed me before the 2nd, yours is still coming), but YOU can start your own chocolate chain!! Do it, it’s so much fun!!!
breakdowns, breakthroughs and O Magazine…
September 11, 2011
Kindnessgirl makes the October issue of O, The Oprah Magazine! I know, holy heck!!
About a year ago almost right at this time, I was a giant puddle on the floor. I was struggling so deeply with my kindness work, well, not my kindness work, just myself. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get out of my own way. I knew this work and way of life was meant to be shared and become a community in a new way but I was stuck. So many fears, mostly of being seen, being afraid of the power of it all and my long list of inadequacies, petrified of putting my heart and self completely out there, trying to figure out a way to do it safely. The big truth was, there was no safety, and deep down I knew it and then I sort of melted.
Sometime after that, I just started to find little bits of courage, to peel back the layers and be this sort of beautiful mess that I am in my head and heart. Slowly but surely, I could see I was always meant to believe and stand in this work fully, and just be the girl I am. Over and over again, like a broken record, I told myself that was all I had to do…live my life, follow each idea, call and say the words I know and am learning about kindness…and let kindness lead the way.
So, and I can’t even tell you how…but here I am. All I know is that I feel whole when I am in each moment of kindness, even the broken kind. A million of these moments, all added up and pieced together are the joy of my life. …and maybe my some kind of Wonderful. So I guess it was my breakdown that brought my breakthrough…and now to be seen and get to share my work and life in the O Magazine* is humbling, incredibly humbling…that despite myself, kindness finds me again.
If there is something hiding around in the back of your mind or heart, now is the time my friend. Everyone is just waiting for the goodness you are holding, it’s bigger than you anyway…it’s time. Anything, anything is possible…
and from the home front:
The lovely thing about children is that they have no idea or really care that you are in O Magazine, Lyra thought the mag would make a good hat. …or the lovely elderly woman we asked to take our picture with the magazine at Barnes & Noble was more concerned that I know my husband was very handsome and I should be nice to him…and she said she was too old to take any pictures. We ended up talking about her life for quite a bit…it couldn’t have been more perfect.
Lucy was obsessed with putting this bouquet together from the backyard garden flowers for the host of the football party we were late for. …and then I came home to this, I had been ding-dong-ditched by my good buddy Nora- with a picture of all the people on our street. And all the excitement over O and everything simple and true just sort of mixed together, and that felt so right. So very right.
So I have some things for folks to do to get their kindness going very soon, but until then, if you would like to know more, the guerrilla goodness page is a nice place to start, and here are a few stories about us finding our way…
If you think we should be Facebook friends or Twitter geeks together, please friend or follow, it would make my day!
And now about you…please tell me what has melted you this year in the comments, I’d love to hear.
*very special thanks to Joan Tupponce for writing the article and to Judi Crenshaw for sharing my story. ..and to my dear friend Meghan McSweeney for taking my picture in the article! SO much gratitude to you all!
this week…
September 9, 2011
well, last week…but, you know…
making friends with your irrational thoughts…
September 5, 2011
lyra grace
Her eyes alone can tell you she is almost three, ready to take on the world with the waffle headband and cherry boots she’s been rocking all summer. I have looked at this picture about 1,000 times this morning, mostly because she is making me crazy and I need a little reminder that I am actually in awe of her. She’s demanding and passionate, insisting that everything be done just so and now. She’s completely irrational.
For months I’ve had my eye on getting some big kindness work done, calling into being the ideas and dreams I’ve held close for quite some time. Something so exciting coming just this week (stay tuned) became a sort of deadline, the spark needed to set the roaring fire going. I’ve known for months, feeling the weight of the time approaching and still I procrastinated. It’s like almost impossible for me to work any other way, not to mention my kindness ADD where I am constantly distracted by the never ending opportunities surrounding me every where I go.
As I was gearing up my inner three year old this weekend, to call in all the help I need to pull something grand off, the flu descended upon my house. Well, upon Jorge actually.
The flu, THE FLU. We went from pulling all nighters, throwin’ back the redbulls and high fivin’ in the morning over the amazing work done to please, please oh God, please don’t let it spread, massive amounts of Emergen-C, Lysol is now your best friend, hazmat quarantine, I can’t believe he is more than man-sick and HOW AM I EVER GOING TO GET IT DONE? …and I was mad, so mad because I thought it was going to be my time, mad that I procrastinated, mad my children were needier than ever, mad that my poor husband had the flu.
How can you be mad at someone who is deathly ill with the flu?! Hello irrational thoughts…
The weekend went by, I gave impeccable care to Jorge with almost no bedside manner, barked at children and was generally grouchy and miserable. So this morning I woke up, threw on a waffle headband and some running shoes, prayed that Pandora would hold out and not stutter and freeze on my crappy phone and ran. And for some strange reason, the Girl Talk channel spoke to me, the Universe conspired and played the exact right song after song until I reached the park where I promptly sat down and cried. …and I felt better.
On the way home a wise friend told me I may want to make friends with those irrational thoughts, sit in the humanity for a bit…so I could let them go (and not resent my dear family or treat them badly). …and she was right because even when you are 3 or 34, you really just want someone to hear your rant, hold you and tell you all will be fine…whether you can’t have ice cream for breakfast or your spankin’ new kindness website won’t get done in time.
It’s really all okay… because the ice cream and website will be super sweet when the time is right. and you will get it…because you have your power headband on…and your cherry boots.
guerrilla goodness: back to school treasures
September 2, 2011
I love school supplies…there is nothing better than a new set of markers, a pretty journal or super sharp pencils. But what if you got a new back pack AND got some ice cream after?!!! In honor of our good kindness friend Chris and her kindness mission, we thought we would do it over on our little part of the country.
If you are last minute school shopping this weekend, get some fabulous and inspiring supplies and leave a little treasure behind for another kid to find.
Here’s the deal:
1. Baskin Robbins sells $2 gift certificates, which is exactly the cost of a kid’s size cone. Perfect, right?!
2. Buy a few, and attach a little message with a post-it.
Some ideas for messages:
Have a great year at school! Have a little treat on us!
Kindness found you! Enjoy this treat!
Hope you know how sweet you are! Here’s a sweet to remind you!
3. Hide your ice cream treasures in back packs, pencil boxes, thermos canisters, and notebooks at your local store!
4. Grab an ice cream cone for yourself and enjoy the kindness high!
Tell us your story and share pictures if you decide to take on this cool mission…
Check out these cool pics from Kelly and her crew chalking for the first day of school!
love, love, love…
August 31, 2011
There’s nothing like a hurricane to make a wedding memorable…although I’m pretty sure the love of the new Mr. & Mrs. Waters is plenty fierce and strong all on it’s own. They beat the storm but just by a hair. What a sweet day friends! Thank you for including me…here’s a little preview:
when the storm blows you together…
August 30, 2011
post hurricane truth
My PTSD sort of sets in at the mere mention of a tropical storm. I grew up in sunny south Florida and lived in Homestead when Hurricane Andrew rolled through all those years ago. So much has changed since then, I live 1,000 miles away, I have babies of my own to protect, I know that storms, even in all their destruction, bring people together…and when there is fear in your heart, every invitation of love is a good idea.
It started with a food conversation, I guess storms and food have that one thing in common. We decided that at 5pm all who wanted to would gather, Jen (the mayor of the street commune and neighborhood) would make her famous curry soup and naan. Yes, six batches of naan should be enough, although there really can never be too much naan. I spent the day running to help with naan, making breakfast casserole and puppy chow while kids played their own version of monopoly with tiny stuffed animals. There were lots of rules to follow.
When the wind picked up and the sky grew dark, the naan and Irene worked their magic and 30 people, (neighbors, dear friends and family who just happened to be visiting, grandparents seeking higher ground, etc.) gathered in one house to ride out the storm together. Somehow happy chaos found her way into the storm…along with some piano playing, a shot of vodka and the holy breakin’ of igniting glow sticks. Everyone bringing their own light in some way.
I looked around and wished everyone had this sort of community, because the truth is life is full of all kinds of storms…what if each one were greeted with such love? I imagine we all would be doing a helluva lot better. We woke up to lots of trees down, some on our street, damaging the houses of the people we care about and live with. It seemed like the only perfect response was to do what we knew from the night before. So we set a long beautiful table with linens and flowers, right in the middle of the street and all the destruction…and ate naan cakes.
We all decided that when the power is gone you should just empty your refrigerator and eat like kings! The morning turned into day, someone brought out Balderdash and beer, the kids played in the street and I chalked what I know to be true over and over again…if ever there was a perfect storm, it was this one.
hurricane prep for kids…
August 25, 2011
message thrown in with today’s breakfast on the couch along with some cartoons for a dear and worried family member…
I was always a worrier, as long as I can remember. The other side of this sensitivity has taken me down a really beautiful path but the worry part? Well, that can be tricky at times. Here are a few ideas to help some kids in your life if they happen to be sensitive souls that tend to absorb a lot.
1. Turn the TV off! Some of us need the information to form a plan or process, most kids? Not so much. Grab your info on the internets, a constant stream of scary language like high winds, flooding and the like only revs the anxiety up. Simple explanations are plenty for kids along with a plan of action to ease the mind and heart.
2. Get your kit on! Let kids be part of the preparing process and make space for a few extras. The Spiderman flashlight is great distraction and awesome for shadow games later. Buy extra batteries so they can leave them on for as long as they want. Being part of a solution always empowers and helps us move our fear to an action place. Kit prep also gives us an opportunity to talk about what may happen after the storm so kids aren’t caught off gaurd.
3. Make a Kid kit too! Besides all the boring stuff like candles and water, have kids put together a small kit of things they love and activities for the storm and after. Now is the time for Bendaroos, small art kits, sticker books, filling up the Ipod with books, special kid snacks, etc.
4. Make a worry box or candle! Sometimes our worry is just too big to be covered by talking and preparing, sometimes we just need someone else or thing to hold it for us. Take an old shoe box and decorate it with words and pictures that bring us comfort and peace. Make a slot in the top and invite the kids to let the box hold their worries for them for a little bit, leave small squares and markers next to it. Kids don’t even have to be able to write yet, a picture works just as well. I’ve seen many adults drop a note or two in the box too!
We have a little candle on our kitchen counter with some strips of paper and a pen. The wax drips over them, reminding me I am covered.
5. Go Guerrilla with your worry! Parents- leave little notes of love and safety on bed posts, bathroom mirrors and inside the pantry. When kids are tired of talking, it’s nice to have something reminding you in a less direct way.
Kids- If one kid is worried, it probably means others are too. Kids can write their own messages and leave them for other kids to find in the supply section of the grocery store, at a park or even at the gas station. Sometimes thinking of others makes us feel less alone.
6. Party it up! Kids can only worry or hold heavy thoughts so long. Now is the time for Family DJ Dance party in the living room, or a Monopoly Marathon by candle light, movies and popcorn till the power goes. Enjoy the party and chance to be together in your home for a bit, slowing down can bring all kinds of gifts.
Do you have any ideas that work for you or your kids when the storm in your heart kicks up? Tell us in the comments!
this week…
August 24, 2011
well, it was really last week…but, you know…
Kindnessgirl 