Kindnessgirl

You may remember long ago when The Westboro Baptist Church came to my city…some dear friends and I found ourselves in the middle of something quite amazing, hatred was turned into kindness. Our wonderful city did it, you can watch our story above and feel the kindness magic.*

You can learn more about Pennies in Protest here.

*finally, I finally finished the video after 3753 stops and starts. It’s done!

Just soaking in all the Guerrilla Goodness flying around these days…nothing makes me happier. Check out my GG soulsister Chris and her kindness work above, we’re gonna do an east coast and west coast bang up power mission together one of these days.

Oh….look at my new friend Kristin, the lovely, lovely artist…she hid these all over her friend’s house. Aren’t they amazing and don’t you wish you found one in your shoe? I wish we could sit at a table one night and make pretty things while we tell our stories, Kristin just feels like that type of friend.

photo by Kim Klassen

Kim Klassen, *happy sigh* , Kim is one of those crazy inspiring people/artist/sisters who holds a great and safe space for people to explore, try on, dream all the parts of themselves that have been waiting to come out. Check out her Inspiration Staycation filled with kindness, her cafe… mostly her most amazing way of being in the world.

For you local-yokels …Kate and Kate of Richmondmom.com along with Hands On Greater Richmond are throwing a Back To School Splash gathering school supplies for kids in need. Hop on this goodness, you will be so very glad you did!

I took this picture of myself this morning, right at the last second before I snapped all my truth spilled out. I didn’t really intend to look, be so sad but there it was…*sigh* I have been painfully aware this week of how all my issues have held me and my work back this week, held me from taking kindness to places I really want to follow it to. It isn’t the whole story but that part feels really big at the moment.

Call it self protection, fear of failure, but being seen, really seen for all I have and haven’t done, all I am and am not, is something I’ve struggled with for a really long time. Even this blog was intentionally hard to find, I’ve been hiding in some ways I guess. The lesson doesn’t seem to be going away no matter how much I wish it would. So I’m taking the baby steps…pushing myself, just a little, to be okay and open being all the things…to claiming my work and power, yet still carry a fragile, kind of screwed up heart.

This is what children do when their parents are working on the 57,000th house project and are STILL unpacking boxes for what feels like 40 forevers…

If you are Lyra, you get into the ice cream AND silly bandz stash, all before 9am…

If you are the boys, you spend hours making very rad Lego pin ball machines and marble games…

If you are Lucy you layer dress up dresses (one just isn’t enough) and make things out of pom poms, like silly noses and pom pom bouquets because all roads lead to flowers anyway.

…besides all the kids watching entirely too much Netflix, in between they fight over while being deliriously happy about swinging as high as they can over the pond on the awesome swing…and if you are Lucy, you sing “I Believe I Can Fly…” off key as loud as you can.

…and lastly you beg your mother to help you make minish and fairy houses for the magical backyard and then when she finally does, you say it’s too hard yet still give her very specific instructions and fantasy education until completion. It was seriously fun…I must make more.

just another weekend at the Kindness house…

Every now and then I bust out with the crafty, it’s usually out of need for a solution to a problem. This time happened to be about the state of the car. It is near impossible to keep a car clean with four kids, unless you are super-de-duper clean, like you need it clean to be able to think and breathe. I’m not exactly in that crowd but the mess gets on my nerves when it starts to cover the floor.

Hello, car bags…I bought some sheets that I was going to turn into pillows and curtains, they came in an adorable little pouch. After Lucy trying to hustle me for the 57,000th time to take even more junk into the car, I gave her the bag and told her she could take whatever she wanted as long as it fit in the bag. Josiah was close by and asked if he could have a bag too. Before I knew it I was making car bags while the fabric for curtains and pillows got tossed aside. I get sidetracked so easily.

I’m a straight line sewing kind of girl…so this was pretty easy peasy. So if you have a messy car and a savvy four year old, you can make some car bags too.

totally realizing I am a dog person this week…who knew? more friend goodness here.

I was putting books in a box when the old letter slipped out onto my lap. I’m not much of a pack rat but must have stuck this little gem away a very long time ago. It was a letter from my “Pop”, my grandfather, written to me when I was just five years old.

He was a working class man, a mason, a depression era guy, with deep faith and strong sense of family. I can remember how we sang from hymn books together for hours. He was a gentle nose wiper and always had a hanky in his back pocket which my mom thought was kind of gross. My sister and I would play hairdresser with his thick white hair, he didn’t even mind about a hundred bright clips and ribbons in his shiny mane. He was a legacy kind of man, with a strong presence and a wise word.

He didn’t write letters very often, maybe on some level I knew it was special…even then. It was written on old Current stationary with green butterflies, like the kind my Gram always had in her old desk.

I burst into tears as I read…I didn’t remember it at all, it was like reading it for the first time. I could actually feel the covering over me, one that has been there my whole life but feels more sacred than ever.

Sent in September 1981 when I was 5.

Dear Patience,

This is just a note to thank you for the little book you gave me.
I read it thru, and it was a great story and I enjoyed it very much.

That was very kind of you.
And I pray , all your life, you will try to be kind to people,
no matter who they are or how they treat you.

Thanks again.

Your friend and your
Pop

It all matters, the blessing, one little thank you note to a little girl, the call on an entire life…

It was a dark time, a very dark time, so I made a cave. It had fires and warm blankets, comfort food and a place to hibernate, to talk, to cry, to struggle safely, to heal. The only problem is when spring comes, it’s time to go out, to feel the sun light on your face, to believe in new hope, to take in all that is before you. The cave gave us all she had but it was time to go.

We looked high and low for a new house, a grown up house if you will, with charm AND function. For so long I was the girl who could make anything work and turn nothing into something, it was (and still is) my superpower but somewhere along the way I started to tell myself a story that was all there was for me and all I would ever need. I have to admit, after all the cave dwelling, I needed and wanted things to be easier, I started to want even the things that other people wanted like diswashers and working washers/dryers, a pantry and a new bathroom. All of it felt okay, to need, to want, to invite abundance in.

In the midst of all the looking, a dear friend suggested a house of a mutual acquaintance, a home, not a rental, a rad family moving to their next new adventure. I was reluctant, thinking about how four kids really live in a house but she insisted. As soon as we stepped in the door I knew, I could feel all the house held, all the love that existed from this sweet family, it was a move into the light…it is the kindness house.

There were more hurdles to make it happen, exhausting, draining hurdles but it all started to wash away when we got to the big green house. My desire to have everything just so went into overdrive, so I started writing notes to myself on the little blackboard on my porch. Every box carried through the door came with the reminder that all would be done in just the right time. I decided to leave it there and write a new message every week because sometimes you just need to tell yourself exactly what you need to hear. You don’t have to wait for it, you can give that gift to yourself.

This is the place where babies sit on counters while you cook because you actually have counter space for the first time ever…while you give them treats so they stay out of the batter.

…and kind neighbors bring rice krispie treats for the kids and their latest harvest from their most amazing garden.

…and you sit in your new breakfast nook and write letters to those you left behind and honor all that place gave you.

…and you feel so full to know how you have been carried and held, and overwhelmed by your own story… by the way at every turn something new awaits you to show you even more.

how can this face NOT make you happy?

My husband always adored Bill Cosby and thought he was hilarious. Even as teenagers before marriage and children he would belly laugh over his parenting bits, which were a comical take on his slight annoyance of life with kids who he called “those people”.

 As a bright and shiny aspiring preschool teacher and child development major, I was always horrified. My entire life was spent around kids, enjoying their company and investing in their futures. Even though I knew Bill Cosby really probably loved his kids and life, I said a secret prayer that I would never become like that.

Fast forward sixteen years to living in a house with less than 1200 square feet with a dog and four kids, (two of whom are total firecrackers) and on a tight income with both parents working. I am physically and emotionally spent in ways I never really imagined….rest the rest here.

boxes for Ding Dong Ditchin’

This week among getting ready for a million other things, I got a minute or two to bail out of the craziness to lead a kindness workshop for kids. It was a brilliant idea by my dear friend Sarah, the class was an auction item to benefit The Sabot School.

It was interesting to watch the kids explore the concept and put some definitions around the word and act. I kind of laughed when at the end when we were reflecting and Sarah asked the kids what they thought kindness was and one student said very plainly,

“It’s the opposite of egocentric.”

She must have been no older than 7 or 8, I burst out laughing, it was a big statement from a kid, from anyone actually. Some parts were hard to connect at times and that is when I was struck by a huge 2×4 from the universe…kindness isn’t just something we do, kindness is a way of life.

…it’s a lovely way of living, so much bigger than us, even in our moments of deep egocentricity, kindness can find a way into our hearts and all the places we need it most…softening and molding us, revealing what is most important.

I’m looking forward to exploring with others how we can lead kind lives, everyday showing us a little more.

Sometimes kindness missions just pop out of what seems like no where…the road to no where is lovely I guess. While preparing for a kindness workshop (which I’ll tell you about later),  an idea came to me. My kids are obsessed with Silly Bandz , heck, my husband is too, constantly trading the three he has on his arm. I even got a light blue unicorn off him…score! While the fad is probably on it’s way out, kindness squeaked in at the end. She’s wiley and sharp that way.

I asked my kids if they would like to make little bundles of Silly Bandz with a note attached and leave them all over parks in our city. Kid-to-Kid Kindness has to be my favorite of all. They were all over this mission, well, after the initial drama anyway. Lucy was devastated she had to wait more than 20 minutes to start to put them together and pick out her own. She decided to just help herself after I asked her to wait…oh boy. I must tell you there are often hiccups along the way with kindness work, but as Josiah told me today, “You just can’t give up, you have to keep trying.”

So we did…and I realized a few things about doing kindness missions with kids…

1. It’s nice to start with self-kindness. Almost every mission, we offer the same kindness to ourselves before we start. It reminds us there is enough for everyone and invites us to pass it on with full hearts.

2. Not everyone has to participate in every part. Jack had no interest in putting the little sets together but is jazzed to find spots in the park to leave them when we go tomorrow. It’s okay if a family member decides not to join in at all, but usually everyone is called to at least one part. I think mostly because it is a form of play and fun.

3. Everyone is capable, even the baby. Lyra (age 1) scribbled on tags today and I wrote on them, “This is for you! It is an act of kindness! This is the kindness message from the baby-” (with an arrow to her art work). Starting kids young and including them in missions helps them connect the concepts later and more importantly, becomes a way of life. Besides all that, it’s just so sweet.

4. It helps to do it all in one shot, but not neccessary. It’s good for keeping the momentum going and especially because kids so live in the moment. We try to do the mission all together from prep to finish. I have had times where kids were tired and grouchey and we bailed mid- mission and picked up the next day, or even the next week. Go with the flow.

5. After you get in the groove of doing kindness missions, kids are great leaders. I have found my kids have some of the most creative ideas for spreading kindness in the world. They also have great ideas for execution and insight on the heart and pulse of the joy part of our collective work. 

So we are off to the park tomorrow to share in this Silly Bandz kid kindness…hope your missions are sweet and bring you a great joy like they have for us!

This might be the most courageous act of all, to keep an open heart. Allowing all the parts of you to trust, in yourself, in what’s before you, in what can be…with arms stretched out, hands ready, the light ahead.

When a six year old who doesn’t even know you decides you might need some kindness, it pretty much melts your heart in ways you didn’t know possible. Gayle Smith and her sweet daughter set out to offer me a little kindness as part of their Ding Dong Ditch mission. You can check out the very awesome video of their adventure and gift to me here.

The bread and sundried tomato pesto might have been the yummiest thing I’ve had all year…anything mixed with that much intentional care and kindness always tastes better. I was so humbled and touched…I never really connect the work I’m doing until kindness finds her way to me, it’s a wonder everytime. I’m completely undone by it…and in awe. Thank you Gayle and Margaret for making my week, and closing out The Great Ding Dong Ditch with such a bang!

I have this fantasy of living on a farm on a beautiful piece of land…working hard, caring for all around me, focusing on sustaining, thriving, living life. I’m sure it isn’t all it is cracked up to be but I must say wandering this farm on the island was pretty dreamy…

this little guy followed me around the barn…

you can see the rest here…

It was a quick dig, something slightly critical about his parenting in the middle of a discussion. We were in the thick of everyday life, probably both needing a break. I was tired and annoyed but the truth is, if he had said it to me it would have been a way bigger deal. We talked it out and came to some conclusions but the next morning I woke up and wondered. I wondered if he knows how much I appreciate and respect him as a man and a father. I wondered if I don’t tell him enough. I wondered if he even knows these things about himself. I have found wondering is a good invitation to act, to find out….read the rest here…and join the challenge!

I gotta tell you, I was super excited when I saw this ding-dong-ditch on my twitter feed. I guess I was so touched that kindness could even move into a business…a kind nursery and garden. What could be better than THAT? This makes my dream of Richmond becoming known as a kind city feel even more real….you guys made my day!

You can also read more about other ding-dong-ditcher’s here ….and check out what our friends and partners at Mondo Beyondo are up to here.

Ever wonder what happens and who finds your bit of kindness? How awesome is THIS?!!! Check out Martina’s comment in the DDD post:

Martina Says:

July 6, 2010 at 12:03 am e
Wow, imagine my surprise today when my doorbell rang and no one was there. What was there was the neatest little package! There were 2 fresh cucumbers, a fabulous magnet for my refrigerator, a sticker that says “Life is Good” and some really cool sticky notes. All of this was tied with a ribbon and and had a small note attached to tell me that I was part of the “summer ding-dong ditch” with this website at the bottom. It absolutely made my day!! All I can think about now is who I want to do this same thing to. THank you a million times to the wonderful person, or people, who have included me in the spreading of joy!

even more loveliness found:

you can find more of this doc goodness here.

I must tell you all, this has been a really interesting GG to watch. I’m wondering if this project was kind of like advanced kindness or something. I noticed while LOTS of people were loving the idea, this particular mission was a little more gutsy to actually do. I like that….it’s good to be pushed and stretched just a little every now and then, even in play and kindness. It’s also okay to take baby steps too, start with someone you know. You don’t have to ring and run , you can just ditch without the ding and the dong. 🙂

Much joy to you all as we uncover the power of kindness together!

This is Jack’s (age 7) sign…his words when I asked him what he thought we should be reminded of this summer. This may as well have been a banner for Jack’s entire life, he is the king of living in the moment. The funny thing is the sign was made under much duress, like serious drama, there was nothing playful about it… the dog stepped through it like a 100 times while I was trying to paint, Lyra wailed as I picked all the wrong colors, it was hotter than hades while painting, and on and on…yet everytime I look at it, I stop and want to play…and everything around me feels more joyful as a result.

I am cooking with kids, jumping on the trampoline, making plans and schemes 100 times a day with the boys, growing tired of trying not to watch television, playing “honey” with Lucy, feeling exhausted, checking on the tadpoles/frogs religiously, not doing laundry, dancing with Lyra, jumping rope while Josiah counts, relaxing as much as a mother with 4 children does, playing, playing, playing, and most definitely taking in the JOY… 

…I think the signs are working.

Whenever I read or come across the words Mondo Beyondo, I instantly hear this announcer guy with a huge megaphone shouting loud and strong…. “monnnnndoooooooooo, beyooooonnnndoooooo!” maybe like the voice of God or Buzz Lightyear, but lighter, and the earth quakes happily. It always makes me laugh and sometimes I even say it out loud.

Mondo Beyondo is a lovely e-course on dreaming cooked up by Jen Lemen and Andrea Scher. So after the very important work of dreaming has been going on for a bit, they decided that summer might be the perfect time to focus on rest, play and the power of kindness. This latest genius idea is called the Mondo Beyondo Dream Lab and I was stoked when they asked me if I would like join in on the summer goodness to lead a mission on kindness.

My girls and I decided to paint signs the other day on a hot Virginia afternoon. The porch was thick with junk and dog hair because all that is not necessary is discarded there in the winter. Once spring returns someone sorts through and finds a treasure or sweeps up to rediscover the wonder of porch magic. The old tired spot becomes a studio again, an escape to rest with a cool drink or a place to gather.

The girls started to paint, brushes dipped and moving across paper. Colors mixing, the motion of creating something new…and then just like that, the process started. Each moment calling us to more, to see the art, to feel art, to be the art…they started painting each others hands, their own faces and legs, standing in paint pans, rolling on paper…it is no longer enough to observe, we are called to enter in. The messier the better…kindness feels like that to me. Some days I dabble with my brush, then immerse my hands, spreading it to the edge of the paper, then I forget there are egdes at all…I’m so deep in my process when I finally look up it is all around, everywhere my eye can see…and what a beautiful mess it all is. It almost always starts with play and wonder…join us as we get totally lost in the play of creating kindness for each other, for ourselves…our mission is coming soon.

Ohhhh, had the loveliest guerrilla goodness photo shoot on her dream farm with Leslie and her lovely family the other evening. I’m always so nervous to do portrait work as I don’t do very much of it, like hardly ever actually. This family had such a sweet way and made it easy…and they had the greatest kids!

What made it even better was on a whim I asked my photog soul sister Jess Lucia if she wanted to join me for double the photography love. I can not tell you how awesome this decision was…it was SO fun to work together. It felt like we had been doing it for years. Check out her amazing shots here.

here are some of my favorites that I took:

You can see the rest here…I pick a new nomination each month so keep sending them in at patience@patiencesalgado.com.

My photography work landed me on a private island off the coast of Maine a few weeks ago for just a weekend. It was only my second destination shoot and I was in a sort of awe the entire time. This particular land was magical in a way I can’t quite put words to. Maybe because it was private and so few people were there or maybe because the beauty was so overwhelming, but I could not get over how free and safe I felt. Free to really wander, free in a way I have never experienced before. There was nothing keeping me from soaking all of it in, way down deep.

“Babe, do you feel like we are in Narnia?” my husband asked while we hiked in a soft rain.
“Yes! Oh, I hope we get to meet Aslan!” I cheesily and wholeheartedly replied.

for more head over here…

in the backseat while riding home:

Lucy (age 4): What is the meaning of life Lyra? (said very dramatically) You must tell me!

Lyra (age 1): makes a sound just like Astro the dog- “ruv!”, she says, not meaning to answer

Lucy: Oh!! You are exactly right, LOVE is the meaning of life. Oh it is!!!

…be still my mother heart.

I am completely, totally, scarily overwhelmed. If I told you all the things I have to do right now, you would first make me a cup of tea and then very gently say… “Why did you say you would do all that?!!” …and with a furrowed brow I would agree, wholeheartedly. Except, I really do want to do all the things on the list, I really do. So I sit here tonight, not knowing where to start…and then, because all roads lead back to Julie Andrews I sing to myself, “Let’s start at the very begininng, a very good place to start” …. (in my best English singing accent, of course). Then I do the very last thing I should be, to just get a chance to breathe, to collect myself, to indulge in the living in the moment.

So here we are….every summer I make a list of our favorites, music, activities, whatever will call our hearts during the season of total freedom…a chance to get to fill the blank slate.
you can read the list from 2008 and the year before that if you are interested.

It was a last minute idea for Jorge very early on his birthday morning. Josiah, Jack and I made a sign listing the top 36 reasons why we love Jorge. We were working so fast and had the fans going hoping it would dry before he woke up, the whole process was comical. My most favorite reason on the sign was by Josiah, it said, “he has me”…oh the sweetness!
It was so fun I wondered if we should do it again and instantly thought of the sign queen and her lovely work. We decided we should make one every week through the summer.

So Lucy and I spent the afternoon listen to the Annie (the musical) channel on Pandora which gives you the greatest mix with lots of Mary Poppins, The Sound of Music and My Fair Lady…it was so dreamy to paint and sing.
Everyone is learning and growing…it was a staple phrase used all throughout my kid’s toddler years. When there was conflict or struggle, this little phrase invited in empathy for all involved. Lately I’m realizing it works beyond toddlerhood, *sigh*, we are all still learning and growing, heaven help us if we aren’t. So this one was for me, to remind me there is still space for me to stumble in my never ending learning and growing. Look for next week’s sign, they are the signs of summer…or even better, make your own signs and send pictures!

There was a frog festival here in Richmond, well, sort of. It was a tent with some lovely, lovely people who found a crazy amount of tadpoles in a city pool and wanted to use this as an opportunity to educate. My eco boy was out his mind for the froglets and tadpoles, so we took some home to become our very own mosquito eating brigade. There has been LOTS of discussion regarding their care…like questions about the pond water, its level, being inside/outside, fish food feedings- flakes or pellets, and on and on. Everyone please, please cross your fingers that at least ONE of the little guys make it.

It’s all coming back. The 80’s goodness for my own ten year old. I’m not always a fan of remakes but I must admit I can barely wait to take Josiah to see The Karate Kid . This started a whole slew of other movie suggestions and memories. The Neverending Story, The Boy Who Could Fly, Space Camp, Batteries Not Included…which started a huge discussion about whether Goonies and Stand by Me were appropriate which then lead to another conversation where I discovered how many disturbing horror movies Jorge saw at a young age.
Still looking forward to kid movies and maybe even hitting up the drive-in.

…and now I go back to the 57,000 things but keep signs, frogs and movies close to my heart. What are your signs of summer?

…I knew the look as she rested her head against his arm

the kind where any part of him against my face brings safety to every part of me

the point where I transfer my weary head and heart for him to carry

the place where we say nothing and everything

the moment when I sink into old love

lost in you…

If you need some soul fixin’, head straight to the mountains…for all you RVA’ers, this is the glorious Spring Valley Orchard and it’s worth the trip.

and just so this blog won’t be mistaken for being all unicorns and rainbows  (and nauseating family bliss), here was the end of the day trying to get the almost impossible four kid group shot: