this week…
June 3, 2012
well, last week….but you know…
love me like this…
June 2, 2012
“Sooooo, what do you want for your birthday?” I asked cheerfully.
“Ummm, nothin’.” he replied.
Oh my lord. This has been his answer for every birthday and Christmas for at least the last 20 years. And I never listen to him, and then there were the years where I painstakingly listened for clues on which electronic gadget I should buy only to have him buy it for himself 2 days before the holiday.
I still love to argue this maddening topic but I kept it cool.
“Well…how about a backyard party, ya know, just a few people…” I said. Inside my head this meant a Pinterest worthy garden party with 5 different amazing salads, cheeses I can’t pronounce, an insane wine I know nothing about and beef tenderloin or something else ridiculous. And by golly, there would be a shockingly beautiful table with meaningful touches at every turn…and dancing and sparklers to close the evening…you know, like a wedding but for a guy, on his birthday.
“Yeah, like burgers and beer? You know we have that giant blue plastic bucket, it’s good for beer and we can use the tiki torches. I just don’t want you to, you know, be all stressed out and stuff. ” he replied.
“ME? Stressed out before a party?!! NOoooo….” I laughed and he hugged me tight.
Okay, I’m gonna do it, I’m actually gonna give him what he wants…yes, I can do that. Well, almost. I started to Pinterest, just a bit and realized it was pointless. I could settle on pulled pork and beans, corn and slaw, and summer beer…but I couldn’t totally get rid of pretty.
I spent all day cleaning up the secret garden, and set a table with the colors of his new company and a large picture of he and Lucy, wishing I could put little story starters or notes of love for Jorge at each place setting…but I didn’t, and I didn’t even buy a cake or presents. I only got the slightest bit stressed at the end when our friends started to arrive and I still hadn’t showered.
He walked outside, summer beer in hand.
“Soooo, what do you think?” I asked.
“It’s great babe, it kinda looks like I died, but I like it!” he said as he looked at the table with the giant picture.
And it did, it totally looked like he died.
“Oh Jorge Salgado, everyone should know how much they are loved BEFORE they die!”
he laughed…and even in my feeble attempts to love him how he wants to be loved I can only almost get it right…
…and yet this dear man who needs no fan fare, only a cold beer on a sticky night, yummy food on paper plates, kids crawling on his lap and leaving to chase fireflies, a good razzing or story and his family and friends close…it’s all he’s ever wanted and needed to feel loved.
…to be loved like this.
my birthday love song for you my partner and friend:
Are you a birthday kind of person? Do you like them big and grand or quiet and meaningful? Tell me in the comments, I’m taking an unofficial poll. or even better, do you have some one that you care about that you are stumbling through trying to love them right?
ALSO!! Hey RVA friends, I just hid one of these in the back sleeve of the DVD copy of The Sound of Music at Westover Hills Library! If you find it, it’s yours! But take a pic and send it to me at patience@kindnessgirl.com!
be brave and kind…out in the world
May 31, 2012
“Be brave, be brave, be brave…” she whispered to herself as she put on her helmet. Lucy was (and still is) learning to ride her bike. She said the little mantra over and over and added a “You can do this” as she climbed on the seat.
I didn’t really know that bravery was calling me this year, until it did. Every situation around me was asking me to step into, or hunt it down or take one step closer.
…and I started whispering my little mantra to myself each time I was faced with some thing big or even something small that felt big… “Be brave and kind, it’s all you have to do, be brave and kind.”
maybe being brave is saying the words that are hard to speak, or to say nothing at all…
maybe being brave is making the next move, when it feels like there may not be any left…
maybe being brave is trusting you are enough…
maybe being brave is holding on, holding hope just a little tighter or by your last finger grip…
maybe being brave is believing what you hope is true, stepping boldly into joy…
Whatever it is, I know we are not meant to be brave alone, even though we face our worlds on our own. I remember years ago when I was very, very pregnant and our family was going through a very hard time. Depression had fallen over our house (for Jorge) and in the way where everything sort of fell apart , everything I knew over the years was looming suddenly became so clear.
While we were finding our way through, my dear friend Heather offered to give me a massage therapy session. During the session, at a point of finally being relaxed after holding so much, I closed my eyes and this very clear picture came into my mind like a giant movie screen.
I was walking up a huge hill, each step taking all my energy, at one weary moment I turned around, and a massive group of people were behind me, rows and rows, as far as the eye could see… holding hands, locked together like an army. It was a walk of bravery ahead, but even in all the darkness, the kindness was behind me.
So when Suzanne and I started to dream of what we wanted our soulsisterhood to be, we both knew Be Brave and Kind would be part of what we wanted in the world (I wrote about it here first). …and yet it feels more like part of our dream is that this art would bring people together like the rows, like hands locked together.
Just yesterday, I reached out to a few people I love, people that have walked the hill and people that have stood behind me, people that know what it is to be brave and kind, people that are claiming it everyday whether we succeed or not… I asked them to be part of this project by collecting each face in a picture.
Suzanne and I would love it if you would join us in making rows and rows of pictures…we would love it of you took a picture with the Be Brave and Kind print and send it to patience@kindessgirl.com so we can add it to the next row and watch it grow.
There are quite a few choices of prints and stickers you can buy here. Prints and stickers of all sizes.
But even if the print is not something for you right now but you would like to be part of this collective heart and art, send us a picture with the words Be Brave and Kind written on a piece of paper or your hand, or any other creative way you can think of. We would love for you to be part of this either way.
In the next few days, I will be giving clues as to where we hid a 5×5 sticker and just a couple tiny stickers around RVA. (because sometimes you just gotta hunt for that bravery!)
today’s hint: there is one sweet little sticker in the top copy of The Tale of Despereaux by Kate DiCamillo at the Broad Street Barnes & Noble on Libbie Ave. on page 243.
And today we offer one 5×5 Be Brave and Kind Print to one lucky winner, just tell us one high and one low in your day today in the comments and you will be entered. We will announce the winner tomorrow night by 11pm.
Be Brave and Kind, it’s all we have to do…
ETA:
Beth from Savour, you are our winner! What a lovely blog you have too! (winner picked by a random.org)
i want you to know…
May 29, 2012
I want you to know…
you can crash and burn at trying to be brave and kind…and it’s okay.
it’s a different kind of bravery to decide to care for yourself or lick your wounds
being who we really are brings us much closer together than trying to be something we think we should be
your words and comments stay with me, I think it’s so rad when you guys talk to each other
I am more intense and less gentle than I thought
I am learning so much about myself right now, this is both marvelous and maddening
I am still not done writing notes of encouragement– this pains me everyday, I know people are waiting
I want to learn how to listen as an act of kindness
I am finding my way
This is coming soon, very soon from the soulsisters…and I can’t stop staring at it and holding it in my hands
we can be brave and kind together,
because kindness changes everything.
(and I hardly look like this picture, it’s a really good picture.)
blast from the past: despite what you see…
May 27, 2012
I just found this while researching for an interview, it’s from February 28, 2008…guys, it still fits,even though I am in a new place in my truth. I still need the Mother and the sisters, I still sing the battlecry to remind me every now and then…and I still adore Maria…and my face looks like this A LOT. …and I still wish I could have this ring tone.
Whatever problem you have, I promise you the Sound of Music can fix it.
Feeling blue or scared? Just think of your favorite things.
Needing someone to take care of you? Are you feeling unable to face a world of men? Find someone 17 going on 18. no scratch that, just someone older and wiser.
Don’t quite fit in? It probably means it’s time to go climb every mountain, just ford every stream. Never give up on your dreams.
Feeling unsure of yourself? Despite what you see, I have confidence in me. It’s nothing the Mother Superior, an old carpet bag and a new adventure can’t fix.
Some where along the way I started to tell myself some lies about who I am. It’s so easy to do really, sometimes all it takes is one crappy experience as a kid or a particular placement in your family, a situation you find yourself in, just one little thing that you allow to sneak into your heart. Once you start to believe and invest in these untruths, they become bigger and hard to shake. We often struggle, endure, grieve, create space, make peace and embrace whole parts of ourselves that were never true in the first place.
This makes climbing mountains and fording streams feel damn near impossible. You forget that dreams exist, or they feel a million miles away. Sometimes the only way to rediscover who you are is to leave everything else behind, or start to peel away one layer at a time until you can see again. This requires it’s own sort of endurance, it’s own new space, it’s own struggle in the adventure.
So my truth is coming to the surface, the light is bright and hopeful but what do I do with all the lies? They are gone from my head but they hide in my heart. This my friends, is when you claim the battlecry…and you listen on repeat, on repeat, on repeat.
You call the Mother Superior in desperation for her to remind you of your own truth, you retreat to the abbey when you feel low, the sisters dismantle cars so the lies can’t follow you, and you sing Despite What you SEE, I have Confidence in ME!!! until your heart has no choice but to own and follow…
It tells me all I trust I lead my heart to
All I trust becomes my own
I have confidence in confidence alone
(Oh help!)
I have confidence in confidence alone
Besides which you see I have confidence in me!
Can you believe it’s available in a ringtone and my phone won’t support it? It’s a tragedy!
May your battlecry be all around today, may the Mother Superiors and sisters be plentiful, may your truth lead you…
let summer begin…
May 26, 2012
Jack was beside himself as he saw his first lightning bug of the season the other night. And speaking of lightning bugs- do you call them fireflies or lightning bugs? …I can’t decide which is more magical these days- lightning or fire! (feel free to weigh in)
There may not be enough money for a pool membership around here, but by golly, there will be outdoor movies, and smores, and shadow games and Adventure Time, and popcorn! Jorge had a lovely techie hook up and scored a very old projector but as long as it plays the The Muppet Movie, I think we are golden.
(AND we figured out it also serves as dance party maker via you tube videos!)
Spill it friends…tell me your Summer on the Cheap ideas in the comments! …and your suggestions for an outdoor movie (both grown up and kids movies- not necessarily together)…AND lightning bug or firefly?!!
i need a lot of love to get me through…
May 25, 2012
I knew it was gonna be bad. Lucy’s beloved kindergarten teacher (the one that totally gets her), Mrs. Hines blew a disc in her back. This poor magical teacher soldiered on for weeks trying shots and meds but in the end she needed surgery. She was going to be out for 4 weeks.
Lucy did surprisingly well the first 3 weeks, the substitutes were rough but she stretched herself. She cried a little here and there but we looked at pics of Mrs. Hines, told stories of her goodness, counted the days until she would be back and Lucy pressed on.
The fourth week came, we were mad excited and then the bomb got dropped. Mrs. Hines would not be back for 3 more weeks and the substitute was awful. Luce started to fall apart. Mornings and nights of crying, stomach aches, my girl was down right almost depressed.
“I’ve just been waiting so long mom!” she said.
“I know baby, I know.” I replied, not really knowing what else to do. *sigh*
About a week later, she came to me one afternoon about to cry…and to be honest, I just didn’t have it in me to do it again. I sent her to Jorge thinking he could put in a few Mrs. Hines coping hours. Apparently we were all done with the situation because a few minutes later she came back.
She sat down hard in the chair, tears rolling down her face.
“Mom!” it was the tone of pain, and I instantly looked up.
“Mom, I am not getting the support I need!” I sat shell shocked by her honesty and ability to call it in.
Her shoulders slumped.
“Mom, I need a lot of love to get me through this. ” She said while heaving.
She is six. And I was in total attention and awe…that she could say what every person on the planet feels and so desperately needs in the middle of something that feels so big. Why don’t we all do this? Just lay it out.
I had done every ritual I could think of…except the kitchen altar candle.
“Oh Luce, the only thing I can think of is when I am really sad and just can’t hold anything more I go to the kitchen altar candle. You know that one next to the sink where I do dishes? I just write down everything I need and what my heart is feeling and I light the candle and let the candle hold it for me. Do you want to try it?” I said.
She nodded her head and promptly filled up 5 slips of paper with her needs.
And when it was time to light the candle I remembered I had something special in the car. My dear friend Suzanne had just sent me one of her sweet sacred strikes. A tiny match book covered in her art with this message:
use these strike on box matches to light a candle in remembrance, as a prayer, a wish, or a blessing, as you strike the match, breathe deeply, breathing in love and breathing out love. breathe peace. breath hope. breathe light and love.
…and I looked at her little face as she breathed deep, following each instruction, taking all of it into her heart. I let her light the match and candle and we sat quietly for a moment. Together.
she asked me to take a picture of her face so she could remember
The next day she carried the tiny piece of art that came with the matches in her pocket to remember someone and something is holding it for her…and that the love you need to get you through is possible.
Maybe we just have to ask (but why is that so hard sometimes?)…or call it in the place of vulnerability and courage…and light a candle.
The candle is in the comments today my friends…feel free to write on your slips of paper, there is all the love you need…
kindness captured!
May 24, 2012
Guys! Remember our friends Sarah and Greg from American Bear: An Adventure In The Kindness Of Strangers? Ever since that article Sarah and I have been dreaming up a kindness event that we could do together (we’ve also shared our various stranger stories and had epiphanies about our Numerology numbers! Yay for 11’s! ) with our communities.
We are so excited to tell you
Kindness Captured! A Day In Bravery And Kindness
is coming to 4 cities (maybe more!) at the end of June.
Look for more info soon…can you stand it? SO exciting!
Holla in the comments if you want in, or are intrigued, or maybe just mildly curious! This is the summer you guys…it’s going to be a helluva summer filled with so much kindness!
on a need to know basis…
May 22, 2012
After the Oprah article hit there was a swirl of energy, the kind of swirl that turns you upside down and you start imagining all kinds of things. Book agents reached out, a TV show producer wrote, all kinds of lovely and dear people filled my inbox with stories and interest.
I started to believe that I was on a new track, that the fairy godmother of goodness herself had come down to make kindness big, big, BIG! I felt grateful, overwhelmed and humbled…and I braced myself for what was to come. …and then, it just sort of never came. Time between communication started to grow longer and longer. I got a little crazy starting to check my e-mail 42,000 times a day, rereading my exchanges…
Was that too forward?
Did I sound weird?
Oh God! It is so obvious how crazy I am! They wanted less crazy, less passionate, more normal.
I am so not smooth or cool, my brand is hilariously real, not polished at all.
And after awhile, this got so tiring that I went back to the thing I love and realized that I had the same exact feeling planning a kindness campaign in my alley with my garbage men that I did when I got the call I was going to be in O Magazine- the rush, the excitement, the thrill.
This feeling would last until the next kindness project was over, or there was a quiet moment, or a new opportunity fell through again…the thoughts would creep in again. I was confused because while the big doors were closing, everything in the grass and roots was beautiful and thriving.
All the places in my everyday kindness world were rockin’…hard. It was almost as if while I was losing my way there for a bit, waiting for the one shot, the small was getting deeper and wiser, despite my doubt and uncertainty…somehow my heart was still winning. How could that be? How could things be going so well and I feel so off at the same time?
I kept thinking, “If I just knew what it was, what I am missing, what track I am on, I can fix it, course correct, fix myself or accept it…this thing is worthy of all that.”
And then one day, out of the blue I got an e-mail…from one of those dear people I met as a result of O Magazine…a friendship that had grown over letters exchanged with sweet Lisa, she had become a bonus mother and mentor and yet we’ve never even met in person. I didn’t ask her for advice, there was no great drama that day but her words came like a salve of understanding over everything, the wisdom that made the pieces finally fit…
She wrote:
Just have faith in that, trust that what you are doing is exactly right. The “how” is none of your business because as you trust the “what” (being and spreading kindness in our world) the how will come to you on a need to know basis. Kind of like traveling a road in the middle of the night. Your (flash)Light can only shine so far along the path. But you keep putting one foot in front of the other, trusting that the path will reveal itself as your light reaches it.
My heart was instantly shifted. It had never occurred to me that I was on a “need-to-know” basis with the universe…that maybe I am not supposed to know at all or that it isn’t my job to try to figure it out. My light right in front of me is all I need and that it will grow stronger and brighter if the path ahead requires it.
That thought was so freeing yet totally frustrating at the same time for the girl who wishes she could control it all, work harder, do whatever it takes. …and here we are at a gentle surrender again…
…because the “what” is my love, it always makes sense even if it’s hard or unclear, and I know how to follow it. I can wake up and do that everyday. I am already doing it, it is enough. Kindness doesn’t need me or my crap to be together to make an impact on the world.
Maybe it was never meant to be so complicated. Maybe you are meant for something but the how is none of your business and your heart just needs to get completely lost in the what. Maybe the unknown is a kind gift, making space for the greater joy and all that already is and is to come.
Are you sweatin’ the unknown today? or wishing the light was brighter in front of you? Feel free to tell us about it or offer your words of wisdom or hope in the comments.
they’re back!
May 15, 2012
photo by Erin Spengeman
Almost everyday I get an e-mail asking about the Kindness Changes Everything stickers my friend and artist Suzanne Vinson created as the beginning of our Soulsisterhood. I am happy to tell you they are back, along with a bunch of new ideas for more art, more soulful living and more kindness in the world. Suzanne and I keep getting together and we’re all, “What if we did this?”, followed by a, “OOOooooo, YEAH! and THIS….” and I leave each talk with a bursting heart and mind. We can’t stop planning and dreaming…and being late for preschool pick-up. It’s so, so sweet…and I am learning so much along the way.
So you can get them here…still the same price ($3 for 5 and we’ll send 5 more for you to pass on) and all funds go into The Soulsister Jar of Kindness to fund more kindness projects.
The jar is almost full… so today we would love to share with you that for our first Kindness event we will be creating a gathering of women for a time of total soul care…for women that are working really hard and have given every last part of themselves, for those that need a space to just be, for women that need a nourishment they don’t even know about, for women that need to receive what they have given…sound like you? We don’t know who or when yet? but we know where and what it will look like…we’ll keep you posted.
Until then, consider this our invitation:
Welcome to the Tribe…a soulsister gathering of care.
AND…on to the new! We also have a 5×5 limited edition print of Kindness Changes Everything just like the sticker (but bigger) for those that want to keep the kindness a little closer or leave something a little bigger! You can order it here.
AND we wanted to run something by you all! Someone asked us if we would be willing to translate the Kindness Changes Everything into other languages and go global with our sticker love! We thought it was a fantastic idea and started working on it but ran into a few questions…we thought maybe you all could help us.
For all our Spanish speaking/Spanish loving friends (and anyone else that loves to share opinions!):
Does the translation have the same ring and feel?
If we made this into a sticker, would you want to share it? Is there a need/desire?
What is the first word/thought/idea/feeling that came to your mind when you saw it?
Thank you so much for all the sticker love and friendship! We are so excited to see where this next batch ends up and the stories and kindness that will follow!
xo,
Suzanne & Patience
magic Style!
May 15, 2012
photo by Jason Roop
Thanks to Style Weekly for sharing The Magic Wand Project with Richmond in this week’s issue on news stands now. You can read the article here.* I am so grateful!
Here’s some info:
You can read more about the project here. I would love to know
If you could be part of one thing to create GOOD in RVA (or your city),
What would it be?
You can read about the Kids project here.
We are inviting kids to discover their kindness magic and do 3 acts of kindness and then pass on the wand or hide it for another kid to find.
What is so crazy is that in less than a week, Magic Wands are popping up in Kansas, Washington and all over Virginia.
We would love to see schools get involved, if are interested, you can download a tag and make your own wands with your class! (or pass a wand around filling up your school with kindness! )
this week…
May 14, 2012
well, last week. but you know…
i need your love…
May 13, 2012
It was my child that has been the hardest for me lately that has been the most intent on nurturing Mother’s Day this year. There were hours of creating a giant flower card and a trip to the park to pick mulberries and wrap them in leaves decorated with flowers.
It is a sweet moment where the artist’s persistence of creating is for me, the same intense love in which she pours all of herself into is manifested to celebrate my love for her. The exchange was important, for both of us.
She woke me up yesterday, unable to wait to give me her card.
“Oh Luce! I see so much love in this card…thank you! I really need your love.” I said.
“I need your love too mom. ” she replied.
…because there are years when the fullness of your heart tells you all you need to know about your place and role as a mom and then there are other years where you really, really need to know from the people you love that what you do matters, that you are seen, that someone cares and forgives you even if you haven’t been the greatest mom, that it’s okay that you are finding your way, that you rock this shit day in and day out, that the intent of your heart trumps everything. That they know just how deeply you love them.
So years were spent hoping they could see all that and mirror it back to me on this one day…the expectations held were enormous some years and others light as a feather. It wasn’t until I owned my need that there was real space for them to love me. It turned almost comical… “Guys! This has been a terrible mothering year for me, I NEED TO KNOW YOU GUYS LOVE ME! Okay?”
Some children shocked at such honesty, “Mom! That’s not true! You are a GREAT mom!”
While some other 3 year old nodded in the corner, she knew things actually had been pretty rough…but somehow love rises in our authentic need. I said where I wanted to go, or what I wanted and left just a little space for surprise. These were the best Mother’s Days…and some years there was no energy for even that and those are the years when we have to take care of each other.
This is when the circle widens and mothers celebrate mothers. This is when you Ding Dong Ditch flowers to mothers you love my friend. When you text the words you know she needs to hear. When you call her and whisk her away to chalk kind messages of love on other mothers’ sidewalks, or just escape for coffee to listen. This is when you receive what you need by offering it to someone else.
Whatever Mother’s Day you are having, there is space to need love and to receive it. Someone is holding it for you today and tightly, whoever it is, they are. You are loved.
Feel free to leave words of love to other mothers in the comments today…they will be for all of us.
kindness is magic…
May 12, 2012
a little video invite love for those that might be interested in The Magic Wand Project For Kids…hoping you all are having lots of kindness magic happening on this Mother’s Day weekend.
the magic is out…
May 11, 2012
I released 2 new kindness projects out into the world yesterday. It is so exhilarating and exhausting at the same time. There is this feeling like –
“Oh my God, I hope it works, I hope it takes off…do you think people will actually do it?!! ”
and also
“Oh it doesn’t even matter, I just HAD to do it, come what may! and JORGE, can you imagine all those sweet magic wands out in the world? ”
Those 2 phrases go on repeat in my head for the first day…but today, things are settling and kindness is moving despite my crazy head conversations.
So here are the projects:
The Magic Wand Project is a social kindness experiment inviting people to discover what they love and care about in their city and community…AND consider where they might share their magic to make the place we live better.
We left 100 Magic wands all over the city with the note attached:
MAGIC! The Magic Wand found you, yep YOU!
So tell me, If you could be part of one thing to create GOOD in RVA (or your city),
WHAT WOULD IT BE?
We then asked people to tell us here at KindnessGirl and then leave the wand somewhere else for the next person to find.
You can read more about it here.
The Magic Wand Project For Kids is a project where kids can discover their kindness magic can change our world! We left 100 Magic Wands at playgrounds, parks, libraries and other places kids might find them.
We attached this note:
The Magic Wand of Kindness found you, yep YOU!
“Magic doesn’t come from the world, it comes from people, and their kindness, that’s where magic comes from.” -Jack, age 7.
Your mission: Discover your magic and do 3 acts of kindness. Send us pictures or share your kindness adventures at
http://www.facebook.com/themagicwandprojectforkids
After you are done, give this wand to a friend or leave it for another kid to find. Have fun!
You can read more about the project here.
It’s going to take a little bit of time to get the projects rolling but I was SUPER stoked when someone on Twitter (my new friend Sarah!) had already found a wand and sent me this pic!
Then I went to take a kid’s wand to my children’s school this morning thinking they could pass it around and get some kindness going when the very rad art teacher Anne suggested ALL the kids make wands to leave in their neighborhoods and playgrounds. Just like that, kindness wands doubled in the world.
SOoooo, I don’t know what is happening you guys, but something is definitely happening…and it’s changing everything.
the tea and tattoo party…
May 9, 2012
A few weeks ago Lucy asked if she could have a tea party. I instantly said yes as we both needed something to connect us as things have been high drama lately in girl world over here. We went straight to my bed and crawled in to start Pinteresting.
I think parties for no good reason may be the most fun to plan. There is no pressure of a birthday and it all can be done in your own sweet time. We had a magical Harry Potter party a few years back and ever since then I realized this is a sweet spot for us.
Luce decided on tea and strawberry parfaits. I have never made a parfait in my life, but this strawberry cheesecake recipe was just lovely. Things got crazy the day before party day so I did most of the prep myself.
A few things I figured out:
1. A twin size fitted sheet fits a rectangle table perfectly and won’t blow up in the wind.
–
2. Port wine cheese can be put into a pastry bag to decorate crackers with the sweetest little hearts.
–
3. Tiny blessings can be left on each seat and the perfect girl ended up sitting at the one meant for her.
a few of ours read:
You are Powerful
Your wisdom is magic
Your joy is contagious
You are deeply loved
You are beautiful in so many ways
You were made for adventure-(this was Lyra’s response when I read hers)
4. If your kid wants to switch up the party and do an incredibly messy and involved art project, just let her…it wasn’t worth the navigation of party dynamics. I won but totally realized my agenda shouldn’t have been as important.
–
5. Invite something meaningful in, we all need it and little girls rock at embracing it. We decided to do tattoos.
I asked each girl what word best represented or described them* and then I painted the word or phrase on them where ever they wanted. Their answers were awesome…and then the girls took turns drawing tattoos on each other with these VERY rad tattoo pens that our friend Jen lent us. (I wanna buy like a bagillion of them) There were sleeves of flowers and vines and henna-esque flowers of all rainbow colors. I sat for a half hour with my buddy Nora taking turns drawing pictures on each other.
She was the Queen of Water and Air and her bestie was Adventurous. I can only imagine what the combo will do one day.
There is something sweet about calling in the celebration of girlhood and mixing it with a bit of power and claiming parts of yourself together, before the world tries to chip it away.
…and nothing calls it in better than tea and tattoos.
–
*thanks to Katherine Center who is the queen of painting words on women.
tiny bits of grace…
May 7, 2012
I am burnt. It was two weeks of Jorge being gone for work, a string of speaking, projects blowing up all around, and a hernia repair surgery for my man to top it all off at the end. In the middle of life, my girls have been kicking my ass…long, long days of whining, complaining, drama. I am patient, patient, patient and then I am just D.O.N.E. … an attempt to try to spend some time with them on Saturday night looking at the SuperMoon ended in an epic tantrum from Lyra and then all of us in bed crying.
And I know there is some parenting trick to pull us all out of this funk but for the life of me I have absolutely no energy to sort it out. It’s probably something about how much we all are all holding right now and honoring each other but I don’t even care about all that.
I just need them to get their shoes on and get in the car for Christ’s sake AND to stop acting like jerks for 2 seconds so we can be in this crisis together…but then kids aren’t supposed to do that but maybe I was just hoping they would grease the wheels with understanding a tiny bit. I obviously have forgotten that kids are not adults, and shouldn’t be. (but wouldn’t that be nice in a crisis every now and then?)
I finally crawled into my own bed like an hour later only to be woken up by a wailing Lyra two hours after that, so back I went, into the their bed. I had surrendered to their needs, finally, given up on any expectation I was holding. It wasn’t like I could get my shit quite together but I could lay in it. Quietly.
And then, when she thought I was asleep, Lucy leaned over and kissed my forehead, rolled over and went to bed. It was a tiny bit of grace right in the middle of hard all around. It was tender and sweet…and this is who we all are. We are jerks that are kind and have needs and sometimes push each other to the edge…and we find grace in each other, in ourselves.
…and nothing is worked out, I am still burnt but there is a little something to hold onto, seeing it all mixed up together that will bring me a moment of goodness….and eventually we find our way to saying what we need, or forgiveness or frustration that fuels the way to find the path we need to travel, or life will allow it to just sort of pass on.
So today :
someone will complain they didn’t get to play with the red umbrella yet
someone else will have her first taste of honeysuckle
someone will be devastated we are having peas for dinner
someone else will ask me how I am and I’ll really tell them
someone will be pissed they have to take a bath
that same someone will kiss me on my forehead when we go to bed…
…and I will take it all in, but hold tight to the tiny bits of grace.
~
*feel free to tell me your tiny bits of grace in the comments
magic is a brewin’…
May 7, 2012
Magic doesn’t come from the world, it comes from people, and their kindness, that’s where magic comes from.
-Jack, age 7.
So I have 2 new kindness social experiments coming this week that I am so excited about! One will be housed here on KindnessGirl and the other on Facebook. I always feel a little nervous right before I offer anything out to the world, but I just keep reading this post about a conversation I overheard between Jack and Lucy on kindness and magic years ago.
I swear, maybe we should just let kids run the world.
Hope you will want to join us in all the kindness coming…we would be honored to have you and stand beside you…and watch the magic unfold.
the farm on the island…
May 3, 2012
Today, I woke up wishing I was on the island…a couple years ago I had the opportunity to photograph a birthday weekend on a private island. The island belongs to a kind family who have owned it since the 1700’s. My photography life is not nearly this glamorous usually, I promise you…but the island was special, it held something I can’t quite explain and I will always remember. …and the friendships and love that weekend felt about as old as the land, it was lovely.
Some of my favorite residents were the animals on the farm, most were free to roam and I befriended the little guy above, and a few others.
Are you wishing to be somewhere else today? or fine right where you are?
the magic wardrobe of change…
April 30, 2012
So there was a day of Netflix watching…yes, an entire day. Because this is what is required to complete blog posts on some days. And when you can no longer watch even one more episode of Garfield, your mind finally returns to imagination.
It all started with Lyra deciding she should have a picnic in the old red wardrobe that is falling apart. The bottom row usually holds towels but every last one is in the laundry, which incidentally has grown into a small mountain. An empty space is an invitation for picnics and eventually magic.
When she was eventually done picnic-ing and lounging, someone found an old hand-me-down gifted wand and figured out it was indeed a magic wardrobe…and the game began. Someone climbed in, a dramatic wave of the wand and the person climbed out something completely different… it was usually a cat or a frog, but each time it grew more exciting.
I found myself kind of wishing I could climb into the magic wardrobe and come out changed…and there are things and experiences that change us, like magic, quickly- some that harm us that we have to work hard to undo, and others that change or rearrange our souls in profound ways for the better.
…and there are some magic wardrobes that we have to climb into over and over again to try change on until it sticks or to get comfortable with the idea of something that is completely different than what we know or who we are.
…and there are some magic wardrobes that we have to climb into to dream the impossible or to keep our dreams close. I think these might be the best wardrobe moments, because you never know when the magic may actually happen or that the dream is being held when we can’t seem to hold on…or it’s just too big/scary.
…and sometimes the magic in the wardrobe is love, hope or kindness…or truth- the gentle and hard kind, vulnerability or courage.
All of it is important for change to come, or for it to find us, or for us to embrace what is already there.
If you could lounge in the magic wardrobe today, what would you be when you came out? or what would the wardrobe hold for you? who do you wish could climb into the wardrobe with you?
Feel free to use the comments as the giant wardrobe today.
…and don’t you kinda wish you were reading The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe right now? and actually, it’s a red armoire, but wardrobe sounds dreamier.
this week…
April 30, 2012
well, last week, but you know…
What a week it was! …and on to the next. I will be emceeing the Spirit of Volunteerism of Hanover County Awards Ceremony tomorrow night, please be sure to say hello if you happen to be there!
lessons learned from stickers and sisters…
April 29, 2012
I’ve never sold anything on or through Kindnessgirl, I have protected the site pretty fiercely over the years simply because I always wanted the heart and intent of this life and work to be crystal clear. I’m not a non-profit, I fund all my own kindness projects (although kind friends have put a $10 bill in my hand occasionally, left supplies on my doorstep or stamps for mailing when they know I took on too much) and I work 2-3 part time jobs (outside of my kindness work) to contribute to my family’s needs to live and thrive. And I can’t tell you how, but somehow I have all I need and nothing more, which I love.
Part of me knows on some level, this is not sustainable (4 kids, 3 jobs, speaking gigs, community projects and kindness work) but I don’t exactly know what the next step will look like for me or how money even fits into all of this. So I was a wee bit nervous about attaching money to this sticker project but Suzanne was the perfect partner to take this leap with. We both wanted her art and the message of kindness out into the world, and with just a little start up cash, we knew we could at least put it out to see if our intuition was on and the universe felt the same…and it felt appropriate that if that were so (via profits), that the kindness travel even further…to more art, more kindness.
So here is what happened and what we learned:
cha-cha-changes…and the chicken nugget kids
April 28, 2012
It feels like overnight I have been dropped into a world calling for active change (besides my kindness work, of course). This scares me…it overwhelms me…I start running around in my head trying to figure out what I should do, where I fit, wonder if I fit, worry we have to start NOW…and in the middle of all the tizzy, some tiny bits of clarity have been miraculously somehow, even despite my crazy head, been floating to the surface. So look for a few posts on the subject in the near future…today, all change reminded me of was chicken nuggets.
I remember, so long ago, I was at a Valentine’s Day party when Josiah was just in preschool. We were fixing food plates for the kids and I looked down at the heart shaped red plate and staring back at me was a slice of pizza and chips. That’s it. I looked over at my friend who was quietly slicing up cucumbers and cutting down tiny broccoli trees right next to the pizza and chips for her son.
I started the terrible parent dialogue in my head, you know the one…
“OMG, when did we become the family with the chicken nugget and macaroni and cheese kids? I thought we were totally gonna be the sushi and crab bisque family? ”
You know the kids that eat and try magical and delicious exotic dishes because their parents introduced just the right foods at the right time from the start? And I tried, oh I did and still do…I made baby food and listened to foodies, and watched organic food commercials and went on food kicks….but somewhere along the way, I got another job, and laundry piled and had another baby and went out to eat and had drinks spilled on my lap from reaching/fast said baby and just wished the freakin’ french fries would come so my kid would eat and I could finish telling my man about the very important TED Talk I watched 10 minutes of about toxins in our food. And I felt slightly justified that my kid still loved fruit…and tried to ignore that fact he hated anything green and that I was a shitty parent…
…until the Valentine’s pizza plate because I realized slowly but surely, I had given up on any hope of change. Because it was too far gone, or took more energy than I had to give, or that it was easier in some strange way to claim bad parenthood than to try, because my kids were doomed to a life of poor nutrition…and it was all so dramatic, as mothers seem to get, even busy, harried mothers, it’s what we do. (or if you are just me, and your life is dramatic and care this deeply about EVERYTHING-peas, injustice, and the right ribbon on the ding dong ditch flowers)
*
But something about that day and my friend cutting up tiny broccoli trees, (and she was indeed going to point out the wonder that broccoli looks like tiny trees to her four year old) shifted something inside of me about change. She had a chicken nugget kid too, but she still offered a green thing on that plate, every time. EVERY SINGLE TIME.
She never knew when and if or what he would try…but she believed it was worth trying. It was small and insignificant but consistent and hopeful. I realized the whole world of problems is like a giant plate of nuggets, we may not be able to solve it all in one fell swoop but the world is worth offering some broccoli to, over and over again. Almost everything good starts some where with someone believing it may be possible…and believing in the people around them, seeing and claiming something no one else has yet.
So I am happy to report that over time some members of my family no longer gag at the sight of something green on their plate and others will even take a few bites (some with a bribery of dessert) and the entire family will now eat chicken ceasar salad slathered in dressing and fluffy croutons for a real main dish dinner…and there are less chicken nuggets in the repertoire and more whole foods all around.
But that one simple quiet act by a wise mother created change in me… I know now it all matters, each step we take, no matter how small. It leaves the world and all we hold a beautiful place to start.
*Lyra shockingly started eating the bag of peas in our photo shoot, I know, who knew?!
strawberries, soulsisters and stickers…
April 22, 2012
The strawberry field opened this weekend…strawberry fields forever. My soul took a deep breath after the long winter. It’s picking season which means I got to see the Marlboro man and feel the wind and sun on my face while I picked nature’s candy with people I love.
I came home to find this goodness (above) on my front porch. A while ago I reached out to my dear friend, artist and soulsister Suzanne Vinson to ask if she would consider collaborating with me on a project. I don’t exactly remember where or how we met, but I admired her art from a far for quite some time. Besides the obvious wisdom, there is a gentle strength about everything that passes through her hands…and a kind energy.
We traded e-mails and I eventually found my way to her dreamy studio one evening at the table…a place where she holds creativity circles, celebrations, and gatherings of soul care. I loved it, I loved her. Months later we sat on my green couch and talked until I was late for school pick-up and never even got a chance to pour the coffee and slice the yummy bread she brought. This is how you know you just met a soulsister.
I’m not so good at collaborating. I have lots of ideas but am busy and frazzled. I told Suzanne I wanted to make a sticker with those words I hold so close, the three words that pretty much guide my life…Kindness Changes Everything. I didn’t know if she would want to share her art with me or this project, I wasn’t sure I would have the money to fund it, but I thought it was worth throwing out there. I knew though that we both held this way of being in the world tight, and that more than anything, we want to be part of a force sharing art, kindness and love in meaningful ways.
In just days she (in all her magic) returned this lovely art and just another week later, the stickers were sitting next to my daisies on my table. I could barely stand it because when art, kindness and sticky-ness collide, all you can think of is littering the city with goodness and power, the power of the kindness…and all the other soulsisters (and brothers) that may come upon the release of the joy of your heart…and that you had a chance to start it all with a friend, well, it’s so, so good.
So here’s the deal friends:
1. You can buy 5 stickers for $3 and we’ll send you 5 more to pass on, share, do something kind! That’s really 10 stickers for $3 (plus shipping) over at the Silver Tree Art store on Etsy. Click here.
2. All of the money will go into a SoulSister Kindness Jar to be used for future kindness missions (more about that later).
3. If you order stickers and happen to leave them some where public, or part of a kindness mission or even in your own space, send us a picture to patience@kindnessgirl.com or upload them to the Silver Tree Art Facebook page so we can watch kindness move and travel.
With so much love,
Suzanne and Patience
(can I just tell you I am dying to leave them on every light post in RVA?! except I feel bad about the kindness vandalism, well… just a little)
this week…
April 19, 2012
well, last week, but you know…
the country of marriage…
April 16, 2012
Thank you to Cynthia for sharing this treasure with me that means so much to you…it may be the first time I have ever heard words that make sense when trying to explain this love I have held for almost 20 years now.
for Jorge…
an excerpt from
The Country of Marriage
by Wendell Berry
Sometimes our life reminds me
of a forest in which there is a graceful clearing
and in that opening a house,
an orchard and garden,
comfortable shades, and flowers
red and yellow in the sun, a pattern
made in the light for the light to return to.
The forest is mostly dark, its ways
to be made anew day after day, the dark
richer than the light and more blessed,
provided we stay brave
enough to keep on going in.
How many times have I come to you out of my head
with joy, if ever a man was,
for to approach you I have given up the light
and all directions. I come to you
lost, wholly trusting as a man who goes
into the forest unarmed. It is as though I descend
slowly earthward out of the air. I rest in peace
in you, when I arrive at last.
Our bond is no little economy based on the exchange
of my love and work for yours, so much for so much
of an expendable fund. We don’t know what its limits are–
that puts us in the dark. We are more together
than we know, how else could we keep on discovering
we are more together than we thought?
You are the known way leading always to the unknown,
and you are the known place to which the unknown is always
leading me back. More blessed in you than I know,
I possess nothing worthy to give you, nothing
not belittled by my saying that I possess it.
Even an hour of love is a moral predicament, a blessing
a man may be hard up to be worthy of. He can only
accept it, as a plant accepts from all the bounty of the light
enough to live, and then accepts the dark,
passing unencumbered back to the earth, as I
have fallen tine and again from the great strength
of my desire, helpless, into your arms.
What I am learning to give you is my death
to set you free of me, and me from myself
into the dark and the new light. Like the water
of a deep stream, love is always too much. We
did not make it. Though we drink till we burst
we cannot have it all, or want it all.
In its abundance it survives our thirst.
In the evening we come down to the shore
to drink our fill, and sleep, while it
flows through the regions of the dark.
It does not hold us, except we keep returning
to its rich waters thirsty. We enter,
willing to die, into the commonwealth of its joy.
the world is waiting…
April 12, 2012
I spoke today at the 804 UM Event here in Richmond…I was all of myself (i even cursed a little) in a place I wasn’t sure of. It felt really, really good and the people were so kind. This was part of my talk, I thought you might like to see…it was a good, good day.
…all you have to do is be brave and kind.
kindness changes everything
(special shout out and thank you to Sandra Culp Marr who shared one of her photos for this video! Thank you friend!)
music by Jonsi
color me rad…team kindnessgirl
April 9, 2012
photo via Color Me Rad
Just one look at this picture and I decided I was in, whatever it was. Color Me Rad is a 5k race where you start with a squeaky clean white shirt and end up like a rainbow- thanks to a different neon cornstarch-ish color raining on you at each kilometer. Can you imagine anything more fun?
My sister begged me to come to her hometown for a CMR race and I was ready to fly there only to find out we were getting a chance to be human skittles here in RVA on July 21st. To top all of that, if you register and put SpecialOlympics in the promo code, our local Special Olympics gets 20% of the race fee. I so love the SO and all they stand for, especially the good people here in RVA.
So here it is, I wanna run, walk, whatever, just do this thing with YOU or a whole crew of us kindness people together! We are gathering Team KindnessGirl together now because the race will sell out quick. AND I DON”T WANT YOU TO MISS IT!
To make things even sweeter, my bestie and soul sister Jen Lemons and the beautiful Madisen made a singing ukulele invite just for you…it’s Gaga, pink hair, color mania and kindness all rolled up into one magical thing- I can not imagine anything better on the entire planet.
Here it is, to you with love:
Let’s run and play!
Info you need to know to sign-up:
Color Me Rad, Richmond, Va registration
race cost: $35
Team name: KindnessGirl
team captain’s last name: Salgado
If you decide to run/walk with us, let me know in the comments. I’ll have more specific Team KindnessGirl race info soon, including a kindness mission we can do at the race. Can’t wait to see your shining faces!
xo,
p
5 things to do when doors are closing…
April 9, 2012
The doors have been closing lately, big doors…and the image my mind always returns to is Maria Von Trap (in The Sound of Music) sighing and say, “When God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window.” . I always end up at Maria or Mother Superior, this delights me so.
And a window may be opening, but I keep thinking and saying to the Universe, “Noooo, really, THAT one?”, because it doesn’t look anything like I thought or really what I planned or wanted. There in lies the mystery of my life and the revelation that once again I am not in control of the world or parts of my path…and this is probably a really good thing. Right? or this is what I tell myself.
So on about the 3rd round of doors closing and after prior episodes over the years of freaking out, sucking it up or taking it in stride, I have come up with 5 things you can do if you don’t have The Sound of Music or a Reverend Mother in your life:
1. Let it be. Just let yourself be disappointed, sad, angry…don’t try to fight it. …but if you are one of those that is convinced your life is now over, cut that ‘Let it be’ time in half- literally set the timer because we know you will want to obsess and analyze.
2. Give it over. Often times, these disappointments are too big and exhausting for us to hold in the moment or long term. Find a ritual or someplace/thing to hold your worry, pain, fears, unknown, or the future. After one enormous disappointment (because I happen to be one of those obsessors) a few years ago, I was a total mess…the only thing that got me through was my kitchen altar candle. Every morning I woke up and wrote what I needed held on a tiny piece of paper, put it under the candle and lit it. The wax poured over the stack of papers and my heart. When I pulled them apart months later, I found the same message written about 100 times, I never even realized.
Worry boxes and jars are also great ideas, and releasing things into a body of water also happens to be magic for a tender soul.
3. Return to play. I always forget this step. What got you to the place to want this thing? This joy? Go back to the beginning. The simplicity of play unlocks a certain joy that fuels our hope and drive, and gives us a grounding to move forward. This is why children hold a wisdom and strength we forget as adults. Return to your love in that grown-up way, and if that wasn’t it or you aren’t sure what to do, I suggest these kid things- jumping on a bed, dancing, blow bubbles, swing, have a silly string fight, ride something fast, make simple art.
4. Do something Kind. There is a point where stepping outside of yourself or your situation is a really good thing. Sometimes we forget what is going on all around us, that we aren’t alone, or that there is another story or perspective we may find comfort in. I love anonymous kindness for such times because we can offer someone else the very thing we may need ourselves- and by some kind of magic we get it by doing this. It also helps to connect to do something kind for someone we know, making the face-to-face connection makes life real and clears our vision. If you need ideas, check out www.guerrillagoodness.com, or GG Facebook. Kindness changes everything… everything.
5. Gather the Love. Now is the time to gather the caregivers and believers. Calling in the hope and strength makes space and shares the burden. It invites a tribe of people to love you into a new place and be part of finding windows or opening doors, or even celebrating with you when the moment comes where everything makes sense after all. To all my introverted friends, it may be people in smaller doses or in nature and books, there are many ways to gather the love.
In the words of a very wise Jen Lemen:
Whatever you do, hold on to Hope!
The tiniest thread will twist into an unbreakable cord.
Let Hope anchor you in the possibility that is not the end of your story;
that change will bring you to peaceful shores.
Okay, so if you STILL aren’t feeling better and just need a believer, text DOOR CLOSED to me today (from now until 9pm EST tonight 4/9) at (407) 900-KIND and I will text you back a really simple message of HOPE….or forget all that and just go find the The Sound of Music, you can’t go wrong with TSoM, ever.
happy easter eve…
April 7, 2012
Happy Easter Eve friends (if you celebrate)…we had a glow-in-the dark Easter egg hunt tonight thanks to a lovely idea off of Pinterest, because we know all roads lead to Pinterest. The trick is just putting glow bracelets along with your treats in regular ole’ plastic eggs.
And just like that, the magic of the Secret Garden is back. There is nothing more magical than a garden at night with a little glow, the moon glow is the best but we’ll take this substitute this go around.
(very excited kids pre-hunt)
…more Easter goodness tomorrow, hope you all have a wonderful night.
xo,
p
Kindnessgirl 